Wrestlemania 21 and The New Pope

Wrestlemania 21 is today. Sadly, we probably won’t repeat last year’s activities of slicing our heads open a la Eddie Guerrero, but a Good Time should be had by all anyways. This year GMC is hosting LIVE from PACIFICA, and there may be… probably will be… most definitely will be LIVE updates BY GAWD~! Two guidelines this year:

  1. No one will be grilling any food such that they are unable to watch 1/3 of the broadcast.
  2. No one will dump a beer of any kind on my head.

Last year I made the mistake of starting to drink at 10am and was so plastered by the end that I don’t even remember the main event. This year I plan on waiting until noon to start, and since the show starts at 2:30pm PACIFICA Time I should be ok as far as remembering the whole thing. Also, I will have to drive myself home from PACIFICA, so I can’t go over the top.

Scott Fournier will be bringing Pulled Pork to eat.

As is wont to happen when pope’s die, the Cardinals need to choose another one. I will now present a radical option to these Cardinals: pick Tony Hawk. He’s XTREME, you see. He would bring in the coveted 13-24 age group Catholicism has been dying for lately. He could even have a thing where, whenever he meets a head of state, he’d have them lay down in the middle of St. Peter’s Square and do a 180° nollie over them. Then he’d say a prayer.

I have a backup plan, because I’m pretty sure that the new pope has to be a Cardinal in order to be chosen. In that case, they should pick Mark McGwire. He hit a ton of home runs, people! Broke Maris’ record! Remember the Summer of 98′, when he had a good natured feud with Sammy Sosa? He obviously has the media skills to be in front of people all day giving speeches and stuff, and he’s fucking gigantic for Christ sakes. Any world leader gives him guff (“Fuck you, pope, we’re goin’ ta war anyways.”) and he just cracks the shit out them with his special Popeville Slugger bat.

If not McGwire, then at least David Eckstein. I hear that kid has got some heart.


ps– Anyone else find it weird that McGwire name is spelled the way it is? Like, ‘mick-gee-wire’?
pps– I’d like to think that the only place you’d ever hear the line “Fuck you, pope” is in some depraved action movie starring Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken. Of course, Walken would say the line.

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