WWE, R U JOKIN ME?!

Up is down and backwards is forwards. Motherfucking Mark Henry main-evented the Royal Rumble?! Rey Mysterio won the Rumble itself?! R U JOKIN ME?! Eff off, WWF. You suck.

44 thoughts on “WWE, R U JOKIN ME?!

  1. eh… it was pretty good. I mean, Mark Henry is way dumb, and no one cared about that match one bit nor the shocking return of the Undertaker (who used magic to blow up the ring) But Cena/Edge was pretty good and the RR was, as always, pretty great. I’m really not sure what they are setting up for Wrestlemania. I mean, Edge got really killed to the point where it seems like his time as champ is waaayyyy over, and Mark Henry was, I think, just killing time before WM.

  2. Also, that shit jessi posted last week about me watching wreslting in my boxers and yelling? That was a lie. I was in clothes and I was just watching it. No yelling.

  3. if you thought the WWE hit some sort of prime 8 years ago, just watch TNA now… all the same guys. sadly this also applies if you liked the WWF 18 years ago if you SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what STING. IS. COOKING. TNA: where wrestlers go to break something and die. hopped into ring games… 3 2-4 limit, and 1 3-6 limit… wading in the low limits. now imagine a real heart breaker bad beat… you have a seemingly unbeatable hand, and unbeatable draw, then that goofy 4 of clubs comes on the river making the most obscure beat possible but still highly improbable. now imagine 3 of those AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. but fuck my ass we aren’t done. now imagine the entire set of 3 at once done twice. now put that all in 15 minutes as well as classic bad beat singularities popping up left and right and you’ve got my 2nd ungodly shitty night in a row. i stress: poker is dumb.

  4. KK,JJ,JJ all at once… overpair at least, set at most… all lose. AA,QQ,AKs all at once top pair + flush draw with the AKs, a set of queens, and the aces when the board paired 5’s looked a lot fucking better. but not against someone with A5 re-raising me all the way. not even insanely improbable. this shit is impossible. i can’t even beat anyone at fucking backgammon for fake money now. i’ll have fools where they cant win unless they roll 6 6 twice in a row. have you ever played thunder road? that shit is hard to do ONCE. boom, my opponents can do it back to back on WHIMS! or how about i just need to roll a 2, 3, 4, or 5. on either dice… just any of those numbers will do… and for 6 turns in a row i roll 6 6, 1 6, 1 1, 1 6, 6 1, 1 1. ?#!^)(*&#^! ARE YOU JOKING?! on the 6th roll i praised the devil for his almighty power and he delivered the 1 1 as to say, HOW YOU LIKE ME…. NOW! my luck is dead. i am convinced society thoughts in some way dictate chance is this quantum reality. there is no other explanation for my luck tonight.

  5. in fact, everyone go roll a die. you get one chance, and no practice rolls. if you roll a 6, i owe you $1. we are on the honor system… i guarantee you will all roll 6’s. enjoy the magic.

  6. i don’t think society is trying to keep me down, i think they are just looking to get the down up, that is if chance in any way can help them. very odd these cyclical cycles. there is some larger force at work… but not a seperate force than us… a force within us. oh shit, i really was brainwashed by lucas.

  7. boom zap zappity boom zap boom boooooooooooooooom zap zap zap BOOOM zip? zap zap zap boom CRASH! there is no god boom zap ZAP BOOM! ZAP! WHOOOOOOSH BOOM ZAP!

  8. google karmatic and you get 15,000 results of people using it as you would assume, yet it isn’t in the dictionary. i am going to do something about it.

  9. HOLY SHIT joe’s casino open again?! that place be jank, the dealers don’t wear shirts and fart a lot.

  10. so we took the dog on an adventure to the pet store today, and they got 3 foot bull dicks on sale for $9. on the 5 star recommendation from dudie i picked one up for the Q-man. the cashier asked if i knew what it was and said that she could never bring herself to give one to her dog. fucking socialists.

  11. god damn dogs love eatin bull dicks… fun fact, i just caught rach-o lurking on whazzmaster… i asked why she doesn’t post if she wastes her time reading it and her response, “because you guys talk about crazy stuff”. i have successfully alienated even my own fiance from this odd place. party on wayne. party on. oh, it is 2:25pm and i haven’t gone to sleep yet. i’m going crazy. it’s interesting.

  12. so craps dealer, me and jay from ss tizzzee would go to reno and roll craps for 2 days straight and he got to be good friends with one of the dealers. we went to his house once, and hung out after a few of his shifts. one night the dude hooked us up with the hotel’s limo all night and took us on a strip club tour getting in free everywhere, and then off to an awesome locals bar. ball. er. at the end of one of his shifts the other dealer came over with his share of the tips… which was over $700. now, you might look at most craps dealers and equate them with gas station clerks, but my guess is a lot of those guys have serious gambling problems or debt from something else, because it seems like an awesome job. it’s sort of a team thing too because you always work with the same 4 guys (3 working one on break, rotating)… i don’t know, seems like fun, and, uh, i already got, uh, training.

  13. jay had been rolling craps so long in reno, he’d been this dudes friend for years… so there is the added bonus of having people like that in your life if you choose to.

  14. so i’m reading slashdot and i see my old boss post stuff he shouldn’t have… now i’ll link to it in hopes it blows up in his face somehow. the employee who went to HR wasn’t me… i obviously didn’t care about silly performance reviews anyways. that is because i wrote the software for them and understood that the scores were basically meaningless after they were “normalized”. now.. uh… lets all think about performance evaluations … does that data need to be “normalized”? they claimed yes because certain managers rate people differently. so instead of addressing that problem, they basically just averaged the scores so they were “more normal” thus “normalized” right? i loved pointing that out. i loved it even more when they didn’t care. fucking joke. but seriously i think antwon just called his ex-employer racist in a public forum. not bright. i’ll forward the link to his old boss too just for shits.

  15. ok, seriously, my dog has not even looked up from that fucking giant preserved dick in like 2 hours now. he probably hasn’t even took an inch off it. is he going to stop before the entire thing is gone? whoever figured this shit out deserves my praise… after a stern look of “dude… WHY?!”

  16. CAL! HI CAL! I CHALLENGE YOU TO COME UP WITH 4 DIFFERENT MARKETING BRAND NAMES FOR PRESERVED BULL DICK. FUCKING GO!

  17. holy christ why isn’t someone selling boner pills named foreverect…. i mean… that is fucking genius. and world, i give it to you. free of charge. such is the mind of a great man.

  18. foreverect.com is available. now the only thing in between me and 3.2 million dollars? ambition. fuck, i’ll always be poor. oh well.

  19. 1. Anfernee bitchin on Slashdot: guess he doesn’t do anything at his new job either.
    2. foreverect.com: How much VC money do you want? You’ll get it.
    3. I like moo straws the best.

  20. Zach, got the article. Man… I was like, weird, there sure are a lot of car chases on TV and then it turns out there is this whole culture surrounding it.

    San Diego fun fact: when I write my return address I tend to write San Diego, WI but Jessi writes Milwaukee, CA.

    Adios!

  21. Madd,

    The thing about the moo straws is your dog will get good at them. Parker was going at a rate of 1 inch per 4 hours of chewing but now he can take down a long one in 4-5 days, and he expects them.

  22. i think i’m on to something with this societal subconscious group control… think about most of the people in and around san diego… probably a lot of illegals… and what are they thinking about all day? getting away from the cops. so i think it’s that general mind set that actually catalyses the chases in the first place. sort of like prayer. now it has been proven that 1/24 is the most depressing day of the year. so since that day, fucking moronic headcases have been laying around CONVINCED that things are turning around and they can’t get any worse. and what happens? i get fucking jew’d out of every pot by a miracle goat raper. what caused their good luck? the belief that they MUST get lucky… they control their own destiny and don’t even know it. whatever… by mid next week they’ll subconsciously awknowledge that they have been getting fuck my ass lucky for the past week, and things will turn around and i’ll get my money back 10 fold. during all of this, i don’t care. that non-caring is the only way to win long term. the religious implications of this theory are muy intersado. that means “good thinkin stuff” in mexican.

  23. i got up at 1 today. am. sharing the social thoughts of other locals who wake up at 1 am is probably confusing the shit out of my subconscious. damn vampires.

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