It Was Fun While It Lasted

Five years ago I moved out to California with a trailer full of clothes, books, and a computer. The good people at Intuit gave me a signing bonus of $5,000 (before taxes) and I used it to buy a Golden Tee 99 arcade machine off eBay for ~$2000 (including shipping). I had many late nights in San Jose playing Whazz with the Madd Scientist (before he was even known as such). I dominated him so thoroughly and embarassingly that I named myself the Whazzmaster. It’s not like I made him call me that at home, I just fancied myself The Whazzmaster. When it came time to buy a domain name for my new website I naturally used it, because duh, it fucking rules. Fun was had.

Five years passed: I’ve moved it four times (three with Judd’s much-appreciated help) a total of 10 flights of stairs and it is a heavy fucker. I haven’t played it much lately but when Scientist was out here earlier this year we hit a few rounds. Fun times, fun times.

I just sold it for $500 plus a $20 tip for helping the guy bring it down to his van. The dream has died.

*sigh* … say lah vee. Feel free to reminisce about how whazz has affected your lives. I know I will tonight. Break out the whiskey.

my lord and master
The Shrine on our desk.

Can I still call myself whazzmaster? Or do I have to change the name of the website? So many questions.

139 thoughts on “It Was Fun While It Lasted

  1. for all us humans know, dogs operate on level 37,000 and have to go down to 17 because thats where things start to get to a point you can grow together from. no one knows. it’s philosophy, and no one will teach the dogs what that means so we can ask them… so we can’t. also, stem cells might make every known issue with living cells completely trivial to remedy or alter with infinate precision. also 8 head giraffes would RULE. it’s the system, man. the system.

  2. sadly, i know i would be an awesome teacher. if only kids weren’t so fucking stupid. haha, just kidding little ones. you’re smarter than you know.

  3. why is it ok to think of a population of humans as a “work force” but it isn’t ok to think of the cells that make a human as capable of doing anything in return for their hosts? fucking limberg. tell me fucking THAT!

  4. i bet that mother fucker gives HIMSELF the sickness after that slap down. HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT!

  5. for as bad as i thought the political ads were getting around here….. they are getting INCREASINGLY WORSE. but so obviously in desperate desperate directions. that sounds like an effective system.

  6. it’s after 10pm… everyone’s probably already had a few…. TIME FOR SHOTS! check THIS out! i’ll show you THE STRIKEOUT! yeah, it’s awesome. dr 4nyay taught me the concept, but i really think i made it my own. yeah… all 3 at once. I KNOW! here here, do this shot quick! AWESOME! you know what i like?! BEEEEEEEEEEEER! LETS GO!

  7. uuuuuuuuugh. ugh. i don’t feel so good. HEY! BITCH! sahoew me youra tits. yeah, wae well FUCK YOU TOO, bitch. ok, i feel better. WERE’S THAT KEG, KEGMEISTER?! HOLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT!

  8. once one person has fallen off a 20′ ladder, your question is already answered and within us all.

  9. mother fucking 666 tourney was at 3pm eastern today. who the fuck is up then. bullshit. sorry about that QT bg… it’s my FAVORITE hand.

  10. I played the 666, but had to quit because we had to take Parker trick or treating at Petco. Made a fool out of myself and my dog, but we got a bunch of free shit.

    Some bitch glued a frankenstein head to her turtle’s shell and that mofo got a lot of dog food for third in the costume contest. Also, some dude dressed his cat up like a big spider and the thing was hissing its balls off….

    My dad got 5th in the 666er though… and I think timmer cashed.

  11. Last night night belly and madd played a drunken 20 sng. Belly got 4th when madd crippled her by pushing Q10 into her AA and then on the next hand she got her money in with AK vs A10 and KJ and lost.

    Guess she’s 4thin her balls off too.

  12. Cal, I gave up on the Steven King… The thing that really got me was how bloated it all was. Like say he needs a scene showing that his character’s mom is a real bitch. Dude gives us a scene of her being a bitch to the grocer. Then her being a bitch at work. Then her being a bitch at home. Dude… Doooooooooode. I get the picture. Or say he needs to show us that the nation is falling apart via the media. We get a scene at a radio station. Then a scene at a newspaper. Then a scene on network tv. Then a scene on local tv. Then another newspaper. It really just wore me out.

    But I like the start of Crime and Punishment even though it kind of offend my modern sensibilities. I mean, who the fuck wants to read a 9 page imbedded letter inside the novel. Fuck that. Fuck that. But I’ll trudge on.

  13. I shit you not. This is from Crime and Punishment:

    A Drunken man who, for some unknown reason, was being taken somewhere in a huge wagon dragged by a heavy draft horse, suddenly shouted at him as he drove past:

    “Hey there, Floppy brown hatter!” bawling at the top of his voice and pointing at him.

    The young man stopped suddenly and clutched tremulously at his hat. It was a floppy brown hat from Zimmerman’s, but completely worn out, rust with age, all torn and bespattered, brimless and bent on one side in a most unseemly fashion.

  14. a lot of idiots don’t understand the first 3 times you tell them. or start developing implications. or at least they don’t acknowledge that they understand. steven wants to make sure they are in HIS state of acknowledgement the first time they read it through. idiots eat that shit up. best sellers list, every time.

  15. we are in a world where whazzmaster the person, not the site, has a telephoto lens that connects to his internet enabled desktop computer, enabling us all to view what it views. brown floppy hats are also readily available, and cal is not busy with law school. why hasn’t this picture already shown itself to me? strange world, indeed.

  16. whazzgiving is at the cigarello lofts, right? we’ll see what 824 wisconsin dollars buys. then we’ll dance. around stuffing covered in gravy. the rest is implied.

  17. note, the stuffing was baked to ensure a somewhat crunchy texture. the gravy has of coursed reduced this somewhat, and continues to reduce it, but at present, the texture remains awesome. that is the stuffing we are dancing around. drunk on almost a thousand dollars of booze. HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLARIT!

  18. 1 bottle fornier champagne + 1 750ml smirnoff vodka + 4 cans red bull energy drink it gives you wings = 1 really really drunk guy or 1 buzzin guy and one pretty screwed up guy or 2 PARTY MACHINES! that is the fundamental theorem of boozin. your world should always reduce down to that. it’s a 1 electron ionic bond.

  19. estimated cost for the above misture: $20. $10 per machine. if your party had 80 guests, optimal fun was had. i can PROVE it.

  20. remember honda tuners: if you aren’t out of control. you aren’t IN control. be-LEEEDAT! because their tires are engaged in loose friction in a direction not perpendicular to the axel, they OUT OF CONTROL! tires should NEVER allow that. you HEAR THAT GOODYEAR?! HOLLYWOOD HAS SPOKE. MAKE TIRES IMPOSSIBLE TO DRIFT ON. DRIFTING IS OUT OF CONTROL. DRIFTING IS DANGEROUS. WHEN THEY ARE OUT OF CONTROL, THEY ARE NOT IN CONTROL. EVEN IF THEY ARE IN CONTROL, THEY ARE OUT OF CONTROL. FIRESTONE, MICHELLIN, these consumers are obviously wreckless. these tires that YOU HAVE BEEN SELLING US are allowing these young motorists to get out of control. why is this level of friction considered acceptible to you?! SANCTIONS SANCTIONS SANCTIONS@#(%*#@^(*@! STOP THIS NOW@!(#%&@^# IT IS DANGEROUS@!#!*(&@^# DRIFTING!#^&!#^ out of control is in control is out of control is in control, IT MUST BE STOPPED!#%)!(*#&^ …. a silence was felt. a yearning for cal. a yearning for A HERO.

  21. dr 4nyay will fucking RUIN an economic system. that is what he does. a party of 5 4nyay’s would be like 400 beers+. REDiculous.

  22. that year produced a lot of fine fine system destroyers. oh 70’s. look what you produced?

  23. what did you drink last night?
    just 2 party machines.
    whats in a party machine?
    no, it’s 2 party machines… 1 drink.
    huh?
    show me your tits.

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