I’M ONLINE

The game last night was a good old-fashioned nut-stomping by the Crew. After 2 1/2 hours of working on it this morning, the cable guy and myself got the cable modem working. Jesus my apartment has old, shitty wiring. So now i go into the office for a little while, and then try to ekscape out the back to go meet GMC and bliggity-blaine and do the “Go Brewers” thing again. I guess this time they’ll have beer pong in the parking lot. More to come.

zoom zooom zooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooom!

35 thoughts on “I’M ONLINE

  1. Yikes. We had to leave at 3:30 am yesterday to make it in time for the Price is Right. We didn’t win sheet, but I’ll give a full book report on the field trip in the morning.

  2. “price is right: the book” would suck. i like the flashing lights… YOU’RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT! FABULOUS PRIZES! SHOWCASE SHOWDOWNS! books can’t flash, well except flip books i guess, but it’s not real light, it’s just animated light beams and shadowing… dang, but now the thought of “price is right: the flip book” has dollar signs in my eyes. hustle baby. hustle.

  3. wow… think about the world today… where we would be…. if you made ONE. SINGLE. CHANGE. in all of history. that change? instead of bidding with the fear of going OVER…. switch it up… now you are pressured with the fear of going UNDER. how when people are thinking “wow, how much DOES that cost”… well now people are having to bid MORE, so thus the prices will EVOLVE higher as the expectations EVOLVE higher. not with our buddy price is right… it has always been DONT GO OVER… NOT TOO MUCH…. KEEP IT SMALL… BID ONE DOLLAR, WHO THE FUCK KNOWS, MAYBE YOU’LL GET IT! anyways, given that so many people watch it and relate to it, do you think that would change anything? i certainly think it would. perhaps before price is right, society did think like the society that grew up on the new rules of price is right would have… but the standard rules were what made us what we are today. …. *tears*…. why, BOB BARKER. Wymussenteye bid over? WYMUSSENTEYE?!?!?!?!?!?! oh snap, but your girlies are still fine. HOLLLLLLLARIT

  4. i think the “without bidding UNDER” rule makes the game much more interesting. perhaps to freshen up it’s image they should make this switch when they stop the robot inside of bob barker from decieving people into believing he’s still alive. i seriously think it would change everything. wait. people don’t like change. keep on truckin’ robot.

  5. also, the newest in new internet poker cursing: calling someone “MOTRON” or “A MOTRON”. it’s hilarious, you fucking motron.

  6. whazzmaster.com poll:

    when the bob barker robot finally breaks down for good, who will be the new replacement?

    cast your vote now, folks.

  7. Luke: saw that yesterday. How I’d love to move from the earthquakin’, wild-firin’, hobo-overrun, tsunami-vulnerable, North-Korean-nuclear-target bay area back to Overrun-By-Squirrels Wisconsin.

  8. Pictures are up from the last two days of brewers’ games. Some dude at the tailgate with us beer bonged a jar of pickle juice for $15. I heard later on he got tossed from the game in the 1st inning for picking fights with Brewers fans.

  9. has anyone seen “Deal or No Deal” with Howie Mandel? I watched it on the plane today. About 100x stupider than the price is right. No skill involved, my 2 year old flower girl could do it.

  10. Last weekend we made a road trip to Phoenix for the Brewers/D-back game. Too bad I don’t own a scorebook. We’d have quite a collection. Floppy brown sigh…

    The drive was short, but literally hellish. The outside temperature gauge on our car reached 117 degrees. The windows and floorboards were hot like an oven and I was terrified of dying if our car broke down.

    We stayed in Chandler with Jessi’s Uncle and here is what I learned about Arizona:

    1. There are like 3 serial killers running lose. And while we where there they had the most incredible car chase I’ve ever seen. A dude jacked a full-size RV with a pick up truck hooked to the back and made a mad dash that ended with the RV exploding. Ho. Lee. Shit.
    2. Alice Cooper is the patron saint of Arizona. He does public service announcements for the DOT, runs a celebrity golf tournament, and he runs a charity haunted house. He also owns a bitching sports bar by the stadium where all the girls (even the non-punk ones) have to wear face paint. On the menu he had two new condiments that I’ve never heard of (avocado ranch and maple garlic wing sauce). They were out of the avo-ranch cuz of a dispute with a vendor and the maple garlic was only ok, but I respect that he’s pushing the boundaries.
    3. Reg is there. Yes, I saw him at the game and he’s lost about 300 pounds. He’s not skinny, but he is down to say Ben the cook-size. I saw him when we were in line for tickets, said hi and then bought my tickets. When I turned around, he was gone. You know this means that there is a very real chance that the good doctor and Reg have been in the same bar at the same time?
    The stadium is almost identical to Miller Park, but that does not surprise me as they were built at the same time and I can’t imagine there are too many cats in the stadium with retractable roof game. Booze is big and by comparison cheap (24 oz for 9.50) and the vendors all look like meth-heads dragged in from the desert. They are all skeleton skinny old men with beards. Crew took a beat down putting them at 1-4 at games I’ve attended this year.

  11. Price is Right recap.

    We left Dago at 3:30 am. Rolled into LA a little before six. Many crazies had been there all night and at 6:00 we were the 235th people in line. They exchanged our tickets for a number and we were free until 8:00. We spent the time eating donuts and drinking coffee. At 8:00 they let us back in and set us on rows of metal benches in numerical order. Our last number, 235, was the last number they let in… incredible timing and the rest of the people (a couple hundo) had to get in a different stand by line. Here we sat until noon.

    There must have been a lunch lady convention in town because there were three contingents of lunch ladies. There were a lot of Price is Right home made shirts. A lot of college kids. The area you wait is simply a metal bench under an awning. There’s a bathroom, some vending machines and a little snack stand. If you leave, you can’t come back.

    At noon you go though a metal detector and they move you to a different set of benches. You also go though a 5 second interview with a gay man in a Hawaiian shirt who pretends to be Bob Barker. I told him I was a homemaker from Milwaukee. After that you sit until 2:30. The cool thing about these benches is they are by the parking lot so when Chrissy from The Young and the Restless rolls up in her Passat, the crowd goes bonkers. Overall, the people around us were excited as hell. Each and everyone of them was sure they are going to be called to “come on down”.

    At 2:30. 11 hours after this venture started, we are led on to the set. Pink’s “I’m Coming Out (so you better get this party started) is blasting. She can rest assured that the party is indeed starting.

    The announcer comes out and welcomes us. He’s big into yelling “ you all having a good time?” but underneath it all, I can tell he is an incredible asshole who no doubt thinks he’s a big shot and abuses valets and wait staff.

    The set is really, really small. It only seats around 300 and the stage is about as big as the stage for a high school play. The set movers do an incredible job of moving the different sets around and the wild, sweeping shots of the crowd create the illusion of size. All the cameramen are old dudes with gray beards or walrus mustaches. They all dress like slobs and look like they hate the universe.

    To start out, they ask if anyone wants to come up on stage to help warm up the crowd with a dance. About 100 people raise their hands and they pick 10. You know this is not for fun and it’s part of the audition. After that the show starts.

    Bob comes out. The crowd goes bat shit. Four are called down and it’s on.

    Now lets look at this for a moment. If you’re playing poker and someone hits a “one outer” it’s deemed a miracle, but really these are about the same chances (if it were random) of getting picked for the show, yet most everyone here is sure they are getting picked. But it’s not random. 9 or 10 make it too contestants row and they all come from a different herd. There is a herd of lunch ladies. You know one of them is getting picked. There is a herd of 18 yr old kids dressed in identical yellow shirts. One of them gets it. There are a few packs of college kids in matching gear and collectively they make a herd. The folks in Price is Right gear and homemade shirts make a herd. The random senior citizens make up a herd. The rest of us are fodder and our only chance is to get up is if we were picked to dance and they liked it.

    The first picked is a college girl in the classic plain college shirt emblazoned with U Wash. She is the look jessi went for so right away I know we are doomed. The rest of the first batch are folks in homemade shit. The college girl is named Skylar and she wins three cars. People clap, but there are slight grumbles of jealousy.

    In between games Bob fields questions. People ask shit like “ever been to Wisconsin” (he has; hosted a game show at State Fair), how is your health (good but a tendon in his foot is fucked). Behind us is a group of punks from New York. One of them asked if Skylar is single and Bob didn’t answer and was visibly pissed. During one of the games (that one where you punch out little cubbies that hold different amounts of money) Bob told the lady to really punch it. Someone yelled for her to use her elbow and one of the guys behind me told her to put it in an ankle lock. Later Bob brought out a dog that was up for adoption and during the question time a lady asked if she could hug it after the show. She was a big, scary looking lunch lady and Bob told her that the dog was gone but she could hug the guy who asked if Skylar was single and she did. Do not cross Bob Barker.

    After the show the heartbreak was palatable. These poor people. Why do people hitch their dreams to such unlikely dreams? Many felt a sense of being “owed” something. The dude next to me let his price tag name tag flutter to the ground with a “thanks for nothing, Bob.”

    We had to fight rush hour traffic on the way home and the 2-hour drive took about 5 hours. We got home around 9:00.

    Overall, a long day. I’ve never been a fan of the show nor do I harbor the desire to be on TV. But it was interesting. I won’t go as far as to call it fun, but it was an experience and I’m trying to be less grumpy and take more of a Madd-approach to life where I value this instead of wasting all my energy hating it. I’ll now answer any questions.

  12. Interesting that you made the “dance = audition” connection right away; I would have just thought they wanted to amuse the hoi polloi with dancing. With my dancing skills, do you think I would have made it up there?

  13. madd we exited off the freeway on crenshaw blvd and I wrote with lipstick on the side walk HOLLLARIT.

  14. MP, flickr is “having a massage.” really, that is what it says when you try to upload any photos. some sort of digi issues. could i pretty pretty please get you to make a disk of wedding pix?

  15. Whenever a member of the audience is brought before the audience I start by questing if they are a plant and work it out from there. Here with the herds they just pick the most gregarious yellow shit or lunch lady. With the randos they need to make sure they have someone who will not freeze up on stage. If all of whazzmater dressed in bright orange “Bob Barker is hung like a horse” t-shirts, I’d say whazzmaster, belly or madd would get the call.

  16. you have to play the process against itself… not yourself… not the producers… not the gay interviewer… play the process. “maddddddd, you don’t know shit”… oh really… then ask rach-o why me and here did a huge stage performance at universal studios or some shit, because i stacked all the variables so high we couldn’t not get picked. they set me up so that at the height of our titanic sceene, as i swatted away attacking pigeons and proclaimed my love, rach-o pulled out the jerry mcguire standby “SHOW ME THE MONEY!”. hahaha, jokes on me you fuckers. i didn’t know she was going to say that, BUT SHE DID! if you really did write HOLLLARIT in crenshaw, that is awesome.

  17. the second you acknowledge you are on a metal bench under an awning, and you can’t move, you have already lost. they are looking for people that can be themselves through anything and not let the process get them down. pretty BS tactics bob…

  18. I have a story, and I’m inspired by your price is right odyssey, so here it is. In the newspaper today there was an article about a website that has become popular. It’s a live camera focused on an eagles nest. Apparently the eagles have baby eagles too:

    Tens of thousands of Internet viewers watched as the first eaglet — known as Big — hatched April 10. Within days, two more chicks followed. Goodale and state and federal scientists were thrilled, too: Eagle triplets are rare in Maine, and this was a chance to observe them closely.

    So Goodale and the scientists were thrilled and apparently the mom and dad eagles bring the babies things to eat like crab, and fish, and one time a rabbit.

    Life in the eagle family was idyllic at first. Mom sheltered her youngsters from brutal spring rains. Dad fetched nourishing meals. Then the “Eaglecam” — which is unedited — captured a drama that shocked many viewers. “I hoped what I had seen was erroneous,” one anonymous blogger wrote after the largest chick pecked the smallest to death. The big and middle babies then ate their deceased sibling.

    How you like that? Those are some cold eaglets huh! Here’s the site of those two mean eaglets if you want to watch them:

    http://www.briloon.org/ed/eagle/index.htm

  19. uh…… that shit is extremely common in predatory birds. in fact if i remember right, most owls have 2 babies and quite often the bigger chick eats the smaller one. fools need to watch wild america more often. marty stouffer so tite that buttons be poppin. HOLLLARIT!

  20. I know that getting on the game is a game. I just didn’t want to play it, but I did coach my wife as best I could. I dressed her in black pants a tight gray t-shirt with WISCONSIN across the chest. I had her smile a lot (she does this anyway) and told her to keep eye contact during the interview.

  21. you know how in that dave chap movie the BO-DE-GA owners made him show his black ass? well, they make me say HOLLLLLLLLARIT! i am not joking. this just happened. sorry i insulted your personal hero…. but that dude was so flashy and gay, that flashy gay dudes would just QUIT. back to shorts and tshirts and vagina. rod roddy WINS. they just GAVE UP. that is how powerfully gay and flashy that coked up freak was. he had a way of making car like an 8 syllable word and somehow had 2 Q’s in it. i can’t believe no one even brought up cal. if every person that ever posted on whazzmaster EVER went to price is right, and we effectively herded, i could guarnatee cal got on the show. it would require timing and massive unspoken communication, but i guarantee we could make it happen. too bad cal doesn’t know how to count, and thusly is worthless at bidding. the parting gifts are a joke too… you ever see the end of the show… “contestants not appearing on stage get BUSH’S BEANS! remember, this bean recipe is secret, only that mutt knows…. $1.39 a can! BUSH’S BAKED BEANS!!! MMMMMMMMMMM. back to you bob.

  22. An Asian homeboy got on and won a bottle in a ship. You know he’s gonna spend many a stoned night Hollariting at that som bitch. The other prize he didn’t win was a player piano. You know they’re fucking with him. White girl gets 3 cars. Homie gets a bottle in a ship.

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