Fuck This Guy’s Family. No Seriously.

Jesus H. Christ on a gamma ray: Benihana Chef’s Playful Food Toss Blamed for Diner’s Death.

A piece of grilled shrimp flung playfully by a Japanese hibachi chef toward a tableside diner is being blamed for causing the man’s death.

Making a proximate-cause argument, the lawyer for the deceased man’s estate has alleged that the man’s reflexive response — to duck away from the flying food — caused a neck injury that required surgery.

Complications from that first operation necessitated a second procedure. Five months later, Jerry Colaitis of Old Brookville, N.Y., was dead of an illness that his family claims was proximately caused by the injury.

[…]

According to Ferenzo, Colaitis, a furrier in his early 40s, had gathered with his wife, two sons and four stepdaughters to celebrate one of the boys’ birthdays.

Tableside cooking and chefs’ showmanship have been a trademark of the Benihana chain since it opened its first U.S. steak house in 1964. Seated around one of Benihana’s trademark hibachi dinner tables, the family watched as a chef diced the food as he cooked it.

Ferenzo said that the chef began flipping pieces of hot food toward the diners, once burning one of Colaitis’ sons. Asked to stop, the attorney said, the chef responded only with a smile and allegedly continued tossing morsels at his patrons.

When the chef flipped a piece of shrimp at Colaitis, he allegedly ducked away, injuring two vertebra in his neck. Doctors reportedly told Colaitis that if he did not have corrective surgery, another injury to the same disks might leave him paralyzed.

Emphasis mine. Holy hell, this is one of those things that make you wish you could punch someone through the internet. If it is true, and make no mistake I can’t verify the veracity of the article’s claims, then this idiot’s family should be run out of the country on a rail.

THAT EVIL CHEF SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. HE ATTACKED TWO PEOPLE WITH FLYING, COOKED SEAFOOD! GET HIIIIIIIIIIIMMM!

— jesus h. whazz

9 thoughts on “Fuck This Guy’s Family. No Seriously.

  1. Blaine and I just had Chinese food delivered and his did not show up. So during his conversation with them I hear, “Well we really wanted to get it tonight cause we’re kind of hungry please.” Holy shit is that funny.

  2. And the follow up call about two minutes later went something like this, “Well are they bringing it to us now, cause we really want to eat it?! Stupid bitch your supposed to call me back and tell me if you were bringing it!!”

    Total elapsed time between calls: 2 minutes

  3. Our follow up conversation with each other went like this, “Hey Blaine. I’ll give you a dollar to drink this whole container of sweet and sour sauce.” Blaine replies, “Hell no dude, it’s probably hot.” R: “Five dollars.” B: “Nah.” R: “Ten.” B: “Nah.” R: “Twenty.” B: “Twenty?”

  4. wow I guess my nonsensical story killed this post. Here’s a new topic to talk about:

    What do you want for Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukkah?

  5. Hi
    Being one of the stepdaughters of the man that passed away, you guys can make fun of it all you want, but let me see it happen to one of your family members, and see if you response would differ a little. Get a freakin life.

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