Slumberslam 2006

For the first time in my young adult life I left the warm embrace of the United States of America. I left it to go to Tijuana, and for what? Luch libre wrestling masks. Some may ask about the wisdom of the trade, but not those who long ago turned for tequila at mere pennies on the dollar. You, my friends, you turned for far less than 30 pieces of silver. You did it for a glimpse at what Alejandro told you was “the best pussy in tee-jay.” It was fun enough, until I realized I had been trapped by “dos para uno” and it was growing dark. I then strolled back across the border with a bag of 14 lucha masks and an upset tummy. What was I greeted with on the train ride? A retarded man threw a Mounds bar at me and then expected me to give him $1 in return. First of all, I fucking hate Mounds bars. Need I remind you: Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds DON’T. Instead, Mounds have coconut out the ass. Gross.

It was good to see Steven E. again. Aw shucks, when isn’t it good to see that kid. On Saturday night we had a rousing game of Lucha Poker until I passed out on the table, snoring blissfully away on clouds made out of tequila and the best pussy in tijuana. Somewhere in there I must have smoked my cigar cuz I woke up in the morning tasting like ungodly hell.

Sunday wwhazz, maddddddddddddddddd, and I had an adventure down at Ocean Beach (motto: Our Weed Dealers Have No Shame) where we looked in tide pools and tried to catch crabs, lobsters, and zebra mussels. Also, for the record I had a delicious (read: “bangin'”) breakfast burrito. We got home in time for SummerSlam and I’m not gonna lie to you whazzmaster: it blew goats. I hadn’t watched wrestling for a long, long time and now I’m perfectly fucking glad. Vince can join the Kiss My Ass club if he thinks he’s getting my money again any time soon. Ring of Honor, baby, Ring. Of. Honor. The good thing was that the shitty PPV was over at 8pm West Coast~! time so we dressed up in our Sunday Finest lucha masks and hit the pool. No, not the small pool, the big one. We weren’t allowed in the hot tub cuz the cool kids called us emo and told us to go sit in the non-hot tub pool. We told them we didn’t want their dumb hot tub anyways, then bellygirl tried to break my trachea. She almost succeeded if not for my “go limp and pretend to drown” strategy. Then she took my lucha mask off and whipped it into the darkness. Oh yeah, belly? Stacy sez you try that agin and she breaks your knee — FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK.

Sorry I couldn’t stay up too late, guys. Keep in mind that I was expected to return to San Jose and program computers all day, and I can’t do that with a massive hangover. Free sushi lunch was good, though. Tomorrow I should be back in command with some pep in my step. Lookin’ forward to the September trip home to Madison (boom! APARTMENT HUNTING COMMENCE!) and holyshitijustrealizedKVRsgonnabethere! Nice. Nice.

Thanks again for the great weekend you San Dog Krew. HOLLLARIT! HULLABIT? HOLLLARIT!

29 thoughts on “Slumberslam 2006

  1. i thought the PPV was good… except the big show… that dude needs a new gimmic, and NOT something dumb like booker T’s retardedly oafy yet effective body guard. perhaps a street wise thug infringing on john cena’s territory since his recent HUMILIATING loss, and perceived weakness to come along with it. BIG SHOW! NOW IS YOUR CHANCE! PUT ON SOME TONED-DOWN E-40 GEAR AND A CHAIN, AND BEAT CENA AT HIS OWN GAME! and at the end of every match he wins, he reminds the audience “YOU’RE NOT *MY* KING, BOOKER T”! and speaking for the millions oppressed throughout the world, the big show… the guy that saw an opportunity to take out a weak fixture, exploit it, aim for the king and WON THE THRONE! actually big show is a horrible rapper, a worse actor, a boring wrestler and borderline harsh on the eyes. just have the undertaker kill him in hell or something.

  2. zmoney sorry about your trachea- I of all people should know not to poke holes in someone’s. It’s just that I was really wound up from the wrassling PPV. I personally thought it to be pretty good. This is coming from someone who normally just watches to be nice to her husband. I liked the blood bath between McFoley and Ric Flair, I liked the Hulk, even though I wish he owuld have lossed. And of courae I am a big John Cena fan- even though he lost. All in all I had a great time and no worries about needing to go to bed early for work- I was just being the little kid that kept wanting to play and play. Thanks for coming over to play with my husband, he had lots of fun.

  3. HOLLLARIT back to you gentleman. I’ll get those photos loaded up asap- we’re on our way to Little Italy in search of sushi or ? for dinner. Our budget- Wwhazz’s 50 dollar cash out from party poker- we’ll see what happens..

  4. after i play 1000 raked hands or whatever…. THEN. then sushi. or maybe just gyros…. i certainly like a good gyro.

  5. As great as Be A Man is, I gotta go with Perfect Friend. BE A MAN HULK. Is that DMX and Nelly and a D12 Beat? Or cleaver rip offs. HELP!

  6. another poker tool. scroll knob with customizable action on press down. so here is what you do, program the whell to be your mouse scrollbar, then program the pushing of the whell to be alt tab to switch between windows, then you have that 3 piece things for raise, call, fold. then it works for limit or no limit, and multiple screens. then you can have fun and program animations to happen on the buttons when you press them, like when you press bet, it explodes like firewords and some chips spin, then it makes a madd BETS! sound or whatever. once enough of these interface tools are common place, the computer GUI will change forever. it makes stuff so much easier. i should go into business pushing this revolution. also spotbots.

  7. story line is so obviously… macho man comes back, and of course vince throws the big show at him…. why, because macho the rapper man savage is the old new old john cena, which logically as i stated above should go to big show. also big show is big and in vince’s mind is still unstopable even though he has lost 123509 times. so macho man HURTS big show, and calls out cena, and BOOM. macho man is back in the mix CLEAN. the truly interesting thing, is can he make more slangin CD’s on myspace than wrestling in the WWE.

  8. lots o fun last night, i’ll let wwhazz tell you all about it. pennymoney pics are shared on kadak gallery- if you want them a different way let me know. ok bellygirl out- pool time.

  9. Sushi or ? for dinner turned out to be ! for dinner. We walked past some bar that had a free redneck buffet and BOOM: dinner was served. Mini corndogs, tots, pulled pork, corn on the cob, twinkies, beans, slaw. Then we hit some other bar that had .99 cent fish tacos and open mic. One hell of a combo. You can really ball on a budget down in PB.

  10. hahahaha, BG, remember when i punked you out and turned off the sprinklers with my mind? SERVED!

  11. I remember something else from that evening, which didn’t seem odd at the time but now is ridiculous (perhapsd even rediculous, or bluediculous). Modesty prevents me from going into detail.

  12. HOLYSHIT! You’re moving back to Wisco? Awesome. Always love a reason to go to Madison, and we usually ahve to stay with someone’s stoner friends. Blech.

    Guess which East African country offered me a job after graduation?

  13. J, you got offered a job IN a country or FOR a country…. i’m reading that as FOR a country, and from what i gather your work is revolved around US law. i can’t even imagine what the job would be, so i can’t even move on to logical guess making, so i’ll try the old dice luck….. is it…………. rwanda?

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