So I was playing poker online this morning when my doorbell rang. I had just awoke and was sitting around in a ski hat and some boxers, and I know I wasn’t expecting anyone. I ran to get a pair of pants and stumbled down the stairs. Through the window I saw two older gentlemen, and before I could listen to the shrieking alarms going off in my head I opened the door. As the door swung open and I noticed The Leader was holding a Bible my brain said, “Nice going, dumbass.”
He immediately launched into a small lecture about Satan on Earth and such. He asked if I was interested in hearing more. “Sorry,” I told him, “I don’t believe in that stuff.”
“What stuff?” he responded.
“Well — God, religion, all of it. Sorry.”
He seemed pleased and said, “Well, then perhaps you could learn from the Scripture–”
I cut him off and said, “Look, I’ve done Bible study, I’ve done theological study of Christianity, I was a baptized and confirmed Catholic. The Bible is an interesting book and it teaches people how to be good, but I don’t believe in a ghost in the clouds.”
Now he seemed confused. He said, “Surely you can see that there is evil in the world today. Why, did you hear about the woman in Missouri who killed another woman and cut the baby out of her stomach?”
Actually, I had just read the news story concerning that several minutes prior on the web. Without hesitation I responded, “Yeah, I heard about that. Funny how that happened in a Red State don’t you think?”
“A ‘red state’?” he asked.
“Yeah, a Red State.”
“Well, I don’t know anything about that, but there’s always drive-by shootings and such here in California.”
“Yeah, whatever.” I was starting to get impatient now.
He handed me some pamphlets and I asked what sect he was from. “Jehovah’s Witness,” he replied. I told him and his silent friend to have a good day.