Let’s Chat, Whazzmaster.com

It’s been a long road, whazzmaster, and a lot of you have been here for awhile. You shook off your boots and stared in wonderment at countless unimaginable poker hands gone awry and for some god-knows-why reason decided to stay awhile. Was it my rapier wit? Pictures of an absinthe-drunk Scientist falling down in Mission Ale House? The stevemisracksucks.com saga? My madd photoshopping skills?

I’m so sorry.

I’d like to class up the joint a bit and I’ve got some idears, but they’re not quite ready for primetime yet. Plus, you jerks would probably wreck it anyway. In any case, I’ll be pushing tetris blocks behind the scenes, young jeezy, and you can bet your ass that when I get a Four-Row-Special that shit’ll go bling-blung. Until then feel free to amuse yourself. And if, by the grace of god I ever finish my special project, and no one is left to see it… fine, I’ll go get new friends.

— A whole new world/A new fantastic point of view/No one to tell us no/Or where to go/Or say we’re only dreaming

128 thoughts on “Let’s Chat, Whazzmaster.com

  1. i believe there is ALWAYS room for funny. the more you are convinced a certain situation does not have room for the hahas, the more potential it has to use that irony against itself.

  2. Shrug… it was dumb, and I don’t really care, but I’m really fucking bored so here goes:

    1. It’s old news. You went to a strip club last winter and you’re telling me about it today? Why? Because you are out of ideas and your story is due?
    2. It was cold for Georgia winter weather standards? Why do I need to know this? Big bouncer man? Are you also a poet?
    3. Nothing is done to convince me that this is the dirtiest strip club in Atlanta. I’m sure there are many lower rungs on the picaresque ladder than this place. Where any of the strippers missing limps? I know of a place in Atlanta where there is a stripper who is missing a hand (ty, GMX). Could you see a fine line of hairs running down from a stripper’s belly button like a line of ants? Any scars and stretch marks form giving birth? Were they using an old high school lunch table as a stage?
    4. You will not see any vagina at Visions. It is a topless only club. If a girl shows here vag there she will be fired. Don’t tell lies or comment on things that you are not qualified to comment on.
    5. If I were the editor, I’d hand this back and ask her to re-dream the entire piece. Tell me about what you saw (using details) and how you (a 20x year old girl from not the South who does not frequent strip clubs) felt about what you saw when you went to this specific strip club at this specific time.
    6. Who posted this? DH?

  3. wow, your post is what i really wanted to say, but i didn’t want to be mean just in case it was the storie’s author posting the link. didn’t want another hinkle on our hands.

  4. I have a feeling Hinkel posted it. Basically, a Whazzmaster version of that part in How High when Meth says “GET HIM.” Whoever did it, good show. We have a new Dumbest College Journalism Hack on our hands. What’s this bitch’s next assignment? A dissertation on the “dirty tini’s” available around downtown Madison? No, it couldn’t be– she probably doesn’t know what a dissertation is. Go back to the Statesider, concern yourself with yelling at your housekeeper, go buy a cute backpack at Fontana, and stay the fuck out of my alma mater’s newspaper.

  5. I didn’t think mine was too mean. I just said what I didn’t like using examples. Was it mean?

  6. Yo, Anonymous Coward:

    You should e-mail that story to Visions. Is this a tort? Could Visions sue her for claiming they show illegal cootchie?

  7. it’s not mean… but by the time the examples are done being made examples of themselves, there isn’t anything left of the piece… it’s just like… bitch… you are dumb… i believe you are trying… but you are dumb. like, that is the only logical conclusion that could be made after tearing apart the article… and some people don’t like it when you make it so obvious how dumb they are. hinkle on the other hand is dumb trying to be something even non-dumb, but doing it as dumb as possible… he’s like dumb squared, and that is why rage is the reaction to his pieces, and simple non-interest is the reaction to ms. aubrey was it? doesn’t aubrey sound like the name of a chick who needs to lose a few pounds? and gain a completely different face?

  8. “As I was wondering what the hell I was doing there”… obviously not enjoying the moment… you know… so you could write about it later objectively… one more logical assumption says obviously you didn’t. well… lets just say that if you did, and still decided to add that sentance to your article, knowing what it implied… well then you are a fucking idiot, and i’d rather assume you were not, thus my acceptance that you just didn’t know. it’s ok aubrey… you don’t know a LOT of things. so just go ahead and stop writing dear, it’s useless.

  9. “Dear madd scientist, as I was wondering what the hell I was doing, I accidentally wrote you this love letter. It’s the stupidest letter ever written, and the dirtiest, which fits you to a ‘tee’. Love, Skwuar-Head McGee.”

  10. ya jeri-curl eddie munster lookin fat upper lip got a cochroach using it as a che’ lounge lookin mother fucker.

  11. So, I’ll ask a question I think I already know the answer to: I double up twice in a row, then won another pot by going all in three hands in a row in the $20 multi. I went from $1100 to $4900. The fourth hand I had JJ in mid-to-late position. Under the gun goes all in for about $2500, and then the guy to his left (the chip leader at the table) immediately pushes over the top of him for $6000. Do I call two all-ins with JJ after an incredible string of hands, riding the wave? Or do I fold there, is it not my space? The result: I folded, KT vs. AQ, the board ended up all lows and I would have scooped and become presidente of the tournament. Now, since I dribbled to my usual miserable finish near the bubble, its nice to think I made the wrong move there, but I didn’t really want to call an all-in by the chip leader when I had just pulled myself into a good position overall (this was when there was about 45 left) and any number of flops could strike me dead. WWSD? WWWD?

  12. if you can guarantee to be able to turn 18,000 into a top 3 finish, and don’t mind going home right now, then call. if either of those is not the case, fold.

  13. 8 minutes left until next PL O8 multi… after 5 bubbles in a row, i am going to consciously put a plate restricter on my game and see what happens. if i gain downforce and don’t shred my tires, i may have to think about some permanent adjustments. wish me luck! i guarantee victory.

  14. and man, why did i have to go personal attack on aubrey… i guess attacking the work itself seems pointless… like sticking a finger in a hole in a dam… just plug the shit up is a much smarter solution, so i guess personal attack is my wet dry cement. i’m sorry sweetie, your little ensemble top set really accentuates your frame. i shouldn’t have knocked it. also, your hairline is sexy… like REALLY sexy. smootches! oh, but stop writing please.

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