If Interested, please call CAL

It’ll be fairly busy this weekend for me, so I’m setting up this thread if you want to babble on about your petty human concerns.

Tonight I’m dinnering with The Henkels in San Francisco, then will hoof it back down to San Hozer for Judd’s bachelor pre-party. Saturday I’m meeting Cal to go apartment hunting in the city, then I need to get ready for the Bachelor Real Party in the evening. Three Babes? Urr, um, yeah, I guess we’re doing that. Our old friend Dr. 4nyay is in charge.

Oh yeah, we sold out house. Booyah, *high voice* money, money, money, MON-NAY!

— it’s just that i’m old school like that, roll that rap over soul beats like that

36 thoughts on “If Interested, please call CAL

  1. sold! congratulations! looking forward to the hunt. i would like a quick stop off at TraderJoes??? on sat if you don’t mind… sceizer don’t you miss trader joes? i sure would if i moved away… i have, however, heard rumors that mpls is getting one. horay apartment hunt! horay tj’s! horay sceizer!

  2. crap, the two apts i wanted to look at are off the market already, and the only stuff left in potrero is crap. cal, come to my rescue with your magic fingers!

  3. trader joe’s pickled garlic is pretty much perfect… i tried like 50 one year at the garlic fest and they were my fav. never really cared about much of their organics… the milk and eggs at most grocers is fine by me. their meat selection left me wanting, and was fairly pricey by comparison across the market. i liked that they had liquor, but it was pretty high too… i got a few 1.75s of sky and i think a bottle or 2 of belvy over my trips there and it was always like 15% over chain grocery liquor prices. so trader joes is basically a fancy quiky mart that sells awesome pickled garlic cloves. don’t really miss it at all. the new one is going up in st louis park like a few blocks from where rach-o works, so i’m sure we’ll go there…. especially if they bring that $1 bottle wine back. i remember timmah would buy that shit buy the case of cases and drink like 7 a day. thanks for that trader joes.

  4. the entire concept of a chain of anti-chain chain stores also confuses the shit out of me, so i’m scared away by the deep irony.

  5. Judd’s bachelor party tonight. I will be drunk, but I predict that activities will not suite my tastes in Fun. In any case, I’ll be taking pictures for later, so I guess we all have that to look forward to. Also, a passed-out Billy and a way-too-salacious Scott. And a puddled Judd. To be continued on Sunday…

  6. Howdy!

    Back from Vegas with a story to tell… in list form, of course.

    1. Waking up and, on a lark, driving to Vegas is much different than buying a plane ticket and then gnashing your teeth and squirreling away every penny you find until you get there. You don’t feel the need to jam 78 hours of fun into an 80 hour container, and really your mind, body and soul feel a lot better when you get home. We went to bed at 2-3 each night and got up at 10 still packing in more booze, gambling and fine dining than a man, woman or pug should be allowed.
    2. Driving down the strip in your own car with both your wife and dog is a surreal experience.
    3. Dogs don’t have a bankroll, so when it come to pets your choices are the 400$ a night Four Seasons or a 40$ hellhole somewhere in that magical land beyond the Stratosphere. Downtown Vegas might be the seediest place on earth. It’s where the results of a city that conspires to squeeze every penny out of every person are swept. Upon leaving our hotel, I saw a hobo’s wiener, a hooker and was offered blow before I was a block away. The bum was peeing, flat out peeing on the sidewalk, the hooker gave me a classic “Hey Baby!” and the dealer called me Charles Schwab (I was in a suit) and asked if I needed any coke. Overall, the picaresque-loving aspect of me enjoyed this experience, but I feared for both my wife and dog, and after dark, he stayed in, and we cabbed even the 3 blocks from our front door to the Stratosphere.
    4. On the flipside of this coin, I Charles Schwabbed my way over to Delmonico’s at the Venetian to meet my dad and his work pals. He comes once a year with 15-25 dudes, and they had reservations for 12 as the group is very fluid and spreads out all over town. Well, this time 18 showed up for dinner, uh-oh, and I figured I was off the gravy train. To compound the problem, they mistakenly made the reso for 8 instead of 12. Luckily, my dad’s biz partner is a quick thinking sociopath and he told the host that the reservation was supposed to be for 18. Delmonicos is owned by Emerill and is very exclusive (I’ve been able to get a reso there 1 out of 3 Vegas trips) and this bold move paid off big time as Big E himself overheard this conversation, pumped my dad’s pal’s hand and personally played the role of David Beach and pushed a bunch of tables together to fit us and offered to cook our meal himself. BAM!
    5. Gambling went well. The Wife gave me 2 hundo on the first night and when we got home I had 260, so I played the Vegas Economy like a fiddle to the tune of two free days of thunder.
    6. The house band at the Stratosphere is A + $1.22. This all Asian powerhouse played such ephemeral hits as My Lumps and Don’t cha and lemme tell you, you haven’t heard em until you’ve heard em sung live with a full band behind them. Dude even did the horse whinnine in “No, NO, NO NO don’t funk with my heart”. Wowzas.

  7. Why was this place so quiet? Where is the Madd Mcmuffin? And Cal why ya so grumpy these days. Reread your last few posts. You’re worse than me, grandpa.

  8. Was your Schwab suit purchased at the Men’s Warehouse? It sounds like a Men’s Warehouse suit. Does it have fine Men’s Warehouse stiching? Were you wearing a tie with the suit? Was the tie purchased at the Men’s Warehouse?

  9. Madd, what are you gonna do for your B-day party? What about lawman? Law, what you want? I got some cool ideas for you. Mostly A or B: rent a van or rent a cabin. I’d like to incorp fishing or bluegrass.

  10. we went to an oasis of evil in the heart of suburbia… it smelled like a strip club (in a good way i guess). the crowd was like 25% madd scientist types, 25% rach-o types, 25% afro-centric thug, and 25% fatty fat fat bitches all dolled up. the thug style was extremely impressive… the cash business in plymouth must be booming, cause i don’t think a single dude wasn’t wearing gators. a lot of mafioso suit types too… all in a bowling alley bar. very different experience. then rach-o puked everywhere. she is 25 today, so i guess that was her quarter century extraveganza. we went to zanders cafe before hand, a live jazz wine bar in st paul. when we showed up i was like, reservation for 2 under mc madd cognizant, and dude was like, oh sir, that reservation was for 1… then i said, no it should have been for 2… then emerill started touching up on rach-o.

  11. who was the fake mc madd cognizant? everyone knows i don’t use capitals you jew fuck. i fucking stomp haters, so back up off DEEEEEEEEEEZ NUUUU-UUTZ.

  12. oh, and my birthday was a month ago. me and rach-o got drunk, she bought me all kinds of art supplies, and then i made a beautiful painting. i hung it up in the living room. the next day rach-o took it down. hater. i stomped her.

  13. my only theory is that wwwwwhazz really did get that suit at the men’s warehouse and somehow feels odd about that and fake posted himself. but it really doesn’t have a wwhazz feel too it… more cal i suppose which of course opens up the moneyman impersonating cal, but again, it doesn’t feel right. alandovos? why? bellygirl? hmmmmmm…. she would have inside info, and her enigmatic personality would easily mask the truth. so after all my theoretical analysis i’m saying 60% chance bellygirl. 20% wwhazz. 9% cal. 9% moneypenny. 2% dovos. fess up. but because i’m 60% sure it was bellygirl, i’m 100% sure it was bellygirl. that is how my logic works.

  14. i CAN NOT lose a 60/40. i will myself to victory every time. ask wwwwhazz about calling my all in when i held the 8 high nuts… negroe, you know better than to fuck with my 60/40.

  15. I’m gonnna say the faker is katiek and her naughty little baby, and the question was your bachelor party, not birfday. Also, I own 3 suits all of which are my dad’s castoffs, so I’m not sure where they came from. I can’t win a 60/40 and you can forget about a 50/50. I’m up a very, very, very small amount this year. Like 1.37$ an hour and way too many hours spent clicking away. I tapped out of the oil last night, was too sleepy, but I’m having at it tonight.

  16. couple nights ago i had 20k chips in a $10 tourney with 161 fools. i’m chipleader with like 80 left. only top 10 pay. i pass out. i wake up in 14th place with 14 left, all in in my big blind. i have AQ. i flop an ace. i still lose. seriously, what kind of cruel fate woke me up RIGHT FUCKING THEN, so i could SEE how big of an idiot i was? i mean that shit is straight blumpkin, YA HEARD?!

  17. i was playing for like 45 minutes by passing out in between hands and waking up by the “ITS YOUR TURN JACKASS!” beep. i guess i finally allowed myself to ignore it… even though i was in good shape to win hundreds of dollars. working out my subconscious’ logic system that made that choice would be interesting to me… i mean, do i really need sleep right now… that bad? hundreds of dollars bad? damn. i doubt it. subconscious, prepare your records team for an audit.

  18. “but because i’m 60% sure it was bellygirl, i’m 100% sure it was bellygirl. that is how my logic works.”

    That is how your logic works.

  19. Also, it might have been brian, up alone and drunk in the middle of the night, fakin it like a blue He-Man.

  20. if in my logical universe being 60% sure implies 100% sure, then that implies that being 60% sure OF being 60% sure is enough to imply 100% sureness. i think there is a lot of poker logic to be mined out of that idea. being 60% of being 60% sure of being 60% sure and still, I’M CONVINCED! i’m guessing the ideal spot to draw the line would be 61.8%… aka the golden ratio. divine intellect comes from this idea.

  21. it’s like electrons going through a neural fork… if one side is 61.8% conducive of drawing the electron, then it WILL get the electron, thus in actuality it was 100% sure all along.

  22. like 50/50s can exist… and you can even sway and have 55/45s… but once you get to 61.8%, that is the breaking point and everything goes one way. i’m not sure how the slope approaches this point though… i think it’s a natural slope and just hits a wall.

  23. at 61.799999%, exactly 61.799999% will go with the favorite… but at 61.8% (assuming the same reality plane as the 61.799999%) then 61.8% becomes 100% it’s a dangerous inflection point of trivial celebration!

  24. it’s like watching a plant grow, and the nodes always somehow knowing that the golden ratio is the best spot to do this… my theory is not that it knows the golden ratio, but that the golden ratio is able to imply a result “right around there”, thus it has been adapted by all things that “live”. the golden ratio IS life.

  25. god, this tourney is going on forever and i haven’t even been dubunked on here yet. bah. welcome to the grind.

  26. just took down a 10k pot and typed “SERVED” then… “as in YOU GOT”. haha, man i showed him.

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