89 thoughts on “We Won

  1. the question al franken needs to be clear on is simple: broadcast regulations. he was a network star. does he intend to make it harder for someone like himself to rise via the same means, or easier. simple as that. does he feel he was censored before to the point that his message was obscured? does he still feel censored? if he didn’t need the money, would he have still done SNL? what if there was no SNL, yet nothing was stopping him from creating it. would he have created it? did lorne michels ever over step his authority? did he get to keep his wardrobe? does he ever get bored alone in his house and do the stewart smalley voice for hours? could he beat me wrestling? doubt it.

  2. publicly when confronted with anything resembling a seemingly logical question he says “i’m in a period of transition right now”. i guess this period only consists of coming up with one response and refusing to keep it real. awwwwwwwwwwwwwlright. well, hollar at me when you’re out of the cocoon, i guess.

  3. also, i think that old dude on the plane heard his wife say “attack” not “address” which all the more reenforces the ECM response. old people hear a much different frequency range where those 2 words would be near identical. also, they like foods that naturally soften their poop.

  4. al franken is fyre. 4 carats in his ear, if you look, see a glare. al franken skates off in a ferrari. you get left behind. middle finger is up saying fuck the hos. al franken. he comes tight with every rhyme. he’s handing out ass kickings like diplomas. al franken could drop a shit and fly. that shit is fyre. 1 more jack and coke, bitch. al franken fucking OWNS you. say it ain’t true or shut the fuck up.

  5. No on 90? How bout maybe on 90? Is that a choice? Ha ha ha. Just kidding. I don’t vote. A few months ago I woke up and just knew it was over, knew I was never ever voting again. Whoopi Goldberg can leave me as many voice mails as she wants. I. Just. Don’t. Care.

  6. right now there are 100s of people whose lives depend on the fact that there is inherent suggestive power in whoopi goldberg leaving a voice mail. today you have collapsed their world.

  7. “Ha ha ha. Just kidding. I don’t vote.” that might be the best writing you’ve ever done.

  8. didn’t hemmingway say that he considered “For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.” his greatest work? or one of them other self proclaimed author types?

  9. i bet that would totally piss of maz… sort of first in line for the job… but i just stepped in all self important and took his spot?! who gave ME the right?! fuck you maz. and your trophys. you’re so GOOD at video golf. well, maz, i got your job now. i’m cal’s vice president, bitch. i OWN you. you’re like secretary of state now. yeah, well, i don’t NEED power. i’m vice president, bitch. go take some notes, maz. you fucking secretary.

  10. madd, have you read the WELLSTONE! chapter in franken’s lying liers? he’s been slowly plotting this “i don’t need to be senator but i will win” game since the plane went down.

    MP, if i send you the radio spot that franken did for me will you/can you post it on whazz? i think ole madd would get a kick out of my 1:1 interaction with mr. F.

    ktk, my dog as trout sounds perfect. man i should have gotten him that little fishing vest though. he and lawman and B could have gone fishin’ together next weekend. c’est la vie. I WON’T SPELL IT WRONG DAMMIT.

  11. the i don’t need to win game is perfect for the transition phase, but i think he’s already out of it and should drop at least making it obvious that he doesn’t need it. i’m finding it more and more distracting.

    i’d love the spots though, i watch at least 2 or 3 a day i find on the web. the whole process is just mind numbingly SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. i understand the value of timing… but come on… it’s dick fight time.

  12. i’m just saying… i would offer al franken a sneak peak PRE-MEMBERSHIP to maddpower.com if he asked for one. associating himself with me is the smartest thing he can do.

  13. pokerroom has a “goodbye U.S. players” promotion with a cowboy riding off into the sunset. tears are pouring from my face.

  14. whats the deal with olives? why should/do people consume these things? what about olive products like oil or party gags? are they good? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH OLIVES?! i’ll tell you. they fucking suck.

  15. and when they take the pit out and put something else in, i mean COME ON. now we’re making it a game or something? these things are uniquely disgusting enough that we should alter their natural muck and swap out some other.jaslkdfjalskdfj lk FUCK OLIVES.

  16. here’s the deal. i want my own nuclear sub. i’ll play by the rules. but i’m XO. and it’s MY sub. america: make it happen.

  17. i swear to fuck i’ll take that shit to crush depth on day fucking 1. i gotta know what i’m working with, because i WILL work with it. I AM HOV!

  18. i have a serious aversion to olives and i am not just saying this to be agreeable. it all stems back to my childhood family cabin and my grandfather refusing to make my hors d’oeuvres sans olives. even when i picked them off the disgusting juice was left behind. fucking olives. good oil though.

  19. does it take like 3 trillion olives to make a bottle of oil, so there are just tons and tons of olives laying around that if they could find people dumb enough to get a cycle of consuming them that they might as well, because they need so many to make the only useful product of the beasts? and who decided that “extending an olive branch” was some sort of diplomatic ANYTHING?! FUCK OLIVES. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FUCKING OLIVE BRANCH? DESTROY IT. just burn the branch…. here… i’ll extend this fucking ladder. use the ladder. we don’t need the branch. it’s full of fucking olives. look you fuckers that like olives know who the fuck you are, because you don’t like them, you fucking hump them all fucking night. you eat them like 40 at a time. i know you fuckers do it. i’ve seen you. fucking olive hounds. WHY DO THEY EAT THEM?! surely it couldn’t just be a bi-product of the very thought of this question… could it?! are these mother fuckers eating all these olives just to piss me off because they know i know they are fucking disgusting?! is the madd scientist going to have to choke a bitch?! man olives suck. there is a whole fucking olive section of the deli now. like 23 dozen varieties of olive. all in varied muck. ranging from puke green, to puke purple to puke blackish with opaque film exogoo. man i hate olives.

  20. olive juice completely ruins anything it touches. if they put it on a sub and it soaks into the bread, that sandwich is dead weight. throw it out.

  21. glad to know someone shares in my level of olive hatred. ask aaron, my parents, my siblings–all will verify. esp. ask my cousin monica who for some ungodly reason LOVES olives and is one of those people who takes 10 out of the jar and puts one on each finger like in commercials for olives and in the beginning of amelie. she knows how much i hate compared to how much she loves.

  22. rumthumbs, given your 1 on 1 experience with the man, assume he knew everything you knew i said concerning him… does he care? is it obvious? is he mad? is he amused? is he confused? is he screaming inside that i need to shut up, but can’t because it would be inappropriate? is he now? can i have a job?

  23. Hi.

    1. Jazzeyfa, job, and bebe. I leave my baby in the arms of another woman every freakin’ day. I do love this woman, however, so it makes it better. It ain’t easy. My job is great, though. In the last 2 months, my gross pay equals what it took me a year to make as a T.A.

    2. Our baby has 2, count ’em two teeth. Oooh, cute sharp baby!

    3. I HATE olvies, too. No worries about me serving nothing but olives next weekend, rumthumb.

    4. Oh Kerry, why do you have to be such an idiot?

    5. I have a sore throat 🙁

  24. if we all come together on this, i think we can remove olives from society. all the people in the olive industry will be out of the jobs, and we’ll be waiting with work. at our tattoo removal strip mall locations. 1 in 4 people has a tattoo. over half of them would like at least part of one of their tattoos removed. the machine is 75k and you just need a nurse to operate it. kendrick dropped Gs getting his off. cal, you can be store manager, i’ll be the computer guy. uh… bg…. sorry to do this, but, you have to quit your job. i need a nurse. thanks. and, i think that’s it. quick little simple and dirty meetin’, right cal?! I GOT YOU A JOB! zapping people with lasers all day is going to be fucking awesome. i. cant. wait.

  25. DETAILS. SMEEEETAILS. i learned business from thornton melon. cal. DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH? it’s a fucking laser dude. and you’re in charge of it. MAN-A-GER. silver platter dude, and look at this, i’ll put THAT on a silver platter. 2 platters, dude.

  26. ktk, your kid can be the kid in the window. that is right. for advertising purposes, and to draw potential customers into the store, every location will keep a live human baby displayed in the front window. you’re kid is like barely 1 and has a CAREER. i am so proud of you.

  27. daycare costs eliminated, child in cal’s nurturing hands, and you got a paycheck on top of all of that with full medical and dental! HOW CAN THIS BE TRUE?!?!!

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