I have a hard time believing this is an April Fool’s joke, simply because Michelle Malkin is the kind of batshit insane right-wing loon of Japanese heritage who wrote a book defending the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. She used this defense to further justify the opinion after 9/11 that the U.S. should have shipped every Arab or Arab-American to camps somewhere.

Today, however, Michelle takes on the scourge of *bum bum bummmmmmm* Mary Jane. Not entirely sure if she’s going to complain next about those damn kids and their makeout parties and loud music, but there you go.

Googlevangogh_2Many readers have been writing in about a graphic used yesterday on Google’s search page. It shows the word “Google” with strangely hypnotic, multi-colored swirls of paint. Some of my readers think this “Goo-graphic” is meant to be a subversive homage to this new drug called “Mary Jane.”

I did some digging and it turns out they are correct. Somehow this “Mary Jane” is much more noteworthy in the eyes of the pathetic liberal shills at Google than the resurrection of our Blessed Saviour.

Have you heard of “Mary Jane?” Do you have kids? Parents? Friends? Acquaintances? If you stop reading now, you do so at your peril.

The Urban Dictionary lists seven definitions for “Mary Jane.” But, here’s the one that fits my political agenda:

Slang for marijuana. It originates from the Spanish language.


Let’s smoke that bowl, hit the bong,
And then take that finger off of that hole,
Plug it, unplug it,
Don’t straaaain, I love you Mary Jane,
She never complains, when I hit Mary,
With that flame, I light up the cherry,
She’s so good to me, when I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen … [sic]

–Cypress Hill; Hits from the Bong; Black Sunday

“Mary Jane” refers to the drug marijuana or “Cannabis Sativa; a plant containing tetrahydracannibonol, more commonly known as THC, the active ingredient which provides an existential like state of cosmic interaction known as being high” — and it’s spreading to a town near you.

Oh god, laughing… so… hard. Wait, it gets 10,000 times better:

In Norway, the authorities estimate that one in five desperate “potheads” engage in drinking their own “bong” water. According to psychiatrist Michele Catalano, medical director of Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament Hospital in Great Neck, New York, the growing trend here in America has alarmed high school driver’s ed teachers across the nation:

There are just as many “root causes” for this as there are ways to medicate yourself. For most of the teens who do this, it’s a kind of release. They have bottled up emotions and the only way to let the pain out is to get “high.”

It’s not just teenagers, illegal immigrants, Japanese-American internees and gangstas who are doing it. A concerned grandmother recently sent me the following email:

I just found out this week that my 32-year-old daughter is a “hop-head.” She has a decent job at the Piggly Wiggly, a nice man to take care of her and three wonderful children. They live in an upscale ranch house. Her “Desperate Housewife” neighbors smoke “dope” also.

Oh lord, so much more material where this came from. I encourage you to click the link and view her insanity in all its glory. Holy crucifuckwad I’m laughing. Another plus: a bunch of people who also think she’s a nut went and posted comments. Extremely funny as well.


UPDATE: Shit! Fooled twice in one April Fools! Not. gonna. let. it. happen. again. Must. think. harder.


18 thoughts on “High-larry-us

  1. Well if those crazy Norwegian “potheads” are drinking their “bong” water, I will have to pay my homage to this new drug called “Mary Jane” with my “Desperate Housewife” neighbor (who also smokes “dope”) whilst staring at the “Goo-graphic” in hopes of getting “high” and blame it on one of the many “root causes.”

  2. Man, these religious people are crazy. I was reading about the frail and unconscious Pope and found a list that must be followed when the Pope dies. The following seems a little wierd:

    “The camerlengo, now Cardinal Eduardo Martinez Somalo of Spain, must then verify the death — a process which in the past was done by striking the forehead of the pope with a silver hammer.”

    So to be sure he’s dead, let’s go ahead and hit him in the head with a hammer.

  3. I think that should be the Dead Test applied to every living item, even plants… especially plants. And the Madddddddddd Scientist. Where can I buy a silver hammer? OSH? Menards?

  4. I like how the Vatican is against technology when it comes to birth control and stem-cell research, but for technology when it comes to keeping the pope alive on machines. Fucking hypocrites.

  5. I also like how the Pres wants to “always err on the side of life” when it comes to politically hot issues like Schiavo, but not when it comes to bomming oil rich third world nations, or death row inmates in Texas. Oh well, I am probably just too much of a Marxist to understand.

  6. LOVE WISCO AND THE WONDERFUL HOMESTEAD CREDIT. My state return was a windfall. Sometimes I really love being poor.

  7. GMC, i’m wondering why you’re fascinated with il popa. Did you used to be a Catholic?

  8. stiffly, haven’t you been eating up the catholic opinion on terri schiavo….

    letting someone die is ok.
    hooking someone up to life support is ok.
    taking away life support is not ok.

    stem-cell research is ok.
    any known way to obtain stem cells is not ok.

    birth control in any form is not ok.
    fucking in the butt is ok.
    fucking little boys in the butt… also ok.

    catholics rock.

  9. Any of you all seen the Office? It might be the finest show I’ve ever seen. Well, it’s British and a hit, so there is now an American remake on NBC. What the fuck? It’s like watching a high school play. Very odd. If you’ve never seen it (the real one) you should. And then watch the American version for a laugh.

    In other news, I hope they show that silver hammer ceremony on tv.

  10. wirkus, yes, the office is funny. both versions.

    i actually compare steven colber…t? to mitch hedberge.

    mitch’s humor is being funny about being funny.
    steven’s humor is being funny about being not funny/annoying/clueless.

    most comedians humor is being funny about being normal.

    lesson over. the office is funny. should be a first or second screen season pass.

  11. 1. See: Madd likes the Office. Really, check it out.

    2. I went in on March 7th to have my taxes done by VITA at Na Na El Rey’s. They did em, then me and Jess had a tamale lunch for $3.80. Two weeks later I called the IRS to see what the hold up was on my refund. The IRS said my shit was never filed. I called VITA back everyday for two weeks to ask them what was up. They never called me back. Last Monday, I went back to Na Na’s: they apologized, took down my number and said they’d fix it and call me back. They never called. I left about 30 more messages until they called me back. Some lady called me back and said she’s refile them. That was last Monday. As of today, the IRS does not have my taxes. UG. Overall, VITA’s been great, but this round has been a nightmare and many a mexian racial slur has creeped out my mouth at Victoria Gonzalas and her incompetent band of bean counters.

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