Calling All Whazzers

Wwhazz (a writer) and Moneypenny (a wanker) have an announcement for the Hordes who have heretofore ignored our pleas:

Wwhazz: Survivor Football, formerly known as suicide football, is fun, easy and free to play. Each week, you pick a football team. If your team loses, you are done. If your team wins, you pick again the next week, but you may only select each team once. In the event that the last active members are all eliminated together in the same week, all are declared winners (in the eyes of yahoo) but not to me, so we will cross that bridge if we need to. You must have your pick in before the kickoff of the week’s first game, so pay attention for sneaky Thursday night and Saturday games. This isn’t like madd’s jank webpage where we could change shit, so have your picks in on time or you are fucked. A word of warning: I guarantee that at least one person will be eliminated because of late picks. To be sure of this, I’m asking whazzmaster to sign up his brother and I am also contacting Ewhazz.

Moneypenny: If you don’t sign up for Suicide Football, I’ll kick you in the nuts.

Wwhazz: So why bother? Because you can win a free bottle of Dom Perignon, that’s why.

Moneypenny: Some people have spread the rumor that I hate Dom. Those are vicious lies and I curse anyone who spreads them. It tastes like chalk but a good chalk. A delicious chalk bred of the finest spring water and Mrs. Rumstead’s erasers. Spacebee and I drank Dom out of solo cups and whiled away the hours watching Super Troopers. You can drink your Dom wherever, however you want. Dribble it down your chin or give yourself a chalk enema. Pour it over your head while singing a militaristic song about a dog that HOLLLARsIT. Or you can use it to jumpstart your nascent rap career (see below).

Wwhazz: Why Dom? Because our champagne drinking habits and our treatment of women are both deeply informed by rap music and Cris is just too damned expensive.

Moneypenny: (see above)

Wwhazz: This is our third year going and I think it’s going to be our best. If you are a poster, lurker or an old pal from the Hojo or Connie, I encourage you to sign up. Don’t worry if you missed the first game because we are starting with week two. Past champions include Fuddruckus and Whazzmaster himself, so hopefully we can get them to post their first person accounts of drinking their chalky, overpriced booze.

Moneypenny (aka Whazzmaster): Ah, my beautiful chalk. Luckily I was given it and transported it from So*Cal before the legendary Ban on All Liquids (1/3 the STATES of Matter (The STATES of Matter would be a good name for a band). So, uh, as I mentioned before, spacebee and I drank that one down good. I hear Judd wined and/or dined Manders with or I could just be makikng that up. You’ll never know.

Wwhazz: To sign up click here:

Use this info:

ID #: 14684
Password: bonerpills

Good luck,


Moneypenny: What he said. And now for some PICTURES!

Me (whazzmaster (moneypenny) ) with my hard-earned chalk-water.

Two Champeens
Two Former Champions (And Dom)

The Good Doctor and a Suck*It
The Good Doctor, Whazzmaster, and a Suck*It

GMC inna Sombrero
GMC Inna Sombrero, Among Other Things

Holy Shit, It's Danny Simons
EVERYONE who’s EVERYONE drinks Dom

Fake Dom
Whazzmaster was presented with another, faker Dom by Ewaz

…and finally a bonus picture…

Super Moneypenny Bros.
Look at those guys dance; America sure has Got Talent alright.

35 thoughts on “Calling All Whazzers

  1. dude, i logged in, tried to pick and shit didn’t work. said i didn’t own that pick set or some shit. horrible coding. can’t even imagine how i could follow a link on my user page to my pick set, make the pick, and have it error out on me. my version was exactly the same MINUS the jank, but PLUS a small delay on getting the scores in. i think mine was better. anyways i got rach-o signed up too but the shit didn’t work for her either. we’ll try again tomorrow. if you have some admin control… kick me and rachel out and delete our picks and we’ll start from scratch just in case it’s not recoverable from where we are. i’ve caught rach-o lurking like 3 times in the last couple weeks, so i know she reads this… hilarious she never posts i guess. ultimate lurker, called out in the shadows, and she just keeps-on-lurkin-on. baby…. HOLLLLLLLLLARIT. i dare you.

  2. i will put up a 2nd bottle of dom to the head coach of the nfl team that beats rachels pick to finally knocker her off. winning coach must pick up bottle in person from my house within 1 year.

  3. Very, very nice. If we get 20 players, my jeans are creamed.

    Also, I saw that hobo/spacebee brewers/cubs pic on the big screen and HOLY SHIT that dude is wearing a red huber t-shirt… the very same red huber t-shirt that sweet mandy gave me as a b-day present at the pig pinata party. I loved that shirt but I tossed it when we moved to SD because it was old and full of holes. CURSE THAT GUY AND CURSE CAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. alright, i’m not one for football–real or fake–but i will get aaron on the case on our behalf. although i do have to say, the dom prize would be nice. the one and only time i had dom was at the moneypenny extraveganza at the sidecar (i’m in one of the photos above, drinking it probably, teeny tiny on the left side of the frame).

  5. I am already in, wifey. And I can guaran-damn-tee that you’ll be paying for any Dom P. we’ll be drinking coz I can’t pick football for shit. And if I do win, I’m trading that thing in for a case of Old Grandad and a box of Ben Franklin blunts.

  6. I’m back in San Dog after my almost week long galavanting in Wisconsin. Lots of fun from start to finish. Packed it to the brim just like I like and wwhazz hates.

    It all started with a visit to Hortonville. Dinner was had at the Black Otter and ping pong was played. We had a mini tourney called “Women of the Night” put on by Abbey and Liz took the gold. Thursday consisted of running all over the country to visit grandparents and great aunts and a cousin in the hospital. Thursday night I was able to see Abbey play volleyball at my old high school and man is she damn good, I mean DAMN GOOD. Like colleges are already knocking on her door at the very beginning of her junior year. Friday early we headed up even further north to Crandon, WI, home of the Sommers Irish Waters cabin on Lake Metonga. It was everything I wanted it to be and more. We sat in the lake and drank beer while my small cousin massaged our legs. We ate like kings and queens. We played cards and dice and went jet skiing and tubing and played volleyball. I was even lucky enough to step in a fresh crap with my barefoot and had to go screaming into the lake to wash it off. We had an egg toss in the shallow water, bathed in the lake and even went to Mole Lake Indian Casino for some $3.00 min table blackjack. I practiced for Vegas. Sunday AM was a four hour drive to Milwaukee to meet Reider McGreeder, my date to the wedding, at a fancy Days Inn on Hwy 100. The wedding was a blast, it was a nurse I worked with in Milwauke, and I was able to see lots of old coworkers and get a little crazy. It sure is funny bringing a man who is not your husband to a wedding where everyone knows that you just got married. We had a lot of good stares and double looks. One sad thing about the night I drunkenly misplaced a memory card with all photos from earlier in the trip, I’m still a little nauseated about doing that. Monday was the Brewer game with Reid, Spacebee and Timmer. Too bad I got the game time wrong and we arrived in the fifth inning. Wwhazz would have had me by the neck. We still had an awesome time and the Brewers won therefore breaking their 10 in a row losing streak. And Spacebee met her hotty mctotty boyfriend with the Cubs jersey. I still can’t believe she stood that close to that guy. After the game Grandma Wirkus put on a feast for all of us plus Lynn and Turtle. Turtle is thier new pug and he sure is cute, almost cuter than Parker. Monday night was a tour de Milwaukee bars due to many of them being closed cause it was Labor Day. But thanks to Reid, Spacebees and my friendship we still managed to have a fun night that ended at good ol Jaliscos. Tuesday AM I ran to meet Gram Wirkus and father in law for breakfast and then headed to the aeropuerto. phhhhheeeewwwweeeeeeeeee. It was an awesome trip I just wish it would’ve been longer. It is good to be back in San Dog with my husband and Parker and to see palm trees again but the visit did confirm that we will be headed back in May cause I have come to realize, MAN I LOVE WISCONSIN!!!

  7. Madd you’re right I was at the Minneapolis airport twice for layovers, we should have met for lunch, what kind of friend am I??????

  8. 1.) Man oh man, just looked at the pictures.
    2.) She’s WEARING his HAT. His HAT.
    3.) I think I saw my present.
    4.) Spacebee humping a Tim McGraw poster: priceless.
    5.) JoCats, I can’t believe JoCats. Any Brewers?
    6.) Man, wwhazz WOULD have had you by the neck. So would have I. I’m surprised Timmer didn’t.

  9. Madd, I’m flying through MSP to Milwaukee on Saturday. I can fit you in for lunch between 12:14pm (estimated) and 12:59pm (estimated).

  10. There are a lot of fun, secret people in those pics. I see a tiny rumsey, a hidden paul, a bit of Arlo, kristen, ross…

  11. whazzmaster your presents are not in those photos- the hat was reiders and the ping pong my dad’s, good guess though.

  12. i have a big premiere at the orpheum next wednesday–giving birth to the planned parenthood movie FINALLY–and i think you’ll be in town, MP. if you and spacebee (is that what we’re calling her now?) are looking for a free date, come down to the orpheum around 7pm and i’ll put you in the special person section.

  13. rumsey– sorry I didn’t respond by email; wednesday night is when spacebee is meeting my family for the first time in riggity-ray-cine. curses. sorry, ma’am.

  14. have fun with the fam! it’s showing in MW the next night if you’ll be still in racine. that is close, right? i’m not great with geography…,

  15. i feel so rude… boob scotch, in case you didn’t know, is scotch and ice mixed with a tit. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooob. scotch.

  16. MW is less than 20 miles from racine proper (IN LUCK!!#%987), however, there is a 208 mile change in elevation. too bad you’re not good with topography either. man that was lame. sigh. tourney in 3 minutes…. bored. rumsey, just remember this, on topography maps, each line signifies a change in elevation as indicated on the map key. in the case of racine and MW, there would be a TON of lines… unless the map was 200 mile scale, then just the one line. right around the border.

  17. dammit click here your name is unclickable, whatever you are selling, i am buying. but i have no path to the goods. you posh bastard

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