The Foundations

Build Me Up Buttercup

Originally uploaded by Whazzmaster.

I selected this photo for no reason in particular other than I think it’s cool, and I’m showcasing all the cool Cal pictures I own to make y’all happy clams. It’s from karaoke night at The Mint in San Francisco.

I’m taking this week slow to get ready for my travels and travails this weekend. I’m looking forward to taking in a game at Wrigley, and I think rumors of me peeing all over it have been greatly exaggerated. Instead, I’m going to show Cubs fans how to behave when you visit other peoples’ houses. Namely, I’m going to get drunk and hit on their grandma.

Overall I’ve felt my initial enthusiasm of the new apartment and life draining recently and I definitely need to rejigger and get back on track. I’m still feeling very healthy, but so many consecutive weekends of drinking and drunkeness really impede any final pushes towards health and happiness. I haven’t yet unleashed the diabolical secret weapon, and my money savings have come to the point where I may be able to do it. More on that when I know more.

I’m looking forward to a vacation in the fall once we ship QuickBooks 2007. Many, if not most, of my vacations are really visits to family and friends, which I really enjoy. But I would like to go somewhere really nice and sunny and drink a fruity cocktail with an umbrella. If snorkeling is involved, so much the better. If lots of sleeping, dozing, and napping is involved, sign me up.

— They call me Big L’y, Big Silly\Big Money, Big Billy\When I’m sliding in them all can ya hear me?\I be sexing wit these bars so ya feel me

74 thoughts on “The Foundations

  1. Zach-
    Are you going to be in Chicago this weekend? What are you doing? Have fun at the Cubs game…I went last night. Here are the bad things.
    1) Why do Cubs fans swear Wrigley is the best place in the world? First of all, it was 39 degrees (I think that was the number of degrees Nich Lachey accounted for in his boy band, but I digress) with an 18 MPH wind. Flippin’ Cold! I kept thinking, If I were at Miller Park, I would be warm right now.
    2) My section was all work people. We are owned by Tribune Company, who owns the Cubs (or part of them…something like that.) The seats, you would think, would have been good. Nope. They sucked…and the little TV in front of us was fuzzy, so I couldn’t even watch the game.
    3) Beer. My friend Mapquest tells me that Miller Brewing Company is 89.78 miles from Wrigley. Anheiser-Busch? 304.25 miles. Logically, they would supply us with Miller, right? Nope…I had to drink Bud Light. Maybe I didn’t look in the right place, but I’m sticking with the fact that Miller Products should be more easily accessible.
    Decent Things:
    1) ATM fee- only $2.00
    2) Frozen Chocolate Covered Banana was good. Not as good as the flavored nuts at Miller, but good nonetheless.
    3) Seeing the Cubs win 3-1 in a crowded stadium, knowing that I can at any time drive to a half empty, nicer stadium, pay only $30 for lower-level left-field (some nice alliteration in there, if I do say so myself) & get a Miller Lite delivered to me (and win $20 off of Tim Gehermann on the Sausage Race & occupany game): priceless.
    Thanks for letting me rant, Whazzmaster. I knew you would understand.
    Zach, if you’re going out this weekend, email me or something. We should meet up.

  2. nothing like drunkenly singing karaoque and then seeing it up on the World Wide Internets. At least the internets can’t play sound. AT LEAST! I have nothing to share with you whazzers. When I think of something, I’ll share it. Brewers up 5-1 in the 7th! Maybe on that stage I was singing the american idol send-off song “well you had a bad day/made a bad something/ something something something/blablabla bluuuuu!”

  3. Cal, you have a pronounced jawline and I like it. My head is round like a basketball with no discernable place where my face ends and my neck begins.

  4. oh man, you’re right, i’m old bony face. and on top of that jawface i look like a girl. sigh.

  5. how did you get jac-KAY to come up on stage with you and throw up a peace sign? STANDIN IN A CHOW LINE!

  6. dude it does look like Jackée! actually, i’m good friends with Jackée. I invited her up on stage and she was like: “maaaaaaaaaary” from wikipedia:
    As the show went on, Jackée Harry’s portrayal of man-hungry Sandra became very popular and, for all intents and purposes, displaced Marla Gibbs as the show’s “star.” In 1987, capitalizing on her popularity, Harry decided to just go by “Jackée” (in a move reminiscient of Cher and Madonna), and the publicity stunt (coupled with Jackée becoming the de facto star of the program) offended Miss Gibbs to such a degree that they had a falling-out which lasted several years. However they are on good terms today.

    it’s like me and you madd. I became number one whazzer and go by only “cal” and you felt slighted but we are on good terms today.

  7. i checked out that picture again, and just as easily as cal could be throwing his arms over in a dominant STAY BACK mode, he could also be flailing them left to right while he skipped in place and the camera just got a good shot. who knows. such is cal.

  8. actually, i think that would make for a good exhibit… sets of 3 or 5 people. 2 photos from the same place where everyone in the photo acts in such a way that the new state of everyone is exactlly the opposite of the first state of everyone. the more ways that the groups are now opposites, the better. i like the above two pictures because it can go many layers deep… trivially as many layers for as many base variables it represents, and from there it’s just gravy. don’t worry cal, it’s tofu gravy. i’ll sell prints for $1100 framed. the show is this sunday at 2pm; in your pants.

  9. the best part? as infinately many switches that have now occurred between these two photos, now try and estimate how much time has passed….. the change in lights between the 2 pictures while zachs head remains in line with the exit sign and the blurry lights in pic 1 suggest the camera was moving somewhat rapidly to the right and took pic 2 just as it stopped, seemingly no more than .1 seconds later. the world was a completely differently place by then. thankfully, cal was now in the mood to breed.

  10. Where’d that come from?

    Yo Kristy, I’m not sure if we’re going out at all this weekend. It’s full of wedding festivities of someone who I don’t even know their name, but there’s a rehearsal dinner Fri night and the wedding on Sat night, then I go to the Cubs/Brewers on Sunday and fly home at 8:30p. I’ll give you a shout if we head out somewhere relevant.

  11. yo! i had a dream last night about an exgirlfriend. in the dream i learned my exgirlfriend was now dating mike tyson. i was like oh no, not mike tyson, anybody but mike tyson. i hung out with the two of them and he seemed pretty chill but in the back of my mind i was like oh man, this guy is bad news. yeah, you think?

  12. seriously, i gotta protect my big-ass jaw bone. but no, i was more exasperated by her ridiculous choice. i was like real smarmy about it. i was like: great decision, mike tyson. nice work.lots of eye rolling. boom! eye roll!

  13. found this fun website…. just tons of mugshots with their age and crime. i went through all the females and tried to guess their crimes. almost all of the DUI mugshots have some interesting quark in them. not a quirk, these ladies put off quarks. MADD quarks. buglary and battery are also usually indicators of oncoming funny. the criers and the laughers also mix in well.

  14. i’m dreaming of destrying you both in the dinger league. soon this will be more than a mere dream, dunn and tejada will make sure of that!

  15. Ummm… let’s see. I’m killing you right now despite the fact that 1) Edmonds isn’t hitting 2) Renteria has been on the shelf for over almost two weeks now 3) Shelton’s in a slump 4)Derrick Lee’s on the DL 5) Rolen was out of the lineup this week due to illness. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen once all my guys are playing. Guess we’ll find out next week. Then look out in July. I might humor your trade requests for Lee. Then again I might just piss in your eye. Silly little man.

  16. I’m glad it did; this place has been dead lately. K-Car, I’m gonna smack you around and call you SmellyHeadSusie.

  17. one two one two… one twenty-one two /
    madd and cal on the mic, and we bustin right through /
    the new flows sicker, light it up burn quicker /
    smear it on your lady… she’s beggin you for liquor /
    ask cal… he’s the daddy mack who taught me dat /
    i said “thanks tofu boy”… he said “no problem, you’re fat” /
    OH SNAP, you didn’t know we still tight /
    madd plus cal equals heavenly light.
    HOLLA!

  18. cal plus madd one more to make three /
    moneypenny on the mic is tertiary /
    harder to crush than an igneous rock /
    words to split wigs’ll get you drunker than triple bock /
    i know haters hatin on the Madd Cal Krew /
    the dots in the response makes the shit appear double-true (hate.hate.hate.) /
    i gave up poker, and i’m givin up liquor /
    Big Johnson shirts suck, I wish they’d die quicker.

  19. Moreso than Big Johnson shirts, I wish the “Cheerleading is Life. All the Rest is just Details” shirts would die. I saw a girl wearing one the other day on the train. She looked 33. Even more importantly, the phrase on those shirts isn’t even gramatically correct.
    Hey, Madd…thanks for the shout-out.
    Pennyworth, check your g-mail. I’ll g-mail you my didgets, so if you’re going out or anything you can blow up my celly. If not, I’m coming to Cali mid-July…hopefully going to catch the Brew-Crew in San Fran. I fully expect a night of Krazy-Karaoke.
    Secrest Out- continue the Battle Rap!

  20. we bustin three ways but cal stays quiet /
    madd on the mic, money p in the riot /
    i think cal scurrrrred, why the fuck won’t he try it? /
    99 to 1 we find the answer in his diet. /
    he’s a runnin man. that fool can run. /
    he’s a runnin man. pop the starting gun. /
    he’s a runnin man. he’s a runnin man. /
    CAL!

  21. Hate it when whazzmaster is silent
    makes me want to get violent.
    Cal, you quakin’ in your runnin’ shoes?
    mindin’ all your P’s and Q’s
    too busy or got the blues?
    got Madd posting about one’s and two’s
    think you got better things to do?

    Cause you don’t.

    Word to your mother.

    Boom! bold KTK OUT
    (but not for long)

  22. 9 months pregnant and postin’ raps,/
    I’LL BUST A MOVE AND USE ALL CAPS/
    My rhymes will kill you, you’ll be hearin’ taps/
    Timmer, Rumsey, Lawman, K-Car, Manders and Wirksu/
    You to scared to post a rap? What else you scared to do?/
    Quakin’ in your boots like your friend Cal the bold?/
    You think you’ve got game, but pokers getting old/

    Rhyming bitches.

    Word.

    Uh.

  23. ktk and the rksu, the gang is 5 strong /
    cal still missing. so be his dong. /
    so i’ll pimp it once more, let my cry be heard /
    cal, step up and battle, or i’ll tell rita you’re a nerd
    HOLLA!

  24. oh geez i can’t rap. hollar! ok here’s a rap:

    hey madd where’s your tps report?
    oh yeah you don’t work all you do is
    sleep and look at mug shots taken in the court.
    my knees hurt because i’m always running runningrun
    hey madd skeezer how much you weigh?
    the skeezer weighs a ton.

  25. geez, cal. you crossed the line. we were just joking around. your rap was hateful. tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.tears.

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