What I Hate About Flying

Who here, when getting on an airplane, wants to punch those smug First Class passengers in the face? Here I am, beat down by life and wearily standing in the aisle in first class while some retarded and/or butter-laden person ahead of me is attempting to figure out why their 300 pound suitcase won’t fit in the overhead bin, and this First Class Jack Ass is looking at me like I’m encroaching on his god-given luxury space. Fuck you, Business-Man. I might just give in to the urge to drop my pants and shit in your gin and tonic.

Also, I hate the motherfucks who take advantage of the preboarding “for the elderly, the disabled, and those with small children”. The airline employees should jump out from behind the podium and scream “BOO!” really loud at everyone preboarding. If you start to cry or you have a heart attack, they should let you on. If you don’t do either of the above, they should throw you in terrorist jail.

Finally, I hate when you arrive at the gate and everyone jumps frantically into the aisle only to stand there for 10 minutes or more. You don’t have to be an asshole buddy. You’re only going to get off the plane 2 seconds ahead of me. I’d like to karate kick those fuckers through one of those tiny airplane windows.

–whazz on

53 thoughts on “What I Hate About Flying

  1. wow. didn’t you learn the lesson that everyone else learns on their first flight?!

    if you don’t have anything that needs to go in the overhead bins, (such as you just brought a backpack or laptop case that you are stowing under the seat in front of you), THE DONT BOARD UNTIL EVERYONE ELSE HAS! walk to your seat, make the other people get up, you sit down, done.

    i like the first class people because they make my ticket cheaper, and for what? i paid $300, you paid $650 and only got 1.5 as much room as i did.

    all kinds of common sense and value ethics involved here… good topic of conversation.

  2. Just fart, that will learn em! Especially if its right in the first class asshole’s face

  3. Wirkus is up to 10 on BTS. He’s got his sights on El Capitan/captain fuck up your day/4nyay/S Fitty.

  4. fuckawirkus. that shit is gettin a lil too close though. i throw a bts curse on thee senor wirkus. next game will be your demise.

  5. Damn it.
    Seat 1: StingSing ($4,590 in chips)
    Seat 2: bigshooterfw ($9,150 in chips)
    Seat 3: P A L [ AD,KS ] ($7,944 in chips)
    Seat 4: thefonz916 ($10,333 in chips)
    Seat 5: hoos_800 ($1,945 in chips)
    Seat 6: shakealeg ($21,146 in chips)
    Seat 7: jeremey23 ($4,786 in chips)
    Seat 8: spas ($17,197 in chips)
    Seat 9: murrayman1 ($7,850 in chips)
    Seat 10: ehawke ($7,190 in chips)

    ehawke posts blind ($200), StingSing posts blind ($400).

    bigshooterfw folds, P A L bets $800, thefonz916 folds, hoos_800 calls $800, shakealeg folds, jeremey23 folds, spas bets $1,200, murrayman1 folds, ehawke folds, StingSing folds, P A L calls $400, hoos_800 calls $400.

    FLOP [board cards QC,KH,9C ]
    P A L bets $2,000, hoos_800 folds, spas calls $2,000.

    TURN [board cards QC,KH,9C,9S ]
    P A L bets $800, spas bets $1,600, P A L calls $800.

    RIVER [board cards QC,KH,9C,9S,3C ]
    P A L bets $1,000, spas bets $5,000, P A L calls $2,144 and is all-in.

    spas shows [ 9D,JC ]
    P A L mucks cards [ AD,KS ]
    spas wins $1,856, spas wins $17,688.

    Pot: $19,544 | Rake: $0
    StingSing loses $400
    bigshooterfw loses $0
    P A L loses $7,944
    thefonz916 loses $0
    hoos_800 loses $1,200
    shakealeg loses $0
    jeremey23 loses $0
    spas bets $9,800, collects $19,544, net $9,744
    murrayman1 loses $0
    ehawke loses $200

  6. 1. you didn’t raise enough preflop. raising the minimum is almost never a good idea unless you are trying to get information cheaply.

    2. why didn’t you re-raise preflop?!

    3. once getting raised preflop, and hitting top pair, top kicker on the flop, PUSH YOUR FUCKING CHIPS ALL IN!

    4. seen as you didn’t do that… when the board paired and you got raised, you have to be thinking KQ, JT, 9x, Q9, K9…. etc… that is a scary board, and getting raised with 1 pair means fold.

    5. ok ok… so you got raised and called. WHY DID YOU BET ON THE RIVER?! and if you did bet on the river, WHY ONLY 1000 if you were going to call all in?! just put your chips all in to begin with. why? because the times you go all in and are called, you will probably be beat. if you are going to call all in anyways, do it yourself because then you have another chance at winning the pot (spas folds).

    i really didn’t like your play here. you deserved to lose. 😉

  7. here is how you play AKh. 4 times big blind raise, then all in if you hit your pair. easy.

    Seat 1: MyImplant ($2,421 in chips)
    Seat 2: HardRain ($1,289 in chips)
    Seat 3: pigginsharon ($3,303 in chips)
    Seat 4: edrugtrader ($2,145 in chips)
    Seat 5: Az Rich ($2,285 in chips)
    Seat 6: hillsays ($1,554 in chips)
    Seat 7: 12Jose12 ($1,325 in chips)
    Seat 8: u lose money ($4,695 in chips)
    Seat 9: DR.Lector ($2,102 in chips)
    Seat 10: MrsPoopsie ($561 in chips)

    MyImplant posts blind ($50), HardRain posts blind ($100).

    pigginsharon folds, edrugtrader bets $394, Az Rich folds, hillsays folds, 12Jose12 calls $394, u lose money folds, DR.Lector calls $394, MrsPoopsie folds, MyImplant calls $344, HardRain folds.

    FLOP [board cards KD,5D,7H ]
    MyImplant bets $338, edrugtrader bets $1,751 and is all-in, 12Jose12 folds, DR.Lector folds, MyImplant folds.

    edrugtrader wins $3,765

    Pot: $3,765 | Rake: $0
    MyImplant loses $732
    HardRain loses $100
    pigginsharon loses $0
    edrugtrader bets $2,145, collects $3,765, net $1,620
    Az Rich loses $0
    hillsays loses $0
    12Jose12 loses $394
    u lose money loses $0
    DR.Lector loses $394
    MrsPoopsie loses $0

  8. i looked at your hand again… you were bluffing the flush on the river. i agree that was good, but if you are going to do it, and call if you get raised, go all in first. he probably would have called anyways, but MAYBE not.

  9. what about this one…

    Seat 1: zagnut ($61.50 in chips)
    Seat 2: fallout1234 ($108.50 in chips)
    Seat 3: sn2223 ($21 in chips)
    Seat 4: esquire10 ($15.75 in chips)
    Seat 5: SantaFeSlim ($55.75 in chips)
    Seat 7: allpoker ($38.25 in chips)
    Seat 8: P A L [ 10D,AS ] ($40.50 in chips)
    Seat 9: Clancey H. ($48.25 in chips)

    esquire10 posts blind ($0.50), SantaFeSlim posts blind ($1).

    allpoker folds, P A L folds, Clancey H. calls $1, zagnut folds, fallout1234 folds, sn2223 folds, esquire10 calls $0.50, SantaFeSlim checks.

    FLOP [board cards AD,2S,AH ]
    esquire10 checks, SantaFeSlim checks, Clancey H. checks.

    TURN [board cards AD,2S,AH,AC ]
    esquire10 checks, SantaFeSlim checks, Clancey H. checks.

    RIVER [board cards AD,2S,AH,AC,10C ]
    esquire10 checks, SantaFeSlim checks, Clancey H. checks.

    esquire10 shows [ 7C,6D ]
    SantaFeSlim shows [ 5H,QS ]
    Clancey H. mucks cards [ 7S,8S ]
    SantaFeSlim wins $3.

    Pot: $3 | Rake: $0
    zagnut loses $0
    fallout1234 loses $0
    sn2223 loses $0
    esquire10 loses $1
    SantaFeSlim bets $1, collects $3, net $2
    allpoker loses $0
    P A L loses $0
    Clancey H. loses $1

  10. wow. i wouldn’t have folded ATo in an unraised 1-2 pot. that is the minimum hand i go in with in any position, but i still would have called.

    look at what everyone else is calling with, 67o, 78o. one misconception in poker is that if the table is loose, you should be extra tight. wrong. you should actually be a little looser than average or you will be giving money away.

    i would have bet on the flop because the 1-2 idiots couldn’t imagine someone not going for a check raise if they flopped trips. in this case i can’t see how any of them would have called, but in general, usually anyone with a pair will call, and maybe get suspicious and call or RAISE on the turn. good times.

  11. that was posted as a joke to befuddle senor scientist:

    What happened was Parker came into the room chewing on something– a big problem for a dog owner because the stoopid fuc might be eating something that will kill him like a chicken bone or a tack. When he saw that I saw that he was eating something he ran. I gave chase, ran him down and fished a bit of house plant from his mouth.

    While I was doing this, the computer said, “Pal, hurry up! It’s your turn to act” When Pal failed to act, the computer check folded him.

    When I got back the river card hit, I scrolled up to see what I had, and then thanked god that the pot was only 3 bucks.


  12. Also BTS is up tp 11. Good old Lyle Overbay hooked me up today.

    I’m worried though: no brewer game on Monday. I’ll have to take some random red sock.

  13. Overbay has an 11 game hitting streak going. I’ve got him in the next few days, but meanwhile while the Brewers are off I’ve got Manny Fucking Ramirez. He’d better hit. Dumb ass Manny.

  14. todays poker:
    played a $22+2 qualifier for a seat in the grand prix. won that.

    got 27th out of 116… i was 6th in chips and went up against the #5 guy when he went all in and i had KK. he had 99 and the flop was 992. oh god, thank you for your humor. i laugh myself to sleep every night.

    IRONY: i was ready sklansky’s chapter on playing the last 2 tables with a chip lead at the time: #1 rule, do not go up against anyone that can break you. WELL, THAT CAN’T APPLY TO ME WITH KK CAN IT? HELL NO! ALL IN! HAHAHAHAHAH….. ha ha. ha. ha. sigh. ha. ha. haha. h. a.

  15. Madd, after you got knocked out of the 10er, I told buckswin you were my best friend and I would avenge your death… a few hands later he bashed me w another str8.

    It had a happy ending though: I got 4th he got 5th.

    My fourth was bs though… the computer locked up and by the time I got back I had 350 chips. I was playing another tourney at the same time and had trip jacks with a 3000 pot. Bah.

    Oh, also, I am in the realm of profit: 521 buckeroos, baby. I hit the historic mark playing .50-1 short handed limit. When I told the table about my accomplishment, one dude told me to shut the fuck up.

    whazz on.

  16. The worst flights are those with tourists. When I flew back from Paris I cried the whole way wearing sunglasses and the trip was made worse by the obnoxious Americans on their “honeymoon” that I was seated next to. I hate the tourists, their fanny packs, their tennis shoes, their belligerence and their fucking ridiculous straw sun hats. I hate those damn hats.

    Jesus says the people that are worse are the Mexicans that go back to Mexico to visit their family and buy all the crap they possibly can to sell to their friends all while wearing cowboy hats.

  17. I probably won’t make it in time for sign-making. Make me one if you guys are making them though! I’m going to buy the John Cena fists and annoy the shit out of you guys with them. Ha ha ha. Word life.

  18. there are 2 signs out by the dumpsters we could use…. “I’M OPEN” and “ZACH DUNK”. they are free agents and would love to see another show.

    wirkus, that tourney we played was total bullshit. like 3 hands in a row i had AK, AQ, AJ, and all three times hit top pair, and all three times lost to some bullshit. then i got 6th in the 20 i was playing at the same time. i pride myself in either going out 9th or 10th or 1st or 2nd. i very very rarely end up in the middle like that. i did make $200 on party poker last night though… i’m starting to like it there more and more. if you said you’re going to switch sites, talk to me first. they have a sweet referral deal right now.

  19. tss: ’bout time. I just about got Cal’s Ninja Turtle/booze dream prize wrapped up. My only hurdle is getting past today’s Brewerless day.

  20. uh…gmx, could u post some pics from last nite so i can remember how the nite finished. thanx.

  21. its unfortunate when you have to read the spoilers to remember what u did last nite…

  22. apologies to one & all. i sometimes get a little vershnickered when i don’t eat b4 drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

    in related news, my friend who couldn’t make the event saw some of the wwf superstars at the san jose airport.

  23. right now i am at my school trying to take some proctored exam and the computers are f’d. It’s mad chaos and poor “Jeff” some computer guy has to deal with 13 pissed off nursing students. I wish you computer nerds out in Cali could help.

  24. i pay 8 skrillion dollars a semester to go to school here and we have to deal with this bullshit, does anybody care

  25. I killed a giant cucharacha today. It took about half a can of Raid t put the motherfucker down. He was still twitching when I got fed up and ran away.

  26. Well, I’m off to one hell of a start with the BTS… I picked Manny Ramirez. But he just happend to pick that day for goddamn citizenship:

    5/10/04 – Manny Ramirez had a good reason to miss his first game of the season with the Red Sox. He went to Miami to become a U.S. citizen.

  27. Is looking to tie fornier tonight in BTS!!!

    One word of advice pal, steer clear of the Brewers tomorrow. Zach Day pitching for montreal and I think he’s good for a no hitter at some point. Tough call the way the crew has been hitting lately. Just a thought. Anyway my choice tomorrow: Michael Young for TEX.

  28. whats the matter wirkus? no confidence in the brew crew tomorrow…

    timmah, if ur guy doesn’t play when u pick him, your streak is not broken.

  29. well, he had a streak of 0 going… good thing that didn’t get fucked up by manny…

  30. that was me not wirkus, anyway don’t worry fornier, he’ll pick the crew no matter what i how much i praise the velocity of Day’s fastball. cal out.

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