Jameson Heals All


CIMG0247
Originally uploaded by Whazzmaster.

Put another way: Happy Memorial Day!

I was feeling a bit down that I had several days of the weekend to look forward to with no plans in sight. Then wwhazz called drunkenly on Friday night to inform me that dinner and UFC were being provided free of charge at his place on Saturday. I fired up southwest.com and booked my flight then and there.

Long story short: we watched UFC and got it in our heads that we should fight. I had wwhazz in a side mount, trying to get a rear mount and I had him almost locked into a choke. He wriggled out and got my ankle. He started to apply the famous Wirkus Anklelock and I was trying to escape when he turned my leg sideways and a loud POP came from my knee.

So I crawled around on the floor and laughed and laughed and laughed. I honestly didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. Luckily medical staff were on hand to help, but I had to ditch my pantaloons so they would diagnose. I think doktor fancyface thought it was a micro-tear of my bugaboo. Not sure, but soon enough I was back to drinking Miller Lites out of a sippy cup. I also passed out for a little bit and they put dog treats all over me; I was being assaulted by Dutty when I came to.

I had ordered bellygirl to buy a bottle of Jameson for Saturday night, but I never drank any so I felt bad. The next day we were watching the Brewer game on the wirkus’ teeny tiny computer monitor and I fixed myself up a good cup o Jameson. It made the painful throbbing in my knee go down at least 13 micronotches.

Lunch included sushi and an odd desert in which ice cream is injected directly into a pound cake, then the whole shebang is tempura-fried. Then that whole shebang is covered in raspberries and strawberries. Delish.

kids: if you’re going to pretend to be ultimate fighters, make sure you stretch first.

44 thoughts on “Jameson Heals All

  1. “I had wwhazz in a side mount, trying to get a rear mount”…?????????????????????????????

  2. good morning whazzland, good morning Hadley!!! It’s me bellygirl. Just got home from work. A hard night especially after a surprise visitor came and drunkoed up the house.. just kidding- had a great time as well, glad i could fanagle the work schedule. ZM- is your knee any better, did you get your sheets washed???

  3. p.s.- one of my patients last night had one of the best mulletts i have ever ever seen in real life. Curly and everything- kind of like Adam Sandler on wedding Singer but looser curls and bigger. He told me I was gorgeous- I then immediately left the room holding in my laughter.

  4. don’t girls just want a man that can make them laugh? i’mmmm in lovvvve with a mulleettttttt… and you know, and you know.

  5. Wow, very racist of you, mystery-guest. Thanks for fucking up my website, as always.

  6. JAMESON! JAMESON 12-YEAR!

    Yo scientist, I made my room reservation today at the fabulous Best Western Hilly Inn or whatever. I’m there Thur-Sun, so I guess I’m shacking up with you on Wednesday night. Maybe I’ll try a rear mount *shrug*.

  7. nice nice. wizsu is also staying here wednesday. as is laugh-o the evil clown. he never sleeps.

  8. great! i would go into the details of the workaround, but suffice it to say that microsoft sucks and that, as they say, is that.

  9. IE does not allow you to float images, so when you look at one of the flickr postings in IE when it was on the right side of the post, you didn’t see anything because when you float: right an img tag IE decides to just not render it. So the workaround is to just not float the damn thing. Thanks IE, you’re fantastic.

  10. Cal is like Ben the cook peeking through the kitchen porthole. Cal! You are allowed to come out! You are not garbed in a large white cooking uniform: you are free. Fly tiny bird, fly.

  11. Also this weekend, whazzmaster got his Dom for winning Suicide Football 2005-2006. Congratulations. Does Graclyn know her daddy once won the Dom? Rumor has it he has already put it in a rear mount… twice.

  12. After reading the stevemisrack.com, I googled my own worst landlord ever, Randy Paul, and wow:

    1. He starred in a porno called Big Tit Hookers
    He posted on some pinko website that featured the Frank Norris “I never truckled” quote.

  13. ktk are you sad? must be tough these first few days after little baby huh. don’t worry if you feel lousy for awhile you’ll feel better soon! ok i’m going back in the kitchen now. xoxo cal

  14. cal, i wanna go to the A’s game in Oakland. tickets are cheap, and it’s against your hometown Twinsies. let’s go and cookout chicken before hand I’LL MARINATEITANDEVERYTHING!

  15. WAIT, KITCHEN?! WHY AREN’T YOU AT WORK? DID YOU GET LAID OFF? ARE YOU FARMING TUBERS IN YOUR BACKYARD TO SUBSIST? LET’S HAVE A TELETHON CALLED CAL-AID FOR CAL.

  16. whoa there hommie, i meant it all metaphorical like ben the cook peering through the kitchen porthole. all you could see was his giant skull in the window. wishing he could come out and hang but NO doogie DALE laid down the law. what do you think you are a bellman? no you are a cook- get back GET BACK! ha. anyway yeah game sounds good i’ll call you about it tonight or tomorrow.

  17. cal, are you sad? the first few days after getting laid off can be tough. especially if you have black toes.

  18. has anyone seen the 28 day slater video series? premise: every february, for 28 entire days, actor mario lopez believes he is ac slater thanks to a chip implanted in his head by brian tardcough or whatever the fuck his long… “bankish” name is. now, of course it’s not the real mario lopez…. so that adds all the more to the ridiculous derivative nature of the show. at the end of episode 3, we delve deep into mario’s psyche and witness the meeting of mario lopez and ac slater in a playground sandbox. what causes this mental breakdown? his roomate at the time busts out showgirls. MAMA?! watch them from the bottom up to follow the story

  19. Scientist: that just may be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in, well, ever. Good show, sir. Nigh han.

  20. Jesus I posted that too soon. I hadn’t yet watched episode 3. Now it IS the all-time greatest piece of entertainment ever. MAMMMAAAAAAAAAA!

  21. see, i wasn’t sure about the reception it would receive… because the first episode i didn’t even watch the whole thing the first time i saw it… i was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? and didn’t think it was funny. the second one i was like… oh… ok… still, didn’t really see it as anything special. then it all came together, the characters gelled, the climax implied itself and the curtain closed. act 1 complete. i’m eagerly enjoying finger treats and aged whiskey just outside the theatre doors. if anyone walked by and asked “hey… you with the aged whiskey, just outside the doors… yes… with the finger treats… you enjoying the show?”, i would set my finger treats down so as to enjoy them later. then i would angerly smack them into something surrounded by red velvet rope. we’re face to face…. “why would you even imply there was a CHANCE i wasn’t enjoying the show. ASSHOLE.” i then laugh and tell him i’m an actor. later he finds out i’m not. but yeah, it’s quality internet junk.

  22. Hi cal. I feel like a million bucks, thanks for asking, though.

    What is this about you being laid off? I hope you get big unemployment checks.

    Here is a funny story about having the post-birth hormone crazies. Brian & I were in the hospital watching some fishing show on the “Outdoor Life Network” while Hadley was getting some tests done. Anyway, on teh show there was this old man whose dog had died, and he decided to scatter his dog’s ashes to the wind. They showed a picture of the dog and the man happy as hell together… and then they started playing some acoustic guitar music, and then I burst into tears and couldn’t stop crying.

    The End.

  23. here is another baby story for you whazzers. This morning after Hadley ate, I put her down and then I went back to bed and fell asleep. She started making lots of dinosaur noises, so I picked her up, took her to my bed and laid her on my chest. We both fell asleep. I dreamed that she was sitting in a pumpkin patch that didn’t have pumpkins, though it had very nice butternut squash. Then I woke up and freaked out that she wasn’t breathing (even though she was) and I picked her up and yelled “HADLEY” and she just kept sleeping… and breathing, of course. And now she is still asleep.

    Now she’s awake. Gotta go.

  24. Hmm, let’s try to correlate this; manders, do you have any fisherman-crying or pumpernickel squash anecdotes? Is the phenomena localized to northern Wisconsin, or to mothers in general? Personally, I’m usually too busy trying to escape the cast of Baby Geniuses in my dreams to puzzle over the types of fruit present.

  25. By the way, lurker, I’ve seen that, it’s kinda funny, but I hadn’t seen it with Ginuwine’s “The Pony (Ride It)” playing in the background. I was hoping for there to be a record-skipping sound at the climax, but I guess my genius is not to be matched.

  26. OMG! Mr & Mrs Bellygirl!!!! Thank you so much for the cute stuff!!! Hadley is so spoiled!!

    xoxoxoxoxo

  27. ktk more on the having of a new baby please, are you never sleeping like everybody says? do you like this new baby? does it look like you? or brian? is it friendly?

  28. I very much like the new baby. In fact, I’m madly in love with her. She looks much more like k-car than me… which is good because she’s definately got the looks of the family. She also makes really wierd dinosaur sounds.

    The sleep deprivation thing is actually not quite so bad anymore…the first few days are rough because you don’t really get to sleep in the hospital… then you come home “behind” on your sleep. But we have a system where he takes the first pm feeding and I take the 2nd so we each get a 5 hour stretch of sleep… plus a couple odd hours here and there.

    She is pretty friendly. No evidence of an evil streak yet, but I suspect that will come around year 13 or 14…

    I will email a cute pic. to mpenny and maybe he will post it so you can see her…

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