On the Mathematics of Moving

Sweet Mary mother of Joseph I own a lot of crap. What’s worse is that I’ve been carting it around for so long that I no longer have the right brain connections to honestly evaluate whether I should throw it out or not.  Every time I turn over a doodad in my hands I regretfully think, “But I brought this doodad out here FROM Madison six years ago. I owe it to the old guy to get him back there before I chuck him in the trash eight years from now.” No, quit that shit you sissy. Throw that doodad away and then light the box you found it in on fire.  I gotta get all my possessions to fit in a 6’x12′ trailer (more or less) and right now the task looks quite daunting.  For instance, the problem looks solvable until I realize that my kitchen contains hundreds of items concealed by cupboard doors.  And when I think of the storage locker down the hall I start to shake uncontrollably.  At this early juncture I’m pretty sure my best bet is to pile all my belongings in one big pile in my living room and then start throwing away shit until the pile measures somewhere in the neighborhood of 396 cubic feet.

sigh.

22 thoughts on “On the Mathematics of Moving

  1. Oh yeah, I’ve already decided this move will use Maximum Russian Nesting Egg Power. The glasses go in the crockpot, which goes in the shop-vac, which I will try to fit in the big camping cooler.

  2. as far as the test, i’m shaking uncontrollably. i don’t think there’s much more i can do… just gotta chill… i might study a bit tonight but i’m afraid i just gotta be content with what i can do right now and hope for the best… isn’t that the best strategy whenever one is taking a test? don’t prepare well just hope? that is the cal strategy.

  3. where’s wwhaz? still in Vegas? what do you think of The Stand???

    I beat dude in baseball so I get to force him to read whatever I want but since I am a benevolent dude I let him exercise free will and choose between TWO books. one was Dostoyevsky and the other was Stephen King. So he took Stephen King… Anyway I remember enjoying the stand very much but this was in jr. high so I’m interested… What you think wwhaz? Is it keeping you up nights? Ooooooooo spooooooooooky

  4. hey dickhead am i gonna see you before you move? maybe next weekend? if i live that long… i’m going under the knife on thurs. you’ll miss me when i’m gone whazzmaster!

  5. Why are you taking the LSAT, you weirdo? Why on earth do you want to go to law school? Didn’t your gay bf Clark, or whatever, go to law school? Where do you want to go? Don’t be nervous for the LSAT. It’s just the beginning in a long series of dog and pony shows that you have to live through that mean absolutely nothing in terms of what kind of a lawyer you’ll be.

  6. Big j: truth be told I’ve enjoyed studying for this test very much. I’m sick of it now but it was a refreshing challenge. Furthermore, I am not necessarily going to law school, my grades from wisco were not so hot, just ask paul. But whateve, I’ve got this fortune amassed so I might as well spend it on law school applications.

  7. 1. Rumthumbs, I’m ready when you are. Sounds like it will be Rumfun writing that bitch.
    2. KTK, you should be able to get a ticket for 200-250ish. Three months out is too soon to check.
    3. Bigj, cal’s BF is named Greg.
    4. Dr, you SUCK HARD and you are DUMB.
    5. Cal, good luck on the testy.
    6. We’re back from vegas but our life is in shambles. Belly is sick as hell and can’t go to work, so that means no money is coming in and we have to pay rent. To top it off, I got a job offer while we were in vegas, but it had a drug test so hollarit: no jobby job for me. Who drug tests adjunct profs in so cal? Jebus… At least my poker game is slammin right now, so that helps in the $$ dept. To top it off, Jessi’s uncle is crashing at our place for the next five days. Dude has some very specific ideas about the universe that I pretty much do not agree with and he loves to share said ideas. I once sat next to him at a picnic table for twenty minutes and I wanted to puncture my eardrums, so 5 days should be fun. How this houseguest came to be is a long boring story…
    6. But vegas was fun. Really fun. Craps and poker made us money; blackjack and belly’s slot habit lost us money. We ate a lot of great meals (This place http://www.usmenuguide.com/burgerbarmenu.htm blew my mind) and the clubs were free http://www.mandalaybay.com/dining/restaurant_mondays.aspx. Overall Sunday, Monday, Tuesday in Vegas rules like Madison in the summer and drinking on Sunday nights. Madd, it would be a great way to do vegas for the first time with your girl. We would’ve spent 2 bills just getting into those clubs on the weekend and our room woulda been 400ish instead of 150.

  8. BigJ… i don’t think you understand how the system works…. or course these hurdles aren’t going to define what kind of lawyer you’ll be… there are infinate number of ways to go over a hurdle, but you can never just walk through it. so these dog and pony shows don’t define what kind of lawyer you’ll be… OF COURSE NOT… instead they define what kind of lawyer CAN’T get through. it’s a filter, not a press. didn’t you even look around ever? obviousity.

  9. horses… and sheep… and motherfuckin leprochans… they don’t want to see a black man make it. o fo sho

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