An Update

1. Wirkuswhazz, very nice tale of Woe in Pittsburgh. I expected more vitriol over the Brewers non-skull-bashing of the worst team in the NL Central, but we take what we can get these days. Thank you for using your mighty pen for the good of Whazzmaster.com.

2. Cal, you screaming twit, I’ve been calling you to do stuff for the last few days straight? Do you ever answer your phone? Or do you just scream at it “you no art-knowing motherfucker!” every time it rings? I called you about that baseball game the other day and now I want to know if you want to play golf this week sometime. I have off all week from work (more below).

3. I have all week off from work this week because my company wanted to get everyones’ banked vacation time off the books or some other accounting garbage. Anyways, what I thought would be an eventful week has mostly turned into me playing golf during the daytime and sleeping at night-time. At no other time during the last 72 hours have I been really, honest-to-god productive. I wanted to work on the website but I guess that too will have to wait until I’m back at my desk on Monday morning (which will also be my First Anniversary).

4. So since I’ve been playing all this golf I figured I’d alert the world that I broke my own best score (all-time) this morning. Up until today my best round of 18 holes stood at 90. This morning I knocked that score on the floor and stomped on its nuts. The result? A Zach-pleasing 82. That’s 10 over par, folks. In Fake Whazz, that’s very bad. In Real Whazz, where it is nigh impossible to shoot -26 in 18 holes, +10 is awesome. I think I’ll go masturbate to my scorecard.

5. Finally, the reason there was no posting last weekend was because I took my lovely wife Rock Chalk up to Sonoma for her birthday. So we went and stayed at a very nice Marriott where, when they do your turndown service, they leave your door unlocked and open when they’re done in order for the whole world to have access to your purchased wine and unmentionables. Overall it was a great 2-day getaway, though. Some wine, some golf (Erin’s idea!), some booty-tappin’, and some fine meal-eatin’.

6. To all who complain about the lack of color, sorry but Grey it is. Maybe I’ll throw some red or blue somewhere so you don’t want to die so much.

7. Weight Update: I was down to 187 at one point, but all the fine food and spirits in Sonoma fucked that one up. I weighed in at 190 this morning. Boo-yah to your momma’s house.

–whazz on

36 thoughts on “An Update

  1. See that question mark Cal? You enraged me so much I punctuated my sentence wrong. That’s another one you owe me, pal. I’ll leave it there as a reminder; you just pay me back at the first opportunity.

  2. By the way folks, I just went to post a new poll and completely drew a blank. Lay some idears on me. People with admin rights, post ’em if you got ’em.

  3. Why don’t newspapers or any other online sites use me as their text color on a white background? Oh, maybe because they don’t suck.

  4. The gray zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.

  5. The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a grey zone.

  6. The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.

  7. Oh really? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

  8. It’s really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there’s no danger involved.

  9. 1. Yo. I like the question mark there: “I’ve been calling you to do stuff for the last few days straight?” I think it’s healthy to throw in an odd question here and there? So what’s up. How about Saturday?

    2. Make a tee time if you want to golf but not at your rich man’s golf course or I can’t go. Also, I had to pawn my clubs for food so I will golf using old plumbing tubes I found. Also, I use rocks for balls.

    3. I would really like to golf so lets do it. Or, if you’re sick of it we could do something else. Whatever you want to do. But you have to pick me up from the airport or Colma or some other BART destination.

    4. Jen, I think we should settle our differences. I’m sorry I pointed out your egregious, pedantic hyperbole. Now you tell me your sorry you wrote such egregious, pedantic hyperbole. Good, I’m glad we had this talk.

    Your Friend,

    Boom Bold Cal.

  10. whizzz! I’ll call you later on today Cal, to try and set something up for this weekend?

  11. 1. Can one of the Moneypenny units please confirm that Erin got my happy birthday message; I left a message with both husband and wife, since you are “one” now. Did Mrs. Moneypenny have a happy birthday?

    2. I miss all you whazzers, even you, Cal: bad grammar and belligerance and all.

  12. Earlier today I thought I was reading whazzmaster. It turned out I was just staring into a lightbulb. Ironically, the lightbulb was more interesting.

  13. Attention, there is red text below the box I’m typing in. This must be made gray at once!

  14. 1. Whazzer: fuck you
    2. Fix Whazzmaster: fuck you, too
    3. Cal: your phone number that is in my celly no longer works. It says that the number is not in service. Call me to schedule a tee time for Saturday. My coworker and his friend want to play too.

  15. You have the right number, the Man swooped in yesterday and cut my phone service. Jerk. Anyway phone is back call me later today

  16. This website is a shame to the brewers organization. Please add some colors at once (blue and gold are nice), or shut it down. I refuse to bat until my demands are met. ahhhh. my eyes. I can’t see anyways. Do you see what you’ve done to me? Well? FUCKING, DO YOU?

  17. moneypenny where are you? call me! Have you set up a tee time yet? if not it might be tough to get one no? blarg!

  18. How come we suck?

    Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States.

  19. Someone told me this weekend that I’m so dramatic that if I were a man, Ru Paul would be out of a gig.

    4nyay – are you in Mexico right now? I’m going 7/22.

  20. Yo Cal: sorry I didn’t see your comments about the phone last weekend. I was sorta disconnected from wm.com for awhile. Maybe we can get together next weekend and play. I’m thinking Palo Alto Municipal course ($45 or $50 on the weekend). Or maybe we could play one of those newly renovated courses in the city (Harding? Isn’t there another one too?)

    Also, I’m working on my next post, which is an analysis of ALF. Enjoy.

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