I have a hard time believing this is an April Fool’s joke, simply because Michelle Malkin is the kind of batshit insane right-wing loon of Japanese heritage who wrote a book defending the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. She used this defense to further justify the opinion after 9/11 that the U.S. should have shipped every Arab or Arab-American to camps somewhere.
Today, however, Michelle takes on the scourge of *bum bum bummmmmmm* Mary Jane. Not entirely sure if she’s going to complain next about those damn kids and their makeout parties and loud music, but there you go.
Many readers have been writing in about a graphic used yesterday on Google’s search page. It shows the word “Google” with strangely hypnotic, multi-colored swirls of paint. Some of my readers think this “Goo-graphic” is meant to be a subversive homage to this new drug called “Mary Jane.”
I did some digging and it turns out they are correct. Somehow this “Mary Jane” is much more noteworthy in the eyes of the pathetic liberal shills at Google than the resurrection of our Blessed Saviour.
Have you heard of “Mary Jane?” Do you have kids? Parents? Friends? Acquaintances? If you stop reading now, you do so at your peril.
Slang for marijuana. It originates from the Spanish language.
Let’s smoke that bowl, hit the bong,
And then take that finger off of that hole,
Plug it, unplug it,
Don’t straaaain, I love you Mary Jane,
She never complains, when I hit Mary,
With that flame, I light up the cherry,
She’s so good to me, when I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen … [sic]
–Cypress Hill; Hits from the Bong; Black Sunday
“Mary Jane” refers to the drug marijuana or “Cannabis Sativa; a plant containing tetrahydracannibonol, more commonly known as THC, the active ingredient which provides an existential like state of cosmic interaction known as being high” — and it’s spreading to a town near you.
Oh god, laughing… so… hard. Wait, it gets 10,000 times better:
In Norway, the authorities estimate that one in five desperate “potheads” engage in drinking their own “bong” water. According to psychiatrist Michele Catalano, medical director of Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament Hospital in Great Neck, New York, the growing trend here in America has alarmed high school driver’s ed teachers across the nation:
There are just as many “root causes” for this as there are ways to medicate yourself. For most of the teens who do this, it’s a kind of release. They have bottled up emotions and the only way to let the pain out is to get “high.”
It’s not just teenagers, illegal immigrants, Japanese-American internees and gangstas who are doing it. A concerned grandmother recently sent me the following email:
I just found out this week that my 32-year-old daughter is a “hop-head.” She has a decent job at the Piggly Wiggly, a nice man to take care of her and three wonderful children. They live in an upscale ranch house. Her “Desperate Housewife” neighbors smoke “dope” also.
Oh lord, so much more material where this came from. I encourage you to click the link and view her insanity in all its glory. Holy crucifuckwad I’m laughing. Another plus: a bunch of people who also think she’s a nut went and posted comments. Extremely funny as well.
DARKEST SKETCH.DARKEST SKETCH.DARKEST SKETCH
UPDATE: Shit! Fooled twice in one April Fools! Not. gonna. let. it. happen. again. Must. think. harder.