Laboring Day

I had to work today… I told them I would be there with bells on but in truth I was not that excited. In fact, I was so not excited about about working on labor day that I fled Nor*Cal for the sweet, sweet confines of San Diego starring Parker P and his owner, WWHAZZ. With bellygirlx making mischief in Wisconsin with my dear sweet Stacy (who really, really needs a whazzmaster name: I thereby christen her spacebee) it was sure to be a good time. In fact, said time was revised to REALLY GOOD status by Saturday afternoon.

It wasn’t until we were puttering around with Parker on a walk Saturday that we realized that our dearest alma mater: Wisconsin, would be playing a game of foots’n’balls against accursed Bowling Green University. We learned it was a night game a plan was set in motion that would culminate in

  1. A sneak attack, though not on us.
  2. Both of us getting real drunk.
  3. Wwhazz telling my fortune like a gypsy and then being right.

So there’s this bar in San Diego called Aussie’s. It’s an australian bar, except when it’s not. “When it’s not” is any time there is a Wisconsin or Green Bay football game, apparently. A sea of red greeted our arrival and upon entering Wwhazz said, “You’ll probably meet someone you know here.” “Rediculous!” I shouted, “You’re the only person I know within a hundred miles!” I was wrong, you see. A hundred beers later and in the third quarter I spotted an Intuit recruiting pal who lives in San Diego. I called him over and we talked shop: Madison, and how cool it is that I’m moving back there.

As wwhazz and I strolled down an alley, smoking seegars and talking shop (relationships) we caught a glimpse of a fight developing like a storm on the horizon. As we got about a half a block away we slowed to watch the cumulonimbii take shape. A shirtless gent was having a verbal tiff with three guys who jumped out of a nearby truck. Words were exchanged and it looked like it was going to be a bust all around as the shirtless guy retreated down the middle of the street as cars zoomed around him on either side. Once he got a couple dozen yards away he started screaming, “Sneak attack, motherfucker! Sneak attack!” Before wwhazz and I could puzzle it out a Japanese car zoomed up to the curb, two guys jumped out, and it was on like shawron. No shit talking (“you wanna fuck with me motherfucker?”), and noedging back and forth. Sneak Attack just up and started kicking the shit out of the three original guys. One got a scoop slam while another tried the UFC knees-to-the-head. We heard some bangs and crashes as one of the Sneak Attackers busted the rear headlights and dented up the nearby truck. As quickly as they Snuck, the Attackers disappeared into the night: the two guys in the car and the shirtless gent strolling down the street hollering at the Beaten Three that they were bitches while holding his ladyfriend’s hand. Now some other bystanders started jeering at the three and instead of getting the fuck out of there in their broke dick truck they tried to pick fights with the bystanders. Five seconds later two cop cars zoomed up and they were cuffed on the hood. So, let’s sum up the story: the Beaten Three were Sneak Attacked, beaten, then laughed at, and then cuffed while their busted truck sat forlornly in the parking lot, presumably wishing it hadn’t been purchased by losers. Wwhazz did a good Brent Mussberger throughout the fight, calling out the arrival of the cops moments before they zoomed up.

We also got real drunk. Real drunk.

32 thoughts on “Laboring Day

  1. Yeah, whazzmaster was a really cool babysitter. He let me stay up late and watch scary movies like Seed of Chucky. Way cool!

    Friday he rolled in late. I whipped up a turkey dinner and we had whazzgiving at 12:00 am. After that we put in a wrestling DVD, tucked our girldicks behind our sacks and in a move that would have enraged belly, passed out by 2:00.

    Saturday we started the day with superfoods stew (blueberries, soy milk, walnuts and nutty nuggets), coffee, the paper and some cards. We were about to play a PL 5 cards draw multi, but then we remembered the Badger game and kicked it over to the Aussie.

    The game was cool. We met whazzmaster’s pal (and that dude had met ewhazz) and we met a cool rugby guy. Then we sat in the gutter, talked about love and saw that fight. After that we hit an odd hybrid, a reggae/sushi bar. It was actually really good.

    After that, we hit Mission beach, which is this drunken carnival place where they do shit like host TRL, and we saw some little kid, like 7, wild out until his pa, step dad, or mom’s boyfriend grabbed him by the neck and whipped him in the truck. When he did this all the kid’s booty (a plastic sword, a toy gun and toy handcuffs) fell in the street. While some bystanders yelled at the dad for child abuse, we scooped up the sword and ran off with it. Then we played some drunken air hockey. Later, we went back for the cuffs, but they were gone… I still have that sword.

    Sunday we had fish tacos for breakfast and then we dicked around by the tide pools,
    tormenting little crabs and sea urchins. We also saw some cool hobo camps. Then whazzmaster flew back to work.

  2. Also…

    Survivor football:

    Yahoo Fantasy Sports
    ID #: 14684
    Password: bonerpills

    KTK and Kcar
    oneils
    the good doc
    the fuddruckers
    timmer
    timmah
    stiffly
    and lurkers

  3. Survivor Football for a bottle of Dom… Free to play… FREE… YES! A free shitty bottle of chalk tasting Dom, just like them rappers used to drink. Word to YOUR mother… ya heard !?! *&%#$@*&@.

  4. Sceizzer, re: the movie you posted. HO-LEE-FUCK. I thought I was watching a real life horror movie. The creepy circus music playing while skeletor cackles while the big ones screams for its very life. Oh. Jesus. I think I’m gonna have nightmares about that.

  5. wow…. it’s even funnier the second time you watch…. JANICE I’M FALLING. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS. THIS HURTS.HAHAHAHAHAHAHSLDHFALSKDFHLKSHLKHALKHSDFLAKHSDFLKHASHDFASHLFSD A SOY MILK.

  6. i think i saw my name on the goodyear blimp today…. even though i got 7th in the PLO8 20 that only pays 5 and i was chip leader with 7 left 2:1. even though i got 25th in the turbo rebuy when top 20 paid and i was chip leader with 30 left………. still. i didn’t even have to use my ak.

  7. No new survivor footballers… Come on gang. It’s simple. Go to yahoo. Go to fantasy sports. Pick survivor football. Choose join a private league. Use this info: ID #: 14684
    Password: bonerpills. Pick a winner. Win a bottle of dom. Les go gog ogogogogogogoogogogogo.

    So far it’s me, whazz, madd, steven, cla and klemm. A cool krew, but we need more.

  8. i however understand your unwillingness to match wits with me and go down hard than you have ever conceived that anything could ever collide with anything else as hard as this but it is totally happening right in front of everyone on yahoo……. i mean… i get… fear is a valid reason for not signing up you fucking pussies. i OWN you.

  9. wow. i just ANOTHER 11th, top 10 pay big stack on bubble… wow. thats like 6 out of last 12 tourneys. )@#*5@)#^%(*@#&609@#&56@#6

  10. YO YO YO, money P, before you slang off the whazz machine, could i get those speakers back out of it? HOLLLLLLLLLLLARIT

  11. i know… but they were $50 each, and rach-o wants “surround sound”, and i’m unemployed. you could probably get a couple tiny speakers that would fit and work at radio shack for super cheapo. send me the bill. it better not be over $100.

  12. FYI…

    Ship From / To:
    Madison, 53789, U.S.A. > Mountain view, 94043, U.S.A.

    Package information: 1 package 2.0 lbs

    FedEx First Overnight® $71.08
    FedEx Priority Overnight® $41.83
    FedEx Standard Overnight® $36.74
    FedEx FedEx 2Day® $17.08
    FedEx Express Saver® $13.05
    FedEx FedEx Ground® $5.24

  13. Scientist, for all your supposed intelligence you are dumb: you asked for speakers, I said sure thing, then you argued why I shoudl do it. You’ll get your speakers homey, in due time. Meet me in Des Moines on my way back from Cali and I’ll hand them to your in a briefcase. When you get home and open the briefcase, though, it will contain SNAKESSNAKEESSNAKESNAKESomygodohmygod whadowedo?!

  14. Madddddd: get you football pick in now. You have til midnight. Chop, chop.

    whazzmaster, could you could give fudd and family a call to remind them? I’d like them to play.

    I’m calling the k-cars, but they aint answering.

  15. yeah i know, but dismembering a whazz machine seems somewhat sac-relig especially on WHAZZmaster.com. i feel bad, but the other 3 in my closet miss their homies and heard a rumor they might be donated to cambodia. they cried. i’ll get my pick in right now. DOM = MINE.

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