Erin told me last night that she wants to go to Costa Rica with her sister before the wedding in June. I told her I didn’t think she would go because she would get kidnapped. She will not listen; fine, whatever, go get kidnapped in some Central American jungle. I will be sad when I can’t come up with the kidnapper’s ransom.


16 thoughts on “Kidnapped!

  1. The ransom will be set at…..2 Wrestlemania tickets and enough cash to buy 3 hotdogs, peanuts, cotton candy (if available), 10 beers and a Rene’ Dupre t-shirt.

  2. Awesome. It is now passport application time. What do you do when (1) you have no idea what happened to the passport you had in high school, (2) your name is not even the same anyways, and (3) you don’t know where your husband was born or how to spell his middle name? Not good.

  3. 1. I went to a talk today after class by a death row exoneree. I learned that no matter how much I hate my life because of school, at least I’m not on death row for a wrongful conviction.

    2. I contacted the Old Man; virtual passport advice forthcoming.

  4. Hey Whazzers, wassup. I went and played 18 holes today to try and get myself better prepared to play with the big boys on Sunday. The result: Hmmmm…. Not so good. =(

  5. Hey Zach, why don’t you come down to San Ho for lunch? I have Grdon Biersch coupons – we could gaze at each other lovingly over a spaten. Also, it will cost me $25 to get out of the parking garage downstairs, because the time will max out by then, and I’ll have to pay another $25 when I leave tonight. What do you think? Want to come here? If not, I’ll still be happy to come up there.

  6. What you need for international travel:A big blue US Passamaport.Three Canadian flag stickers and/or patches for your luggage.Gum (except for travel to Singapore.)Money (you may substitute dinero, duckets, moolah, or fat-cash) not to exceed $10,000.A visa is required if you are traveling to a poor country that doesn’t want your money. (Costa Rica wants money from rich American tourists, so if you have a roundtrip ticket and are staying less than 90 days, no visa is necessary.)“But, Oh Wise One,” you say, “I have no US passport and know not how to acquire one.” Here is an easy step-by-step guide to passports.Step One: Get born in the United States. Most of you have already done this. It is so easy, even a child can do it. If have not done this, read the addendum.Step Two: Obtain original or certified documentation of said birth. The birth certificate has to have the stamp and seal. The National Center for Health Statistics has a nice list of offices maintaining birth records.Step Three: If you married or changed your name, get that certified document too.Step Four: Get photo ID. State ID, driver’s license, military ID, or US passport will do. Make a photocopy.Step Five: Get two passport photos. Walgreens does a better job than Glamour Shots, but sometimes you just want to feel pretty.Step Six: One passport application. For new applications, use form DS-11. For renewal, use DS-82. If you only had a kid’s passport (issued to children under age 16 and good for only 5 years) and are now an adult, you have to file for a new passport with DS-11. You don’t get to renew the 5 year (except as another kid’s passport.) You can get the application at your US Post Office, Clerk of Court, or online at You can fill out the DS-11 , but don’t sign it yet.Step Eight: As if you don’t pay enough in taxes, now they want more money. You’ll need $55 for the grown-up passport, $30 for “acceptance”, and if you want a rush job (can’t wait 6 to 8 weeks?) another $60.Step Nine: For a new passport, take it all to the acceptance office, usually the US Post Office. After you grease their palms (see step 8), they’ll have you sign the application and then they will mail the passport application in for you. In 6 to 8 weeks you will get your US passport back. You will also get your original documents back.Addendum: If you never bothered to get born in the US, you can still get a passport. You’ll need a certificate of US citizenship, naturalization, or a Consular Report of Birth Abroad. And, if you don’t have that, it can still be done, but then it gets complicated.

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