California Dreamin’

Yes, yes.  I’m not dead, I haven’t fallen with insufficient leverage or drive to “get up,” and I’ve spent the last two hours putting printed signs saying “Ur Kids R Ugly” on every 5th floor hotel room door.  It’s a good time to be alive, gentlefops, and so far Cullyfornia has been the cat’s pajamas.  Friday night spacebee and I had a fun-on-a-bun time with Grace-O and Her Parents.  We went to Hukilau in San Heezy and it was good food, folks, and fun For Sheezy.

Saturday was a day of Xmas Cali Shopping and then The Intuit Holiday Party.  As usual it was a great time of food, entertainment, and free booze.  The after-party at EvilAntnie’s was also as fun as it was indescribable… perhaps describable: we were playing Guitar Hero II on Expert and drinking really tasty Scotch.

Sunday I was supposed to meet up with GMC and go to the Packer/Niner game at Candlestick.  Due to hangovers and crossed comm signals I never hooked up with him, but I did get to see the game at The Old Pro in Palo Alto.  That bar is also known to me as The Bar I Hate More Than Any on Earth, and here’s why:  I’ve been there a few times now, and it is one of the few bars that has many TV’s in the area where you are sure you can go and see the game you want.  I think they know this, and therefore have no concept of service whatsoever because, well, where else you gonna go?  If you aren’t silly looking frat boy, you will get attention from the waitress approximately once every 45 minutes, and god help you if you aren’t looking directly into their eyes when they even walk up your row.  If you are, you know, watching the game and they walk by (because they won’t ask you if you want anything, you must flag them down) then will will have to wait for the next round, 45 minutes later.  I was kind of surprised when my bill showed 4 beers on it; I never put much thought into it that I had been able to plead with the waitress for a beer 4 times in the 3 hours I was there.  Anyways, I fucking hate that place.

After I got back to the hotel I realized that it was only 6pm so I went over to Garden City to play a little 3-6 Limit.  Four hours later, down $50, I had enough and returned home.  It was nice to be back in the atmosphere of Garden City Casino: the air was heavy with addiction and despair.  Also, a proto-Scientist was sitting to my left.  He was good for a few laughs.

So I’m in this training for work today and Tuesday, and then my flight leaves Wednesday morning at 6am.  Looking forward to din-din with the O’Rumsey’s, and after that ???.  Madddddddddddd, I’m still looking for when we can hang out before Xmas.

90 thoughts on “California Dreamin’

  1. fancy ray could seriously say anything he wanted the entire time he was on stage and i would be purely entertained. this guy is one of the few unique characters left. a true local celebrity. dude is FANCY.

  2. Was it a sweet potato or a yam? How was it served? Was it orange? I like whichever one is orange. I like it mashed, baked or fried like French fries, or Madd-style with brown sugar.

  3. if yellow bracelets have actually changed anything, then the red phone would be like charging you every time you put that yellow bracelet on, so it MUST work BETTER, RIGHT?! i heard that this U.S. soldier was about to be shot in the face by an iraqi local, when out of nowhere a magnetic ribbon diverted the bullet. that was CLOSE!

    RIBBON PEOPLE: LOOK. there are some of us in the world that are disgusted by rampant consumerism. your purchase of something that you feel ties you to a positive group consciousness and encourages others to do the same ACTUALLY encourages me to understand that you are AT LEAST not disgusted enough by rampant consumerism that you paid a FEW FUCKING DOLLARS for something to stick on your car. your ONLY defense would be that you think the message is effective. the message is you’re an idiot.

  4. do you know what i want the drivers of the cars behind me doing instead of paying attention to the road? reading my fucking ribbons.

  5. boom! yam info.

    i didn’t realize they were so different. they are both orange, but the sweet potatoe is orange because it’s high in beta carotine but the yam is orange despite it’s lack of the carrot juice. i thought they were very very very close, but this chart makes them look very different. i like sweet potatoes, not sure about yams. i always thought they were the same.

  6. seems like the US just decided that their “yam” was better than the true “yam”, so they just started calling sweet potatoes yams and that is commonly accepted. i fell victim to the propeganda.

  7. that link above says in 3 places that the true yam is responsible for slowing down the explosive population growth of humans…. but it never says how or why… any thoughts?

  8. perhaps the US invented this new form of “yam” to stop people from eating true “yams” because they didn’t want their population growth slowed. to US “yams” INCREASE population growth in any way? i’m fascinated.

  9. and now rumthumbs is fucking boiling out the tit trying to get the whazz-man to eat these things! does she not want him to procreate? how much exactly is she planning on slowing things down? is her phone red? do you think it’s just a red faceplate from the mall, or is she contributing to AIDS research right now?

  10. “In fact, there is one rather dubious, unconfirmed report of an enormous yam on the island of Pohnpei that was 10 feet (3 m) in length and weighed up to 1500 pounds (680 kg). Rumors have it that at least 10 people were required to carry it. REMEMBER THAT THIS RECORD IS UNSUBSTANTIATED AND MAY NOT BE TRUE.”

  11. i’m pretty sure i just invented invented “boiling out the tit”. it’s the best way i could describe her eagerness as i understood it.

  12. “Another fascinating story about steroidal glycosides involves the monarch butterfly. Toxic steroidal glycosides are ingested by caterpillars as they feed on milkweed plants of the genus Asclepias (Asclepiadaceae). The glycosides have no ill effects on the ravenous caterpillars and are actually stored in their bodies. Upon metamorphosis the glycosides show up in the bodies of the adult monarch butterfly–thus rendering them toxic to predatory birds. One swallow of such a butterfly is very distasteful or may cause the bird to become gravely ill–and birds quickly learn to avoid monarchs.”

  13. as an obvious side effect, birds also learn to avoid butterflys that LOOK like monarchs. modern scientists claim these butterflys adapted these traits because of the monarchs. it’s religious propeganda to mask the fact that it’s just dumb luck this species continues to thrive.

    i’m sure the milkweed plant is just exstatic that look-alike species is thriving as a biproduct of it’s consumption. i’m sure it feels honor in that.

  14. stadium contractor, you have the zoning boards attention. please state your case.

    “these women are boiling out the tit for more stalls in the restrooms.”

    give them what they want.

  15. Is “boiling out the tit” eagerness or anger? Both? Could a man ever boil out the tit? Could Cal? Dare I say it, could Greg?

  16. yes, i’d like 3 sweet potatoes please… 2 of them madd-style, and an order of yam fries. and a diet coke.

  17. nah, only women can. it isn’t neccessarily anger… it’s could be any one of the many known woman emotions known to flare up uncontrolled. that energy is capable of superheating some unnamed fluid (assumingly breast milk i suppose supporting the idea that this is woman only but then again some men DO lactate or so i’ve heard greg) to a boiling point and ejaculating it out in some way from the “tit” is just knowingly over the top. it implies only true desire. if you are boiling out the tit about something… you truly care about it.

  18. desire is quite possibly the root cause of most female anger, but it doesn’t neccessary imply anger. that’s iranian logic. the north koreans also support that thought process.

  19. i think “don’t boil out the tit” is a much more respectful way to say “don’t get your panties in a bunch” as it’s current usage is implied to be understood.

    sadly modern woman would probably be more offended by the tit one. some woman have strong objections to the word panties, though… so you never know.

    any ladies care to comment which would offend them more if they were lipping off to someone who responded with either? what if a woman said this to you in a similar situation? what if a man said it to you and you weren’t really feeling anything about it, so they were wrong for saying it? any different? what if a woman was wrong? call her out? cat fight? slap the dude? pound the nuts?

    rumthumbs, thats the sell. we sit outside cub foods all day and i get woman to yell at me all day and i say each response 50:50 and we do an analytical study of the results. is the ubixutousness of the phrase don’t get your panties in a bunch so playful intertwined in modern culture that it is less offensive than a similar phrase that implies whatever was wearing the panties is now capable of vast energy while at the same time expressing the would be insulter’s desire for her to preserve her tits as the boiling substance would nodoubtingly scald them? is it just that so much is implied and a reaction is expected so fast that unwilling to take the time to think it out the women in question overreact as this is nodoubtingly the first time they’ve heard the broken sentance?

    or am i way off and would they laugh? cause it is pretty funny.

  20. ubiquitous is what i meant word nerds. try and take a letter out and make a new word each time. i bet you $1000 you can’t.

  21. never YOUR tit or HER tit… it’s THE tit. it all the more confuses things by making them that much more crystal clear. things that is. i think thats 7 in a row now… rumthumbs will appreciate that.

  22. …And that does it for our evening programming here on Whazzmaster.com, thanks for reading everyone. I’m cal and i’m here with the morning broadcast.

    Today is December 14th– it’s cold and raining here in San Francisco, I’m at work, and excited to report that my pinky finger is gaining fexliblity and range of motion every day. As I type it rests on the “a” ready to do its part!

    good day whazzmaster.com!

    Madd, back to you.

  23. alright i am done with the mid-week boozin’. it makes me do things like start researching yams. plus i didn’t feel so good this morning at 7am when the alarm clock went off. vic pierce–curses to you you bastard!

    maddd, once again you’ve got our joint project calendar booked for months at a time. i think we need to hire some help.

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