Bay to Breakers?

Shouts to Cal: I forgot Bay to Breakers was last weekend. I’m sure you ran in it; how’d go? Did you beat The Kenyans? Did you trip on some dude’s wig? Did Greg push you in the Mudd at the halfway point? Give us your trip report.

41 thoughts on “Bay to Breakers?

  1. HOLY CHRIST

    BEST. NEW. INFOMERCIAL. EVE#R!#%!#%

    they are trying to convince me that the formula for their new anti-aging face cream was found in heirogliphics in a fucking pyramid#%!#%

    the cream was supposedly used on the mummies to keep their skin good.

    THEY ARE FUCKING SELLING MUMMY CREAM. AND THEY HAVE LIKE A MILLION INTERVIEWS WERE PEOPLE ARE LIKE “IF IT WORKS ON MUMMIES IT’LL WORK EVEN BETTER ON ME!”

    PEOPLE CAN NOT BE THIS DUMB. HOWEVER. these people may understand how over the top they are and thus trapping me into overanalysing it. sort of like that “NADS” hair removal cream a couple years ago.. they said NADS like 100 times and pretended they didn’t know what that means.

    GOD DAMN MUMMY CREAM.

  2. hello there suckers! yes the bay to breakers was a fun time! but it ain’t no HALF marathon. what’s up salon.com don’ tyou know that what a marathon is? anyway it was fun. i ran it slowly because had a race the day before and guess who won??? guess? guess? not the madd scientist. not eroz, that’s right CAL won! very exciting. man if i could win the brewers sausage race 5K I would stop running forever. there would be nothing left to win really… anyway wha’ts up moneypenny? when r u going to come to the city again? it’s great! it never stops raining! i want a refund. anyway over and out,

    cal

  3. i use mummy cream and i can personally attest that those mummys were right in their choice of cream because it keeps my skin mummy soft! just fyi

  4. madd scientist you are living in minneapolis yeah? where? what do you think? what else? are you winning big bucks playing cards? wirkus? anybody want to get in on BEAT THE STREAK???? go to mlb.com -> fantasy -> beat the streak… sign up and join “Win Twins League” password: mlb.com. do it it’ll be fun!!!

  5. where’s the love whzzmaster.com? are you too busy thinking about wrestling to say congratulations cal on your big win, we knew you had it in you? and don’t worry about the rain, it will pass? and you know, even if you don’t someday win the brewers 5k sausage race you’re an ok guy and… alright we love you cal. that’s right, we love you and we want to marry you. cal do you promise to have and to hold and love honor and cherish whazzmaster.com? i do. whazzmaster.com com do you promise that you solomly swear to have and to hold in sickness and in health for rich or poor? do you? do you?

  6. are you impressed or what I’M THE CHAMP I’M HTE CHAMP TEH CHAMP THE CHAMPA YTHEOJHDOFKJNALFKJD

  7. do you like that mix i made for you? do you? do you???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? i like your sideburns!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that picture under the sideburns picture is creepy however. not the jet engine. the creepy one.

  8. did i break this website with my question marks?Yes, yes you did. Thanks a lot Cal. Where were you running in Big Basin? Did you run on the Skyline to the Sea trail? That’s the one we hiked last time. Holy shit it was long.

  9. my inquiring mind broke the whazzmaster spell! i asked a lot of questions and the system cracked! take note kids! i didn’t run that skyline to the sea, but i know that trail -13 miles i think -to the ocean. i would like to hike it someday! we should go there and camp one of these weekends!!! i’ll bring my ukulele and we’ll sing songs. oh de du da day… so what’s up do you like that Special Ed song? “My Name is Special Ed and I’m a Super-Duper Star/ every other month I get a Brand New Car!”

  10. I’m kinda spoiled/ Cuz everything I want I got made/ I wanted gear–got everything from cotton to suede /I wanted lead–I didn’t beg I just got laid/ My hair was growin too long, so I got me a fade/ And when my dishes got dirty, I got Cascade/ when the weather was hot, I got a spot in the shade…

    I wonder what he wanted with lead?

  11. i live in plymouth. it’s a suburb of minneapolis. sort of like how calville is a suburb if metropolis, if either existed and one was the suburb of the other and calville was the suburb.

    i am living fine.

    how much would it cost to sponsor you in your next race? i want to make a tshirt and make you wear it.

  12. it wouldn’t be something rude like “cal is gay” either… it would just be a website address.

    i would not rule out calisgay.com though…

  13. i am officially even from the poker disaster 4 days ago.

    day after disaster i lost another $260, so this was quite a feat winning back over $1100 in 2 days.

    sigh. my job sucks.

  14. 1flound88 $774
    2 P A L $516
    3gibbeh3$323
    4gambelero2$232
    5scot21$206
    6KcaShMoneyK$168
    7buttons123$129
    8Martino$103

    Final hand, he has me covered by an inch: I have QQ he pushes, I call… he has 33. Flop A4J…turn 2…river…5.

  15. no bother though: this touney was bankrolled with the magic 400 betonbet.com gave me. Madd youre right: that site is the shit!

  16. OK, kids, I have a confession to make: I thought that working at a PD’s office (that’s short for public defender) would be great – funny like working for HK in a cynical and weird way. I figured I would relate fascinating stories with wit and humor that would entertain the masses at good ole Whazzmaster.com all summer long. Unfortunately, Raytown County Jail is not a funny place. It is not witty, and it is not entertaining. It’s just plain fucking sad. This week I did some boring admin stuff, filed lots of papers, folders, etc. I also did “intake.” Intake is when you are poor and have been arrested for something probably related to the fact that you are poor and are too poor to make bail, so you get to sit overnight in jail until your bond hearing, which is done via teleconference to keep the poor people who can’t make bail out of the courtroom during which they are screwed most of the time, because if you can’t make bail, you probably can’t make bond (unless you by some grace of God get a signature bond, which is basically never), so your poor ass sits in jail until your status conference or prelim hearing or whatever. On Tuesday I saw drug dealers (not just a little pot like we’re probably all familiar with, but big time crack dealers who looked mean and scary), armed robbers and attempted murderers. Moreover, the motherfucking DA’s office is so concerned with being tough on crime that they prosecute statutory rape at every chance they get, so putting mildly retarded kids in jail for having consensual sex with other kids is just all in a day’s work. This whole tough on crime stuff is all just bullshit, though, because putting people in prison for 50 years and saying you are tough on crime is like burying a fatal case of carcinoma and trumpeting the fact that you are tough on cancer. IT’S AFTER THE FACT, PEOPLE. I was really worried that I would hate all the criminals–oops, I meant clients–but I really just hate the police and the prosecutors. It’s a really good idea to put a squad car on every block in poor neighborhoods, throw all the poor (read: latino or African-american) people in jail and then talk about how these people are all just criminals using irrational and selectively prosecuted drug laws. It’s just brilliant. Then all these assholes are elected judges because the voting public (read: village idiots) are too stupid and isolated from the real world by suburbia to have any inkling of what is going on. So, I’m pissed. Pissed enough to want to be a PD and live in poverty the rest of my life trying to stick it to the Man by getting criminals out of prison whenever I can. Fuck it, we’re going to five blades.

  17. You’ll have to excuse my French, but that’s what happens when you spend all week with criminals: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/70300494.html

    Can someone repost how to make a link? I always have to look up the old post, and step-by-step it because I’m retarded like a statutory rapist, but I promise I’ll write it down, memorize it and never forget. Thanks.

  18. yes i need a sponsor! i’ll wear anything, T-Shirt, chicken suit, whatever. nice post jen!!! fantastic. um what else. here is how you make a nice link. say my website is called “http://www.DAMN POKER: I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU.com” first, you make one of these: ” and repost your website (http://www.DAMN POKER: I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU.com) SANS QUOTATIONS (or type anyting you want actually it dosn’t matter)then you close it off with .

    http://www.DAMN POKER: I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU.com

  19. what a mess that is. what happened? sorry jen, i’m in too deep here. get one of these computer nerds to help you.

  20. 1. Whoa, how did you do that? It’s like you cast a spell, but it went wrong.

    2. Good work on the race, but you’ll need to step up the pace if you want to win the sausage race.

    3. Those poor, poor crack dealers…

    4. I do like this sponsor idea.

    5. Crap pants.

  21. 1. Yeah my spell got all messed up somehow. I shouldn’t mess with computers without proper supervision… That’s how this website broke in the first place. Like when those damn brooms were supposed to clean and then they got cleaning too fast and then it’s flooding and the mopping and the raining. Too many questions not enough answers. Moneypenny is up in the clouds thinking how he should stop me but then I’ll never get past this stage in life. Tough love huh moneypenny. Thanks man.
    2. I know I have to run faster to win the sausage race. I think I can though. That trail race was up and down and sausage race is flat so that will help. My best 5k time is 18:17 –you can follow along at home here. Somebody find the results of previous sausage races! If the winner came in over 16 minutes I think I have a shot.
    3. Finally, I would like a good poker story but minus all the jargon that I don’t understand. Cal over and out.

  22. wirksu, i swear to god there is some magical mystical force going on with our poker play. after i posted earlier, i played some more, cleared a $150 deposit bonus and won another few hundo. things were back to normal, money was pouring in, and i thought to myself, “i bet wirksu is having a good night too… it always goes that way”.

    indeed it does.

    i think cal cast a spell on the 2 of us. seriously like the last 20 times i’ve had a bad run, wirksu has too. last 20 times i’ve had a good run, wirksu has too. very odd.

  23. and jen, you can seriously expect me to believe you are just now figuring out how fucked up and irrepairably damaged the american legal and political systems are.

    i ask you this, how would YOU fix it?

    when i ask myself, my answer always seems to be near communism.

  24. without communism, people like me are allowed to thrive.

    that is a bad thing.

    shit, i mean once i sponsor cal, his contribution to society will be running next to a brat for 16 minutes.

  25. I’m up in the clouds thinking about how awesome this class is. Wrestling Update: A week previous to last night, Carlito Carribbean(sp?) Cool defeated the Big Show by feeding him a poisoned apple. WWE: Liberally Stealing From Snow White Since the Late 70’s.

  26. Madd–I’ll be the first to admit that I am naive and idealistic; seeing this mess in person has left me in total shock. By the end of the summer I expect to have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

    I don’t have the answers yet, but I can guarantee you that when I do they won’t just be close, but they will be communistic. Fucking property rights. Goodness grief.

  27. look at communism: everyone does their fair share

    look at anti-communism propeganda: spewed by rich white people that don’t want to do their fair share. they are terrified by it.

  28. the next PPV is in minneapolis. should i go, i don’t watch smackdown, so i don’t know any of the stories going on.

  29. Last nite I watched a recently purchased DVD entitled, “The Strip Game. Presented by Method Man.” This DVD includes such great names as Meth, Red, Cartoon, Ghostface, and……Travis Barker from Blink 182. The whole “strip club documentary” follows these guys through some of “Americas finest strip clubs” (aka Atlanta, Houston and Miami) and gives you the behind the scenes reactions from the strippers themselves. At one point in the DVD Meth is talking about how he “won’t get with a girl if she aint neat down there.” One of the fat guys he is with looks dead at the camera and says, “Not me. I love me some wolf pussy.” This DVD is a must have for the season.

  30. Scientist: the code ain’t mine; MovableType is fucked. It actually ate my <p> tag yesterday. I need to maybe hack around and fix that shit code.

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