A Photopictorial of My Bricky Friend

I just recently created my own new friend at work. He is a grey brick of indeterminate origin. With a little elbow grease and a black dry erase marker I have imbued him with two of the five senses, and more importantly with a sense of surprise and humor. I hope he goes on to big things in whatever walk of life he chooses.

Me and My Friend, He Hasn’t Decided What He Wants His Face To Look Like Yet

I imagine that he would look fairly suave with dangly, googly arms and legs. If e’er there were a more stately manifestation of good humor, I have yet to lay my eyes on it. He seems to delight in the most mundane things. Example:

My Friend, Delighted To Know He Stands By A Coffee Mug And A Beloved Picture In A Frame

I believe that what my friend lacks at this point are three things:

  1. A fine hairpiece or a hat.
  2. A belt of some kind, preferably with a belt buckle that captures his whimsical nature.
  3. The ability to speak, preferably in an elegant fashion.

Oh the things my friend would say, if he only had the power of speech. He’d go on and on about his hobbies, his likes, his dislikes. Though his silence is quite a barrier to overcome, his actions speak volumes.

My Friend Enjoys “Surfing” The Internet

Apparently, my friend is quite the fan of hardcore pornography and putting together online scrapbooks of his childhood memories (though the two hobbies don’t appear to intersect in any meaningful way… thank god.) Due to such things as the universal density of concrete and gravity, I’m almost certain that swimming is not my friend’s strongest suit. Skydiving also may not fit in with who he “is” as a person. He is, however, fairly adept at killing spiders and other assorted pests (nominally the size of a mouse {rats not included.}) I’d imagine that he’d be a blast to hang out with during a riot, a bar fight, or a particularly out-of-control UFC match. He could hold his own in any of those situations.

So, to conclude, my friend is the silent type. He enjoys some things (porn, scrapbooking). He is most assuredly a Libertarian. He can’t swim. He is aerodynamic but cannot fly of his own accord. If dropped off a tall building at the same time as a penny, he and the penny will hit the ground at the same time. He dislikes some things (people who aren’t truthful, housing costs in Belize). He tries his hardest to win the respect of all those around him. In short, he’s a great pal to have hanging around your cube all day.

–whazz on

26 thoughts on “A Photopictorial of My Bricky Friend

  1. dude, have you lost some weight? and I mean that in a “I don’t think you’re sexy and I’m gay” way, but a “I think you look thinner but I’m not gay” way.

    Oh, and by the way, to nerd out a bit… your new friend will hit the ground before the penny. Because of air resistance, the heavier item does indeed fall faster.

  2. Intuit software development, Nina speaking…just a moment.

    Intuit software development, Nina speaking…just a moment.

    Intuit software development, Nina speaking…just a moment.

    Intuit software development, Nina speaking…just a moment.

  3. best. post. ever.

    Would your new friend just wear the belt w/fancy buckle, or would he wear them in combination with a pair of pants?

  4. Holy shit, Timmah, what are you talking about? I’m a fatty these days. Also, perhaps I will edit my tale a bit and substitute “golf ball” for “penny”. I think you are correct about air resistance. Also, a question: was the Madd Scientist laid off/fired from SST? Or did he quit? Just wondering, because some of his story doesn’t make sense to me.katiek: Belt buckle only. A brick wearing pants!? That’s absurd.

  5. Hmmm… maybe I just got fatter so you look skinnier. Or maybe it’s that new fish-eye lens you’re using.

    Per Scientist… I won’t go into his work ethic/coding effort that would have gotten anybody else at any other job fired over a year ago… But officially, I think he got fired because he blew up at our boss and said some things over email that crossed the line. It was one of those “have security watch him clean out his cube” kind of firings. This is all hearsay, but that’s what I’ve gathered.

    Either way, I think I was indirectly involved in it, and that’s why he’s not talking to me anymore.

  6. What fun you computer folks have: get fired, play with bricks… funny as hell post by the way. Not much to add, except to say I enjoyed it as well as the phone call from your pants. Your left nut said some crazy shit. Not much to say here… I burned the shit out of my hand at work, but besides that, nothing.

  7. Thizzelle, we need to hang out again. We had so much fun the last time. I think about you and Judd everytime I see that nasty ass river outside Miller Park.

  8. Timmah: weird, he told us that he got to work one day, he got his bonus check and told his boss that he quit on the spot. Then they walked him down to HR, cut him a check for his remaining vacation, and he came home on his motorcycle, got his car, went back to work, cleaned out his desk, and that was that. Why would he lie?

  9. i’m glad when ppl see nasty rivers they think of me & judd. my morning is now complete. i prolly won’t be around for this next whazzgiving (if there is one), but i’ll be driving along to God’s playground if all goes to plan. where is this playground you ask? my future home…las vegas of course. i could become your personal bookie from vegas. i also think about you everytime i go to mlb.com. they aren’t happy memories though, as you have tied me in bts 🙁

  10. Thizelle: The Wisest Man On RecordIn other news: my wife wants to have a Passion Party at our house. It is like a tupperware party, or a candle party, or a wine party, or one of the myriad other things she gets dragged to on a monthly basis so that some happy hostess can get her free Burping Tub, or Divine Candle Sconce, or 1980 Muskrat Sauvignon or whatever. Anyways, the Passion Party consists of a bunch of women getting together to be sold various sex toys. I said erin was permitted to have this in our home on one condition: that I be allowed to set up hidden cameras in case one woman demonstrates something on another woman. I also want to be allowed to sit on the staircase adjacent to our living room, peeking through the spaces in the spokes of the handrail as if it is Christmas morning and I’m trying to catch Santa Claus. That is all.

  11. Passion Parties are a great idea…until I saw the credit card bill from the one my wife went to.

  12. In other news it is no against the law to drunk drive on frozen lakes in Wisconsin. Fuck. Here’s the story:

    MADISON, Wis. – People can be arrested for driving drunk on frozen lakes, a state appeals court ruled Thursday, marking the first case to address whether Wisconsin’s drunken driving laws extend to frozen bodies of water.

    The 4th District Court of Appeals reversed Dodge County Circuit Judge Andrew Bissonette’s ruling.

    The case began in January 2004. A Dodge County sheriff’s deputy responded to complaints that Paul Minnig was driving his truck recklessly on Beaver Dam Lake at 1:30 a.m., chasing snowmobilers and ice fishermen.

    The deputy found Minnig sitting in his truck, which had blown a tire and was stuck about 300 feet from shore. The deputy arrested Minnig after he smelled alcohol on his breath and noticed his eyes were bloodshot and speech slurred.

    But Bissonette threw out the complaint against Minnig. He said the state’s drunken driving laws apply to highways and other “premises” open to the public for motor vehicle use. A frozen lake doesn’t qualify.

    Prosecutors appealed.

    Minnig argued a frozen lake can’t a be “premises” as defined in the statutes. Previous cases have defined premises as land and the word can’t be defined more broadly than that, Minnig argued.

    But the appeals court said the Legislature intended for the word to be defined broadly in statutes involving public safety. For example, the court said, statutes allow the Department of Natural Resources to define “premises” to include all kinds of buildings that pose a risk of lead poisoning.

    Black’s Law Dictionary also says the word “premise” doesn’t have one definite meaning, the court said.

    What’s more, the court ruled the context of the state’s drunken driving laws show they’re designed to apply to areas where drunken drivers might threaten the public. Frozen lakes clearly are available for public use by anyone with a driver’s license and a vehicle, the court added.

    Many people drive cars and trucks on frozen lakes in the winter, the court said. But frozen lakes don’t have lanes, the court ruled, putting recreational users – such as snowmobilers and ice fishermen – in even more danger from drunk drivers.

  13. You goddamn kids, stop fucking on my premises! I’ll get the sheriff out there and then you’ll be up a fucking creek without your underwear!

  14. I would give anything not to know what a Black’s Law Dictionary is. It sucks. A+ post on your new friend, Moneypenny; it looks like more than just the 4th Ct. of Appeals is expanding definitions today, my friend (no pun intended).

  15. I went to a wedding with Adam Jensen last weekend; he called in a favor for driving me to O’Hare when I went to Mexico. I probably drank the equivalent of a case of beer between the party before the reception at Adam’s dad’s house, and the reception, and then our sad bar crawl afterward. Adam got really drunk and couldn’t stop playing these rip card lottery tickets, but he won over $100 – high roller for Racine standards. The high point of the night was when Adam’s dad drunkenly told me that I had no idea how many nights his son cried because of me. Or maybe that was a low point.

  16. Maybe I shouldn’t do nursing and go into a job that lets me have bricks at my desk…maybe not. Zach you will love the house when you see it, well what am I saying, all of you will love the house when you see it at Christmas time. Just a little reminder Zach, this year is my golden birthday and I can go with you. Mom and dad said on my birthday they would go to the bar with me and Ryan, I don’t know how long they would last.

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