Last night I briefly considered doing that thing where you listen to the Top Seven At Seven on KMEL and then call in with the list to win some Kanye West tickets. Then I realized that doing so would be thoroughly ridiculous and went back to cleaning my bathroom.
In other news, I’m probably going to make my wedding room reservations soon. Big J, I’m just getting a room for Friday night because I’m staying with Wwhazz in his SWEET on Thursday. Let me know if you want to be in on that (Friday).
Jessi’s sister wants me to sing the Love Stinks song from The Wedding Singer in lieu of giving a speech. My thought was to go the Maid of Honor route and just go up there and cry and blather for 5 minutes. Wwhazz’s idea was for me to mumble the whole thing. My second idea was to tell a bad beat story from Pokerroom.com, as if I was telling an allegory, then conclude with, “Fuck you, davisdavisX99, you river piece of shit,” and sit down. I had another idea this morning: cut a wrestling promo where wwhazz is my tag team partner and he’s about to get a singles shot at the IC title. Then at the end, I’d hit him with my chair, steal his title shot, and marry Jessi.
That just made me realize: you two should re-enact the start of the McMahon-Helmsley Regime. Wwhazz, you take Jessi to Vegas and drug her. Marry her at a drive-through church where you say her “I Do” in a falsetto. Then bring her back home and have a “Love Her or Leave Her” street fight with her brother. If no brother can be found/exists, a handicap match against all of her sisters will suffice.
(throw a) discus