Fisticuffs

Footnotes are glorious constructs, seemingly invented to further the evolution of Humor. Even in a staid text on Kansan politics, hilarious footnotes can ride out onto the plains in glorious, hilarious battle. I’ll first quote the original graf, as it contains several… shall we say entertaining and informative nuggets itself. Then I’ll get to the footnote.

The bitterness persists today, poisoning political activity right down to the roots of the grass. Republican precinct committee positions, the lowliest offices in the political hierarchy, are often hotly contested in Kansas. Primary elections for state legislature seats and even school board positions often find the defeated Republican, whether Mod[erate] or Con[servative], refusing to concede and instead battling on as a write-in candidate in the general election. There are squabbles over yard signs, and homemade slander campaigns startling in their barbarity; during the weeks leading up to the Republican primary of 2002, I saw hand-scrawled placards reading, “Help Homosexuals/Vote Candidate X” planted along a busy street in the outer-ring Kansas City suburb of Olathe. The candidate thus impugned, a man who would be considered a stalwart conservative anywhere else in the country,explained to me that he had alienated the suburb’s leading Cons ten years previously by supporting the availability of AIDS literature in the public library. A short while later, he caught up with the gentleman planting the DIY signs and discussed the matter with him over fisticuffs.[15]

For the hilarious ending to this drama, click through the jump…

[15] The candidate lost.

Ha hA!

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