The Snarkiness Is Out Of Control

Attention: ladies and gentleladies; it is my great sadness to inform the masses that Snarkiness is has now reached out of control levels. In my infinite boredom last night I was flipping channels and ended up watching the show on VH1 entitled 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever. Now, I’m sure you’ve all seen one or another of these enw shows on VH1 where a bunch of comedians comment on the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, Bad Songs, Bad Hair, Bad Ripped Jeans, Worst Phil Collins video, etc.

The problem as I see it with these shows is that, if you put ME in a room for 12 minutes and showed me that shit, I would be able to come up with just as funny observations as some of these people. And if I can do it, my friends, its just not entertainment.

Example #1: Song # whatever on the countdown was Hangin Tough by New Kids on the Block. The response from 2 different comedians was “C’mon! They weren’t tough! There was nothing tough about them! They were anti-tough!” ha HA! Good point, nameless comedian! In fact, they weren’t tough, which is what injected your observation with the funny it needed to make it on VH1 in the late afternoon.

I kept thinking in the back of my mind that there was something more devious at play, however. And then I hit upon the thesis for this note: it’s not enough to be smarmy and ironic anymore for comedy. The whole era of “c’mon people, could _____ be any more _____!” comedy is departing us. I have to admit, I thought it was funny for quite awhile myself, but the returns on snarky commenting are diminishing every time someone says, “Hellooooo? He’s telling the world to DANCE on the CEILING? What? He couldn’t come up with a rhyme for KNEELING?”

Example #2: The song: I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. Now, I’ll be the first one in line to say that this is one of the dumbest pieces of music ever shitted out of a studio, but how funny is it to hear some guy explain the essence of badness by saying, “At one point, I was saying I was too sexy for everything. I was too sexy for my beer, I was too sexy to take exams at school. I was too sexy for my parents, which was kinda weird.” har har! In fact, you are dumb, nameless comedian.

There were two other things about the show that got to me: some of the songs I actually liked, which made it hard to hear the snarks saying things like, “Anyone who liked this music should be shot in the side of the head and bathed in acid so they can’t come back from the dead to haunt us all with the classlessness,” and I think the fact that George Lopez was hosting it kind of creeped me out. Why him?

Anyways, here the list of The Top 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs according to the snarks at VH1. Please… talk amongst yourselves.

46 Sunglasses at Night Corey Hart
45 I’ll Be Missing You
44 Can I Touch You…There? [Album Version] Michael Bolton
43 Something in Common Bobby Brown
42 Two Princes Spin Doctors (I liked this song -zjm)
41 Sorry 2004 Ruben Studdard
40 We Didn’t Start the Fire Billy Joel
39 Make Em Say Ugh, Pt. 2 Master P (shitty song – zjm)
38 Cotton Eye Joe (This should be number 1 – zjm)
37 Some Girls (Dance With Women) JC Chasez
36 What’s Up? 4 Non Blondes
35 Informer Snow (Nooooooooooooooo! – zjm)
34 Mesmerize Ja Rule
33 From a Distance Bette Midler (hated this song – zjm)
32 I Wanna Sex You Up Color Me Badd
31 Heartbeat Don Johnson
30 Jenny from the Block Jennifer Lopez
29 Broken Wings Mr. Mister
28 You Remind Me of Something R. Kelly
27 Pimp Juice Nelly
26 I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) Meat Loaf
25 Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Astley
24 Rump Shaker Wreckx n Effect (awesome song – zjm)
23 The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You Bryan Adams
22 You Rock My World Michael Jackson
21 Sussudio Phil Collins
20 Thong Song Sisq�
19 Dancing on the Ceiling Lionel Richie (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Lionel is GOD – zjm)
18 I’ll Be There for You [Theme from Friends]
17 Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) Toby Keith
16 You’re the Inspiration Chicago
15 Pumps and a Bump Hammer
14 I’m Too Sexy Right Said Fred
13 The Final Countdown Europe
12 MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM Crash Test Dummies
11 Will 2k [Featuring K-Ci] Will Smith
10 Hangin’ Tough New Kids on the Block
9 The Heart of Rock & Roll Huey Lewis
8 Don’t Worry, Be Happy
7 She Bangs Ricky Martin
6 Party All the Time Eddie Murphy
5 Breakfast At Tiffany’s Deep Blue Something
4 Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice
3 Rollin’ (Urban Assault Vehicle) Limp Bizkit
2 Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung
1 We Built This City Starship

–whazz on

17 thoughts on “The Snarkiness Is Out Of Control

  1. Jen- The mysterious posts by wwhazz are poker tourney results. The last two days he played he made a total of 1700, i guess i’ll have to start supporting it now!! no he shares his winning with me and parker and lynn.
    also TDAC, I would be fine if it were in Mil., I will be newly graduated so we can celebrate that as well.
    Oh and Big Fish, I can’t beleive you didn’t like it Cal, what’s wrong with you???? I thought it was a great movie and so did wwhazz.
    tomorrow mike and i leave for pittsburgh, it should be an interesting way to spend the 4th of july, i’m sure we will let everyone know how it went

  2. p.s. if wwhazz reads this before I can talk to him- I am sorry for wanting you to drive with as much road rage as me, I wasn’t even late for work, love, bellgirl

  3. We built this city on ROCK AND ROLL.

    Remember when Rachel Roth was obsessed with Color Me Badd in middle school and every third Monday night her grandpa would pick us all up for Kiwanis Orchestra practice and Rachel would make us all listen to her cassette tape of CMB?

    Poor Grandpa.

  4. zach,
    I have a computer question for you… there’s a work computer that I can’t open.. when I type the user name and password it says that it can’t connect to the network and that it may have failed to identify the user name. The laptop works at home, but just not here. Everything is correct though username, etc..–is there anything that might seem obvious to you that I could look for?

  5. Anytime you’re dealing with login-over-network issues there are literally dozens of things that could be wrong, missing, or misconfigured. If you don’t NEED to be connected to the network share, then I think you can select the option “Login to this workstation only” or something to bypass network authentication. But then, I’m not really an IT guy. If you’re school/job has a Help Desk, its a common enough problem that they should be able to walk you through resolving it.

  6. 1. dude, Big Fish was a Big Flop ;> really though, that is some treacly shit. In case no one else noticed, Tim Burton now sucks. He been in steady decline ever since Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I am pleased to hear however that MW once again supports an extraordinarily terrible movie. My man!

    2. Jen over to you.

  7. thanks… they ended up having to call tech people in. I thought there might be an easy fix. comptuers suck.

  8. whatever cal, you are a dum fuc when it comes to art. go masturbate to your mental image of Michael Moore.

  9. 1. I had to go to Waupun this morning for office hours; the yahoo maps gave me the worst. directions. ever., so I was about 5 minutes late. This man complained about how I was late to everyone else in the room, and then when it was his turn to speak he tried to evangelize me and my intern. He said the wrath on God was upon this nation and that there was a Wiccan who was spreading demonic worship around Waupun, Wisconsin.

    I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so I just pretended to care.

    2. wirkus liked Big Fish? I didn’t think Wirkus liked anything!

  10. 1. What happened to Madd?
    2. Are we going to have a multimedia account of camping this weekend?
    3. Arlo – I’m a 90% for sure on the Roots concert this weekend.

Comments are closed.