The Rude Pundit puts words in Kerry’s mouth for this evenings debate. Oh how I wish that politics were more like this, and less like “Kerry voted to increase taxes 250,000,000 times in one weeeeeek! Your children are going to diiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!” I’ve excerpted a bit below, but I encourage you to go read the whole thing; it is that damn good.
If, at tonight’s “town hall debate,” when Kerry is asked, “What did you mean in the last debate by ‘global test’?”, he doesn’t answer, “You have got to be motherfucking kidding me, ma’am. That’s like asking Martin Luther King if he wipes his ass properly. That’s like asking an Iraqi child with his arms blown off by American bombs if he’s happy that Saddam’s gone. You wanna know what’s going on here? You have snorted from the Bush stash. That little bitch hunched on his stool over there has taken two words of mine and thinks he can disembowel me with them. Hey, you stuttering prick, considering your glowing academic career, no fuckin’ wonder you’re scared shitless of anything that has the word ‘test’ in it. ‘Global motherfucking test’ means that you can go anywhere in the goddamn world and talk to any fuckin’ person, and you can back your actions up. You can say, ‘Hey, look, we were right – motherfucker was gonna bomb the shit out of us.’ That means you could walk up to a screaming, bleeding soldier, whose dick was ripped off by a rocket-propelled grenade, and say, ‘You know what, man? Sorry about your cock, but you just helped stop the U.S.A. from bein’ nuked.’ That way, when that soldier is back home, lookin’ at the empty space where his dick used to be, he can be proud that he lost his prick savin’ the U.S. So that that soldier never has to think, ‘Why the fuck was I sent to that motherfuckin’ hellhole to lose my cock?’