Write a newspaper article about how all the restaurants in your city are serving fucking enormous portions because if they don’t, the Milwaukeans used to the ol’ 96er-fer-96-cents will go up the street to stuff their fucking faces at O’Bigportionnigann’s. My reaction to the article: the Journal-Sentinel’s veiled attempt at calling Milwaukee a City of Fatties.
“The greatest way for a casual, mid-scale restaurant to improve the diner’s experience is to increase portion size,” Guilfoyle said. “A secondary benefit is often the consumer will take food home with them.”
The takeout container reinforces the restaurant brand and becomes a second chance to instill customer loyalty, he said.
At some restaurants, the big signature item may not make it to the doggie bag, but tongues still wag nonetheless.
The Outback Steakhouse has its Bloomin’ Onion, which starts out tipping the scales at about 1 pound but, with coating, ends up at your table weighing closer to 25 ounces. It’s supposed to be feed four people, but couples like to order it, and polish it off, said Ross Steger, proprietor of the Outback Steakhouse, 1260 S. Moorland Road, Brookfield. The chain also has locations in Fox Point and Greenfield.
“We never labeled it as giant food,” Steger said. “It kind of grabbed people’s attention as we walked through the dining room and so forth. It’s more of a visual thing.”
The eyes have it.
“We pretty much sell one at every table, if not then every other table,” Steger said. On a weekend, the restaurant will sell 100 to 150 of the colossal onions at $6.29 a bloom.
In the land of the free and the home of the value conscious, big sells.
So, the reason these restaurants sell fucking enormous portions is so when people take them home, they’ll see the take-home bag in the fridge, and while stuffing their face will say, “I LOVE O’HEARTATTACKS FOOD, LET’S EAT THERE AGAIN!” Except that’s not the reason, because as we see above, two people rountinely sit down and shove 25 ounces of onion in their fucking mouths before they ever get to their dinner! I was almost nuts at this point, but then the newspaper followed it up two days later by running another article off a wire, so on to…
OK, so two days after Milwaukee celebrated the fact that the majority of their city won’t buy any food in a restaurant unless it’s less than 20 dollars but more than 20 ounces, they run an article blubbering about how a bunch of shows on TV are about fat people. Oh boo-hoo, lady. From the article:
And coming soon is “Thick & Thin,” an NBC sitcom about a young divorced woman who has lost 60 pounds and struggles to fit in with her chubby family and overweight friends. In the opening scene, we see the woman’s mother topping a mountain of cheese with butter as she makes nachos.
“Mexicans invented butter,” explains the mom, played by real-life weight-battler Sharon Gless of “Cagney & Lacey” fame, to raucous guffaws.
That IS pretty funny, considering that slathering nachos in butter and cheese doesn’t sound all that different from two people eating a gi-fucking-gantic deep fried onion meant for a family.
So why is fat such a big joke these days? Are fat people the last minority deemed acceptable to ridicule? We’ve gone through racial and ethnic jokes, gender jokes, gay jokes – even jokes about the handicapped. Fat is our final frontier.
But with studies showing that as many as 65% of Americans are clinically obese – and obesity is now recognized as an official disease – why is this suddenly fair game and funny?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because it’s difficult to watch someone bang on their dinner table demanding the buggest fucking steak in the house with a one pound side of fries, then inhale it and complain about the $9.99 price, then squeeze behind the wheel of their car and go home to watch TV for the rest of the night and complain that they’re being picked on by a glowing box without breaking into gales of laughter. Fucking gales and peals of laughter, after which you shoot yourself because the world is full of self-righteous ham-creatures.