Sittin Atop The Woorrrrllld

As I sit astride the lines
dividing states and thoughtful times,
rhyming this and that with wit, thinking of when maddddd was fit,
it occurs that all this time: OHHH MY GAWD, TWAS TURPENTINE!

Well ladies and germs, I made it to Madison, WI. I’m sitting in my new apartment, which is not unlike Jay-Z’s in its devastating “coolness” and bling-blung. I bought a lot of stuff in the last two days, including a new luxurious mattress to sleepy-peep on and a couch/entertainment center/coffee table (with the coffee table being a gracious housewarming gift from the parents). It’s 9:40a local time (7:40a Pacifica-time) and I’m a-waitin’ for the ol’ cable guy to come hook me up with a plethora of goodies including tee-vee, interweb, and VOIP-a-licious phone action. I will be dialing into my first Over-Tha-Phone standup meeting at 11:30a this morning and it’s gonna rock. Just got caught up with my email and bloggy goodness via a hijacked (read: pirated) open wireless access point somewhere in my building. Sometimes I love being smarter than the av-er-age bear, eh boo-boo? er, madddddddddddddd?

“How was the trip?!” the greek whazzmaster chorus exclaims.

“Shut up, you.” I respond, “I’m talkin’.”

The trip was tremendous, if by tremendous you mean “full of tremors of fear that I’m about to get swept off a mountain cuz dear old dad’s swinging the trailer around the road like a bolo in the rain being swung by some… uh, i dunno, wet bolo champeen or something.” We were supposed to go 4 days strong but when we reached Cheyenne, WY at 1:30p on Day Two we looked at each other, then looked at Cheyenne, then looked at each other, then said, “Let’s get out of this shithole.” We made a break for Omaha, where we done stayed the the night. That place lives up to the poker game it got it’s name from: motherfucking confusion at first, then careful recognition that it’s complexity hides something to like. At any rate, I thought we were getting an awesome room rate right up until the river when the front desk hit a two-outer and overboated us. Fuck. We had to pay full price for the room.

Wyoming is boring.

Nebraska sucks.

Iowa sucks.

Then we hit Wisconsin and I was happy as a clam. After incredibly driving across all of Wyoming on Friday morning, and then all of Nebraska Friday afternoon we reached Madison a day early and were able to get the truck unloaded by 5pm Saturday. Then on Sunday a veritable army showed up in the form of my mother, grandmother, sister, brother, and fiancee-in-law. They, in addition to my dad, helped me unload the entire trailer in one hour, and then unpack and put away everything within another two hours. By 1pm we were all eating a healthy lunch at Old Chicago. I hit BB&B for some essentials and then went and bought a living room set (to be delivered on Nov. 14)  We capped off the day of unloading, unpacking, and shopping with a good old fashioned family meal at The Old Fashioned (accompanied by the lovely spacebee, of course).  I had the pork sangwich: delicioso.

A couple of notes:

  1. Rumthumb: sorry I didn’t answer last night, I was in the middle of confusion when you called.  We shall get together at the earliest convenience for cocktails and stories.
  2. All: I have whazzmaster-named The Jacobses child “grace-o”. I suggest you get used to me abusing my authority.
  3. Bellygirlx: mucho congratulaciones on your win. You alone control the destiny of literally dozens of 300 pound monster men; how does that feel?  Make it so they wear tu-tu’s to the next home game.
  4. cracksmoke: haha, your precious bears lost. suck it.
  5. cal: It feels weird that I don’t live in the same state as you anymore, but I’ll probably get over it.
  6. maddddddddddddddd: good to see you kept everyone in line when I was away.  In return, you are hereby welcome in my house whenever I am here, and even when I am not IF:
    1. You can somehow jimmy the balcony door open, and…
    2. you don’t take anything valued at over $14.99.
  7. wwhazz: this is the fucking life
  8. ktk y k-car con hadley: hi! hope to see you folks soon!
  9. alls my peeps in california: HOLLLARIT, and thanks for the hoespitality

More to come as it develops, I need to finish my coffee and ready myself for my first online meeting.  Seeyuz.

PS– I’ll have photographics of the trip and my new place once my main computer is up n running. Right now I’m on my work laptop.

80 thoughts on “Sittin Atop The Woorrrrllld

  1. is still running an ad every break on espn. i think that says something obvious.

  2. every night at 10:15 there is a 24+2 $3,000 guaranteed ploiter that looks to be a decent overlay… only 17 signed up right now. this tournament is my new bitch. about to bleed. WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  3. bluegills everywhere, and this fishing pier seems to be constructed of high quality pressure treated lumber… they even routed the edges and shit and pluged all the screw holes. whats this? drink holders. awesome. and the bait is free? man. this place is pretty cool. NO WAY! plush top pickle pails?! FOR EVERYONE?! whosaroom? pokerwhat? FULL TILT 4 LIFE

  4. wow, this fucker just filled up 80 people more in 4 minutes. at 131 now and 3200 pool. still rising. andy bloch is in. should i give him a peak at me now or wait for saturday afternoon? you’re right. both. i guarantee i win this tournament.

  5. mark kennedy lost. that’s good? i guess. now some other bitch will just start her new programs, not waste her time undoing his, and tax us more to compensate… $2,000 more per family as estimated. great. i believe we just got it in the stomach. my balls are thankful. i guess.

  6. people who don’t think organisms other than humans have conscious self awareness or species awareness or whatever say that this dog is doing this because it is in his own best interest to do so, and that environment was create by the human, and the humans ability to create that is what makes them different. OK. so quincy’s 3rd favorite toy is the head off the toy bg gave him. he told me to thank you again. day 1, 5 minutes in and he’s cutting the fat off that bloated toy. what are these? arms? a stuffed torso section? thats no fun, GUT IT. so he destroyed this thing until it was just a head with a big stuffed nose or ear or something still attached, that he doesn’t bite off cause it gives him good grip on it, then he just throws it around and does cool stuff with it, then i do the coolest stuff i can do with it, then he takes it and works on his game and is getting pretty good out of catching it in the air, and then swinging it around and slamming it on the groun and then kicking it back to me all in 1 motion. SKILLS. so anyways, he brings it back to me and drops it or i take it out of his mouth. i decided to throw it and then get in buddah zen position with my palms up and close my eyes and not respond to him. he came back dropped the ball in front of me, then hopped on me a bit then sat confused a second then got the ball and set it in my hands. why would he do that? he was consciously deciding what his options were and then picked one that involved giving his toy to me, something i never trained him to do. now of course you could say he is doing this for himself because he wants me to throw it because he has fun chasing it. but how does he know that if he puts it in my hand i’ll throw it? i’m not responding to him right now… he wants me to. he isn’t only self aware, he is completely aware of the situation. most humans aren’t. cats are a whole different beast.

  7. restaurants that use red plastic ketchup bottles instead of clear are engaging in orchestrated LIES.

  8. gay marriage ban amendment 60:40. 60:40 SCREAMS, this is a local issue. cities should decide who are allowed to couple within their walls… cities, why do you let states and federal policy makers control you? the city is YOUR PEOPLE. why can’t your people get what they want? isn’t making a law that says same sex marriage is illegal actually an admission that there is demand for such activity, and in such a case aren’t we to believe the invisible hand of the market will solve the problem? i guess the invisible hand are you idiots and the market is you idiots and you love nothing more than getting dumber. great work citizens. you just wasted your day ensuring others couldn’t…. but now what do you think they are going to do with their free time? FUCK. YOU. UP. what else is there? man, people are dumb. who would actually vote on that issue? and dumber still who would vote yes?! WHO FUCKING CARES?! when i fix things, people will call my name. they will shout HOV.

  9. wwhazz… dude… $8+.70 18 man turbos where top 5 get $24+2 ticket and 6th gets $14. running sit and go all day. the limit tables are a joke, but i’m sure we could run over them, but it’s not worth it. these tournaments are set up very very good to be fleeced all day long. this site was set up by top US poker pros, and their understanding really shines through in every visible decision they have made. pokerroom is a UK company with that benny hill logic you want to set on fire, but nothing else is on, and hey, that’s sorta funny i guess… it shouldn’t be like that, but hey, look, it is, and not only do people not mind, they don’t even understand… benny hill is so funny. especially when he makes those silly faces.

  10. i love love love HORSE tournaments. someone put me in the $50k at the WSOP this year and make yourself RICH. i am putting the offer out there. i just did.

  11. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. just found something i hate. when you bust out 9th in a horse tournament (final table bubble), the background changes right when you lose, then you ghost away. HARSH. moving in the cameras while i’m still fucking leaving the table. fucking union laws. labor unions are destroying this country.

  12. hebrew national: i got some fucking beef with you clowns. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT. THE. FUCK. at some places you got a 4 pack of 100% all beef 1/4 lb. dinner franks, and other places you got a fucking 7 pack of little league dogs. 7. i mean… comics have been milking the whole why do hot dogs come in different numbers than buns? silly bakers, and 13… WHATS THAT?! i’ll tell you what it isn’t… it isn’t 12… cause TWELVE is a DOZEN!^)(*@&#^$#^ BAKERS(*@#^&@(*#^& so what does hebrew national do? do they play the 6, 8, 10 or 12 dog per pack game like errryone else and tango with bun manufacturers toying with natural consumerism? FUCK NO. we sell 7 dogs. your move, bakers. hebrew national is fucking FYRE. but seriously, i like big 4 pack ones, and could you hook me up with an 8 pack so i can put some in the freezer and not have to go back to the STO so often? thanks. the hot dogs are delicious. with bright red heinz ketchup out of a clear bottle with a leak proof cap. whole wheat buns if you got em! RUMTHUMBS!

  13. Long story short, I’m already chat banned on Full Tilt…and that led to a full ban. So far so good on Stars. I got a little steam going earlier tonight and then they shut down for maint. Live game, I’m killing the 3-6 limit, but the damn card room I frequent only has one table going these days. Fucking no limit takes up all the space and today I got butchered playing while I waited for my table. Grrrrrrrrr. One hand I misplayed like a mule (99 vs 1010) and the other I just got unlucky when doode made two pair when I had AQ on a Q high all spade flop when I have the A of spades.

    Who knows… over all I’m kinda on a free fall, but after a peek at neteller, it’s not as bad as I first thought.

  14. But I’ll give Full Tilt another try if you really think it is good. One very bad thing about stars is their turbos are not real turbos… they are like 1/4 the turbo speed of party.

  15. Also, while I was sitting at the table at the card room, I got to thinking about the Extream Comedy and then I remembered the opening act: Timmer in a box. Holy shit that was funny. Dude has a real knack for prop comedy.

  16. bah, i just got raped 4 20 ploiter SNGs in a row. they don’t even have turbo SNGs, and their multi lineup is pretty weak. i couldn’t JUST play at full tilt. where is that link for stars? i’ll sign up right now… what to ploit and i can’t… but actually real money tourneys are working right now on PR again… weird. ring games totally broke, but i think we could play some tourneys.

  17. the 20 ploiter SNG seems to run like pretty steady, but no other limits… really weird. the multi list is seriously a joke. they need some marketing help… alternative poker games are BLOWING UP. i guarantee you pot limit omaha hi/lo is going to be the next game to play. why? because online poker birthed it. it’s the most complicated form of the most complicated game… 4 cards, gotta use 2 and 3 from board of communal 5 then split hi low with 8 qualifier. in real life it would take forever to play and divide the chips and count the pot and in general figure out everything that was going on and run a clean game. its never played in real casinos, so if the online sites want to stake some claim to some territory, start offering a ton of these multis for $10+ with $50s running twice a day. that action can’t spill over to real life because it isn’t available. they have to come to you, and they will. full tilt, i’ll work for you. just move me to costa rica. and anyone i know that wants to join me. and set us all up with mai-tais. no umbrella… i find them obnoxiously over-indulgent. just kidding. give me 3. and 8 cherries.

  18. the pot limit is better than the limit because it intoduces the “I CAN GUARANTEE IT IS WRONG FOR YOU TO CALL THIS BET” BET. and that’s fine… but once the dog figures out he can put the ball in your hand, then when is it right to call the “it is wrong for you to call this bet” bet when you agree it is wrong, but you also know that i know that and that’s the only reason i’m doing it, but there is no fold equity in re-raising. pretty shitty spot to be in, right? i just do that over and over and over and over. very similar to razz in the psychology aspect of it, but with the split pot and 4 hole cards you get a lot more avenues to fill with dominance. in that sense it is a very dumb game, but THEY CALLLLLLLLLLLIN ME… so i play. and why do they play? they 100% whole heartedly believe that me putting them in that spot over and over gives them a huge advantage. they really do. it doesn’t even confuse me really… if they are dumb enough to sit down, they are already pretty dumb, and probably wrong about most things. i OWN them.

  19. all the marijuana legalization votes went 54:46 keep it illegal, surprisingly the same ratio that all the ban gay marriage votes ended up making/keeping that illegal too. so silly that 46% of people that actually got out to the polls say something should be legal and in these post-prohibition times we still pretend we know better. oh wait… i meant GREEDY REPUBLICAN RELIGIOUS TIED IN LOBBY FUCKERS still pretend THEY know better. than me, homie? BAD BET.

    whenever i see a republican politician (VERY DOUBTFUL BECAUSE THEY DON’T ACTUALLY ENTER REAL SOCIETY BECAUSE THEY RIGHTFULLY FEAR BEING SHOT), i am going to, and i playfully suggest you do the same, shout at the top of my lungs, as close to them as i can, over and over again “YOU. ARE. SCUM. YOU. ARE. SCUM. YOU. ARE. SCUM…” just don’t stop. i guarantee they break. mother fuckers. see you on the streets, bitches.

  20. Went to Pat McCurdy last night; it was pretty fun. Sorry gay people, Wisconsin hates your fucking guts by a 60%-to40% margin. I signed up for Full Tilt this morning, we’ll see if anything comes of it. Also: my main computer seems to be infected with some sort of virus, but I’ve run all the freeware checkers out there like AdAware and Symantec’s online scanner and they all say nothing is wrong BUT BUT BUT every 10 seconds or so the computer Tabs ~5 times and then types the letter ‘t’. It sounds dumb, but it is driving me up a fucking wall. maddddddddddd, have you ever heard or seen anything like this?

  21. OK, after several restarts and mucho perplexedness, I think the problem is with a game controller that’s hooked up to it. It’s never wonked out like this before, but at least my computer isn’t going nuts now that I’ve disconnected the thing.

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