3 Dapper Gentlemen
Originally uploaded by Whazzmaster.

Three years is a long time in the Internet Age. It’s long enough for a dude to move into a veritable mansion, make a few hit singles, and then give up his day job to play poker and marry a nice Occupational Therapist from Minnesnowta. Let’s give it up for the madd scientist; that kid’s alright. More than alright.
If there’s two people that have influenced my worldview more than any other, post-divorce, it’s Madd and Wwhazz. I was your typical bling-bling software engineer, always looking for the next big screen TV or all-inclusive resort package in Napa. Scientist was pretty blunged too, after a fashion. Now, however, he eschews flash and style for simple pleasures. The kid likes internet poker and disc golf. He has a dog that looks like an athletic sock stuffed to bursting. I’ve seen him insulted or hated on in ways that would turn my rage-o-meter to 12, but he takes the long view and is a calm, tranquil island of confidence and happiness. That appeals the hell outta me, and I offer nothing but the sincerest hopes that his happiness lasts a long time. For awhile there I wasn’t sure dude was gonna live to see 30, but he’s turned into a stately sage that I know I’ll turn to next time I need an explanation of Alan Greenspan sliding backwards down a Laffer Curve into a black hole. Really makes me wish he still lived here.
You can click through the to the Flickr wedding set to see all the pictures (and there are some awesome ones you’ll want to see) but I thought I’d highlight a few awesome moments during the week.
First up: Most In-Poor-Taste Gambling Moment of the week was when Scientist’s brosef-in-law Kevin broke me off for $48 in disc golf (my first time ever) and then called in my marker at a bar without giving me a chance to win it back. My goal was to turn up the heat on him until he withered and cracked, but instead I just had to cover his bar tab. Ugh.
Second: Scientist’s uncles completely fucked his car during the reception. They got his keys and wrapped the whole thing crossways in plastic wrap, then unrolled a whole thing of duct tape around that, then took out several fuses that made shit start, then unplugged a bunch of wires under the dash, then spray-painted cocks all over it. Wwhazz and I agreed that it was a tiny bit of karma for all the things Scientist has drunkenly stolen, broken, and just generally wrecked over the last 5-10 years.
Third: After the reception closed down and we went back to the hotel, but before we went down to the hotel bar, we dressed up nicely in our tuxedos, put on Wwhazz’s lucha libre mask, and started running around the pool. Yes, we have pictures. Yes, they are awesome.
Fourth: The sleeper sofa in the suite madd rented was factory-new and had a giant nylon strap holding it closed. With no modern-man tools, the gentlemen retreated to the stone age to conquer the beast: a sharp piece of metal and fire. Scientist only allowed the Fire Plan to proceed once he’d filled a bucket with water and stood at the ready. Fire worked, strap burned off, sleeper sofa opened, good night.
Fifth: The night of the rehearsal dinner I challenged Madd to a dance contest at Alleygators and soundly beat him, there’s also some good pictures of that in the set.
Sixth: I ate BW3 twice on this trip. I can’t get enough of that place; if I lived in the midwest I’d weigh a skrillion pounds.
Seventh: LADave is no longer LADave, but since I refuse to call him RacineDave he will continue to be referred to as LADave.
Eighth: “HOLLLARIT” was not said 800 times this trip, but “HOLLLARIT QUINCY” was said 300.
Thanks for the swell weekend, mike & rachel. You guys are A-Plus for throwing that shindig and I wish more of the whazzmaster krew could have been there. I appreciate all the posting that maddddd does around here to perk things up when they slow down, and here’s to praying that now that he’s married he won’t give up wm.com. C’mon mrssssssssssssssss, join in the fun and post nonsense; start with a nautical shanty.
Happy marriage you guys, have a good honeymoon in that hurricane.

50 thoughts on “YOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  1. nice nice nice. wellfully summarized. honeymoon is in bahamas well away from the storm, but our flight down is going to intersect the eye of thing it looks like. hopefully we don’t alter course and fly right over that fucker, cause not much is more awe inspiring to a theoretical economist than witnessing a massive ecological economoy of weather parameters living and literally breathing in front of my window seat to the world. either that or the flight is cancelled, and we miss the cruise.

  2. oh me oh my. i am watching the rock paper scissor championship on A&E. i saw a commercial for this weeks ago and told tivo, YEP! what was i expecting? nothing. it could have been sold like old school WSOP style… it could be taken seriously… it could be a big party…. it could be a rationalization of non-binary war. any of those could entertain me in some way as long as i knew what state of mind to go in with. so i hit play, and instantly i’m punched in the face with awesomeness, “and now your host, dave attel”. nice. he sells out, but it’s all tongue in cheek. this is a very well produced show. very funny, and very understanding of it’s strengths and playing off them with pure manly un-pc sarcasm. i love this show. does it have staying power? who knows, but for now my eyes are glued.

  3. a man in a jedi suit just won his 3rd round match and boldly and matter-of-factly stated, “i am a champ. i knew i was born for something. this is it.” the amount of ridiculousness these people go through to let you know in a roundabout way how seriously they take this is purely stunning. i am entertained to the core.

  4. I’m here… been busy trying to get my head back on. When I got back on Sunday night, we went out for dinner in Little Italy and drinks downtown, and that put me down for the count. Soon I will be able to think and type again. So my thoughts on the wedding will happen later today (we are off to the David Beach).

  5. ummmmmmmmm ha ha ha NOOOOOOOOOO. stop. erase all of that. stop. he hehehehe. knock it off or i’ll snot on you.

    (does it) hehehehe. does it. how about we say… mike don’t seriously. otherwise i’m not going to say anything. hehehehe stop. STOP IT… i’ll post my own comment later.

  6. Wish I had someone to use them with. I’m gonna try to trick Stacy into going to Santa Cruz next week to go to the david beach, but whoops! in Santa Cruz there’s also a 27 hole disc golf course. *glee*

  7. We’re backgammoning our balls off. And I’m even pretty sure we’re playing right. In the morning it’s off to Balboa park for some discus golf. Yeee haw. Funny thing: Belly wants to get her drug test out of the way before we go.

  8. I really like the pics too. My only regrets:
    No Greg photo and no photo of Madd’s car after his uncles got ahold of it. Really, even if you’ve ever had anything busted by the Old Madd Scientist, you woulda felt for the dude…

  9. i liked the pics too, looked like a grand ol time in Plymouth. Once again wish I could have been there. I did have a good time though- Becky (Lawman’s partner for our wedding) switched places with my hubbie and visted from Minnie. A fun time/drunko/lots of san diego sights/TJ time was had by all. There were fish tacos, OB hobos, TJ bartenders pouring tequila down our gullets and shirts, the beach with a drunko sailor labia louge contest, sushi in hillcrest, new gay friends in hillcrest asking us to be in so called music videos, little italy, and la jolla. PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWW, we did a lot. But I was glad to see you all had a fun time and i agree with ktk Racho you looked marvelous and you too Madd Scientist. Have fun in the Bahama Mamas!!!!

    p.s. it’s always fun to see my good friend Stacy having fun with my good friend Zach and company

    pps. i’m glad to be playing backgammon again- i used to play hours of it with my mom and i’m happy to have relearned it.

  10. Roll out the barrel
    We’ll have a barrel of fun
    Roll out the barrel
    We’ve got the blues on the run.
    Zing! Boom! Ta-ra-rel
    Ring out a song of good cheer!
    Now’s the time to roll the barrel
    For the gang’s all here… except Cal.

  11. And that butterballs cal took over first in the Dinger league this weekend. Too much partying in Plymouth, guys. I had to clean house and fire a bunch of them.

  12. congrats on the first bath hadley, here’s to many more, cheers. can’t wait to meet you in a couple of weeks, love aunt bellygirl

  13. Holy hell, I just looked at Parker’s adventures… that dog sure has lots of Mexican waiters pawing at him. Also: lots of upside-down tequila. Also, did some bartendress pick up Maverick Mike? How did you guys make it back alive?

  14. I have a UW-Parkside T-shirt that some student Association was selling. The funny part: they wanted the number 69 on the back but they couldn’t have it. What did they settle on? 68.

  15. wwhazz was totally right about screech living in Milwaukee. what he didn’t know was that poor Dustin Diamond may lose his home unless he sells a million t-shirts in a fundraiser. i can’t believe it is real.

  16. Two items of interest: a.) there was an earthquake this morning at 5:30am and b.) it scared the shit out of me. Bonus c.) I bought a ticket to the O’Rumsey wedding this morning. I have a flight and a hotel now, so I am set. Crossing fingers that Stacy can work out her Friday shift.

  17. 1. Dude should hit the bars with stacks and stacks of those puppies.

    2. Glad you survived “the Big One”. Any chance it got cal?

  18. poor screech- he just wants to live in Port Washington, WI and enjoy his life, i hope enough people buy his shirts.

  19. boy, whazzmaster sure is quiet without the wisdom of maddddd. as for dustin diamond–he never was my favorite but i hate to see a saved by the bell alum in trouble. what happened to tiffany amber thiesen, does anyone know? i mean, slater got caught cheating on his fiance and zach is a big important TV cop now but after 90210 i haven’t seen our fair kelly!

  20. i dunno, but i saw jessi’s boobs in a movie once. I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SOO SCAAAAARED!

  21. I hope Screech has to move into my old pad on Oakland. Don’t live in a house you can’t afford, dick.

  22. Also, we hit 19 holes of Disc Golf yesterday. Pretty cool but a fine example of why I find California un-livable: 1. It cost 2.00$ When the hell have you every paid for it? Sure it is a small fee but still… 2. It was crowded as hell. We had two foursomes and a dynamic duo in front of us so it took hours to run the course. Toss, toss, toss wait wait wait…

  23. It was Jessi Spannow’s boobs that I saw, not our beloved Whazzmaster Jessi. Just a clarification: wwhazz, I never looked at your wife’s boobs.

  24. for one who didn’t see the “im so excited!!!” episode it needed clarification, but not for those of us who have the image of coked up (actually, NO-DOZ for christs sake) jessi etched in our brains we knew what you were saying, MP. glad you got a peek at bellgirl’s boobs too though.

  25. of course he didn’t see my boobs cause i don’t really have any cause i’m really a man baby.

  26. You see that bald fellow conducting the ceremony at Madd’s wedding? He’s Russian. And Madd found him on the internet. You pay him money, and he does your wedding. We had that old priest. We didn’t have to pay him, but we did make a donation to the church. Not my favorite place in the world, but I loved ringing that huge bell. Have any of you ever rung a bell that big? It’s a rush.

    Our priest wore a tiny microphone clipped to his robes and did all the prayers and spells, but the Russian used a handheld microphone and executed a Fast and Furious: Plymouth, Minnesota Drifts ceremony. During Rach-o’s part of the vows, the Russian held the microphone like a news reporter, but during Madd’s (because the Russian was short and Madd is tall) he handed him the Mic, and I was like, “Oh Shit!”

    Would we get some rapping? Perhaps a song addressing all the haters? A WWE-style exclamation of greatness? The Old School show? History tells us that history’s gonna happen if he gets his hands on a mic.

    But no. He did it right and did a good job. The Madd Scientist is both a genius and a mad man when it comes to social mores.

    With that said, the whazzmaster crew has been running amuck during the last six months: Unions, separations and childbirth abound. We got card carrying members in both Africa and South America. If they want to report on their comings and goings, I’d enjoy reading about it. You parents have any non-gross experiences to share? Cal, what the shit are you up to? Any truth to the rumors you select the members of your fantasy baseball team based on who you think is cutest? What is up? What is up?

    Looking forward to the O’Rumsey Affair. Is Ewaz gonna be there? Cal? I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of them North Woods.

  27. I’m smiling my biggest smile ever caught on film in that picture of me and Boudroux at BW3 the night before Madd’s wedding. That smile is lighting up the room.

  28. Oh man. Dan’s poker buddy is getting a little too affectionate with Roseanne. I’m gonna watch this, play a 20$ sng and drink a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

  29. Roseanne Update. They just discussed the positive affects marriage has on boat ownership. Nice extension on that metaphor.

  30. Hey pal, how’s it gopping? HOLLLARIT! I’m funna jump on betonbet. Seeya in the funniest papers.

  31. I guess madddd drives all the comment traffic here on wm.com. I’m glad I have a rakeback system with him so’s he’ll keep describing his poker escapades.

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