R. Kelly Equals Ridiculous

If you haven’t heard the full five part version of R. Kelly’s Opus to Cheatin’, “Trapped in the Closet”, you are really missing a ridiculous treat. I don’t know what R. Kelly was smoking, drinking, eating, or fucking when he came up with the idea for this lunacy but it is very entertaining in a car-crash sort of way. The background effects are awesome, and when R. threatens to shoot someone if they don’t tell him what the hell is going on. Also, the way he supplies his own censoring “boops” over the swear words is hilarious. “Girl you better cut the bull*boop*!” Sometimes I think he says *doop* instead of *boop*. The only thing I haven’t figured out yet is whether R. is aware of the massive, slap-you-in-the-face hypocrisy of the protagonist when he gets caught cheating on his wife with another married woman by that woman’s gay husband (who just got home with cruisin’ with his boyfriend Chuck) and then goes home and gets pissed that his wife was cheating on him. ARE YOU AWARE THAT IT SOUNDS AS STUPID AS IT IS, R. KELLY? I demand to know, if only for my own sake.

The CD comes with a DVD that contains the long-form video of the whole cheating saga. I can’t wait to watch it when I get home.

Also bought the new Missy Elliott CD and the new Oasis CD. We’ll see how those turn out.

RAJ OUT.

18 thoughts on “R. Kelly Equals Ridiculous

  1. From long time ago comments by Wirkstew: In other news, me and Lynn took our grandmother to play bingo for her birthday. It seems noone plays regular bingo these days. You have to make crazy shapes, kinda like keno. We played no a one game of regular ol’ five in a row bingo. One of the shapes was called “sputnik” and while playing I heard Lynn mumble to herself, “My sputnik is nearly complete.”

  2. yes, the r kelly opus is a treat. agreed fully. and the storyline is truly clever.

  3. YOU PURCHASED THAT CD? Return it. I can’t handle the burden of technology and that cd in the house at the same time.

  4. zach, you missed the best part though… the married gay dude is a preacher, and the dude he fucks also fucks one of the other bitches. i think shakespear is ghostwriting for my boy r nowadays.

  5. and the fact that r is literally hiding in the closet while the husband of the woman he is fucking is figuratively hiding in the closet… all while the chorus screams… blah blah blah IN THE CLOSET… blah blah blah IN THE CLOSET. nice

  6. another good “songovation”, in the “ain’t nothing like those summer nights” song on the radio right now, in one of the verses the dude talks about being at a party and “pick up the mic, like, ain’t nothin lik ethose summer nights”… do you see whats going on?! dude is singing about singing the song he is currently singing. there must be some really good weed going through the rap community these days.

  7. Did anyone know that a Mike Springer is playing in the GMO? Apparently, he is 212 on the money list and tied for 32nd at even par through nine. Crazy.

  8. Holy crap, that guy is a golfer? Awesome. You should go watch, UBS! In other news, I bought of Journey songs on itunes, and I have decreed it a Journey day at work today. The theme of today is “Don’t stop believin”.

  9. Yeah, Journey. It’s better than listening to R. Kelly all day. My brain would explode. Jeebus.

  10. Wee-ooo-wee-oo! Here comes the hyperbole police to take you away to exaggeration jail, Erin.

  11. Don’t you have any special powers? Yeah. I can get my feelings hurt and throw a giant hissy fit.

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