Today is Friday the 13th. It’s also a full moon tonight. SPOOKY. Anyways, for you viewing pleasure, remember the story I told you about the dark and stormy night in a San Franciscan warehouse? Remember this line?
They brought out a ladder, and set it up right in front of the wall where they were projecting the movie. A guy with a suit and long kinda scraggly beard put on a headband with a flashlight and ascended to the top. He sat on the ladder and told us matter-of-factly it would be a long speech. And then he launched into a LONG SPEECH. I stood and listened to the whole thing, and for this reason: this guy was apparently the leader here, and he had arranged an awesome party.
So he started blathering on about “Number FOUR: Jim is cool!” and whenever he raised to toast to one thing or another, I dutifully raised my glass and yelled, “To BLAH!” Cal was standing next to me and he started to get cranky. “This speech is boring,” he said to me. Then he turned his ire on the speechmaker, shouting “BOO!” I grabbed him by the arm and asked if he’d like to get atacked by a pit bull and then thrown out in the rain. I threatened him that I’d punch him if he didn’t shut up and let this modern-day Jesus give his speech. I swear to god, if Cal would have been at the Last Supper he would have sat in the back pouting until Jesus was saying, “And my body is bread, and my blood in wine and stuff–” when he started yelling, “BOO! Jesus, you are soooo boring!” Then Jesus probably would have crossed his arms, I Dream of Jeanie-style, and turned Cal into a salamander. Anyways, I quietly yelled at Cal until he went over by Sam, who was standing far from the speech. Then he came over by me and booed again and I punched him.
Oh yeah, and while all this is going on; while the speech is being made, and people are toasting, and Cal is complaining about the Length of the Speech, Naked Musician is flanking the ladder as if he is the honor guard, and every time Jesus uses a rhetorical flourish in his speech, Naked Musician lets loose with a alto sax improv routine. doodle-doodle-doo! Oh yeah, and the whole time of the speech he’s bouncing up and down ont he balls of his feet, so his donger is waggling around. Best Speech Ever That I Didn’t Know One Major Point Being Made Due To Threatening Cal, The Platform The Speech Was Made On, The Accompanying Music, and Other: check.
Remember it? Read it again, burn the description into your brain. How does your mind’s eye describe it?
My literary descriptions are boundless and correct.