Got my bonus from work and went down to Bed, Bath, and BEYOOOOND to get myself the following holy trifecta: a juice machine, a coffee maker, and a down comforter. Thanks Intuit; I’ll be drinking juice and sleeping in comfort because of your generosity tonight.

I watched the $100-$100 NL game on BetonBet for awhile. Some dude went all-in pre-flop for $19000 in a 3-way game. Awesome dude, you took down $200 in blinds. I only watched for a little bit but saw a couple of $7000 showdowns. Man, when you’re sitting three handed with $7000 against 2 guys with $20000 stacks it must make for a little bit of nervousness. Unless you’re rich as fuck or the consumate player. Scientist, when will I be seeing you sitting 20Gs large at that game?

Mad shouts to MOG: your kid has the pictures on a CD since I couldn’t threaten my computer enough to make it want to cooperate. Someday computer, someday *shakes fist*

We’re nearing the end of the first week in the new pad, and I must say everything’s falling into place nicely. I’ve been to the gym every morning this week, and my rice cooking skill points are through the roof. I think I’m ready to start grinding my next skill: juicing. An apple here, some Clenbuterol there, and I’ll be right as rain.

I may get a surprise visit from Cal this weekend; now that I live near public transportation he has no excuse, after all. I also have one last trip of junk to remove from the old house so’s that the people who paid us a half-million dollars for the joint can move in.

Finally, I’m really excited for my trip back to Madison next week. I was invited to A Party at the O’Rumsey Estate. I hear it is not to be missed, and so therefore I plan to attend. Screw Evite, I use the power of my own web presence to announce my Attendance Intentions.

— i am/sofa king/we todd ed

25 thoughts on “Couplathings

  1. FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRST. you will never see me gamble $20k. i am a simple man. how long are you going to be in town for? perhaps with some better planning this time i could make it down and good and drunk you up a bit. YA HEARD?! PS: cal is visiting me right now.

  2. We are drunk (me and wife) we are going to bed and in the morning we are taking the train to TJ. See ya, would not want ta be ya.

  3. Ok. I see the flaws in most poker players, including errryone I know. Madd, what is mine? As a friend: spell it out.

  4. if someone else believes you are HOOOOOOOOOOOGAN at the poker table, then you *& ARE *&%* HOOOOOOOOOOOGAM at the poker table… and that is all that matters.

  5. actually scratch that… i’ll try to put a little more effort into a better explanation. you are not trying to win by playing your game… you are trying to win by playing AGAINST someone elses game. you’ve spent countless hours analyzing your own game to find and plug holes… now you must realize that those holes exist in the same spots for everyone… find the ones that are post common and RAM YOUR HUGE HOOOOOOOOOGAN COCK INTO THEM AND BREAK THEM APART. you have to trivialize the other player, then turn them against themselves in the most twisted way imaginable. i can not even think about how i do this. it happens in too many dimensions to even perceive it. it’s like being a ninja, you just have to have so much experience that you know the perfect way to approach any situation… much like the borg, to destroy a human, break the 3rd vertibrea… death is immediate. think about dancing… how do you explain how you dance? well… all your joints are connected, and as one moves, it effects others. well there are like 40 joints all interconnected in my poker game, and they all flex. so when i encounter another game, and we get into it… i can perceive how our jointed “games” are both changed by each other. so basically i know how to “dance” with this guy. now i just have to get the lead, and convince him i’m about to do the foxtrot, he is nervous, but he takes the first step… like a dog that isn’t sure why you are calling him over after he was bad. then i do the first step of the foxtrot and now the other guy is like “no reason to worry, we’re doing the foxtrot! i know this one…”. then i punch them in the face. i am the best asshole i can be. but it’s a game… that IS the game. convince someone to foxtrot with you, then punch them in the face. i’m not even going to proof read this, it’s probably non-sense rambling though.

  6. the only way that strategy works is if you are the best dancer in the room AND the best asshole in the room… so the only way to make it work is practice.

  7. then you have to realize that you’re not the only one doing it… you may notice someone else running around the playground and going up to people like, “HEY, LOOK OVER THERE!”, the look, and he punches them in the face. he is proud, and you see it over and over. then he comes up to you, “HEY, LOOK OVER TH…” you should have already punched him in the face.

  8. so the trick, i suppose, is to find a way to wander through the room convincing idiots to foxtrot with you, while at the same time counter punching those who would like to play their childish games with you… once you got that down, then you can also fit in punching dudes right after they punched someone else… thus effectively doubling your punching man count.

  9. you know, juice really isn’t all that healthy for you. can’t you just eat the apple instead?

  10. pokerroom reload bonus 20% up to $200, code: JDTROJAN3 valid until march 22nd.

  11. big ups to best buys new “instant rebates”. and fuck you best buy for forcing me to give you BIG UPS for something you should have done anyways. i hate you again.

  12. Scientist, you get another penny in the Whazzmaster Rakeback fund for that comment about foxtrotting, then punching in the face. You’re up to $0.02. Keep it up, you clear at $10.

    Also, that’s just a really fucking good analogy. One of your first late night theoretical exercises you’ve made it through in awhile. I think you could honestly write a poker book; hook up with Wirksu and get rich, biatch.

  13. you must realize the ol’ foxtrot step step punch is just one of infinate moves… and after you use it, you’re probably not going to use it different against anyone that has seen you do it… instead you’ll fox trot with them, after step one they will be waiting for your punch… it wont come… step step… nothing… step step… now they are confused. when they are confused, you win. so as you foxtrot in a warm embrace (do you embrace during the foxtrot?) well, anyways, you’d gently ask “hey, you dance great… wanna waltz?”. “sure”. step step PUNCH TO THE FACE… now this guy is pissed… he doubted you, then you won his trust and you deceived him again the exact same way. now he is embarassed. no more questions… he is stunned, and just like the UFC, PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH. don’t let up. if he fights back, it’s real. if he comes at you with hay-makers, decide what sort of risk you want to take. to sum it all up, it’s making the best decision at each opportunity, but taking into consideration your decisions themselves as means to sway your decision at each step. also, it helps if i have a few beers, a swayed value system confuses the sober. i believe the golden ratio controls every single theoretical system i have tried to present in this post.

  14. also, the group of players as a whole is also it’s own conscious that acts as a buffer between everything you do to another player… so you’re never really punching the other person… your punching the thing inbetween you and the other person, and the way it reacts within it’s quantum space will make it punch the other dude in the face. like an airmatress, if someone TINY is sitting on one side, and 4 HUSKY dudes plop on the other, then the tiny dude is going to go flying. it’s like that… but sometimes you see the thing in between in such a way that you realize, hey, if i punch right there, this fucker is going to shoot out right at everyones crotch! holy shit, i’m doing that! and then it fucking works. once you understand it like that, and the results match the hypothesis consistently, THEN you understand poker. COMIN OUT, WATCH YOUR DICKS!

  15. actually, i’m just bullshitting, poker is nothing but preflop hand selection, and raising as much as you can at every opportunity. it’s that simple. i was lying before.

  16. Good point re: lack jajane v/ isaac newton, jajane would F5 dude through a table like an olden day scam worker.

  17. Blast from the Past:

    [March 10, 2004 07:46 PM] by bellgirl
    holy shit, only 4 more days until wrestlemania, i’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I can’t wait until i’m sitting at BW3s with one hand on my beer and the other on my crotch, hardy har, har. oh and what the fuck Brock Lesnar in the NFL, he’s never going to make it, he’ll be back to WWF by September, he’s such a pussy little bitch!

  18. Do you think the word ‘crotch’ was invented when someone was like, “We need a gender-neutral name for the area where your unmentionables spill forth from your body.” “CROTCH!” the assembled congregation rapturiously shouted.

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