Charter Communications: The Worst Fucking Company On Earth

Motherfucker piss shit ass fuck twat.

Wednesday evening, I arrived back in Madison from California. I tried to get online to do something and my internet wasn’t connected. I fought with my computer for 45 minutes before I realized that hey, my phone didn’t work either. I went into the living room: my cable tv didn’t work either. It was late, so I resolved to call Charter (i.e., the worst motherfucking company on earth) in the morning.

Thursday morning I called (CALL NUMBER 1) Charter (REMEMBER, THE WORST FUCKING COMPANY ON EARTH) and was told there was an outage in my area. I asked how long and they said someone had been dispatched to fix it and it shouldn’t be long.

Friday morning: still no service (tv, internet, or phone) so I called back (CALL NUMBER 2). This time the utterly fucking idiot “cable tv tech support” person dispatched a technician to come look at my TV & Internet setup. The date and time for the service call? Saturday, between 1p and 5p. This becomes important later on, folks. She then transferred me to the Phone Division, where they set up a separate, Phone service call for the same day (Friday) between 8a and 5p.

Friday comes and goes, no one ever shows up or calls (MISSED SERVICE CALL 1). I would later be told that someone came to my house but I wasn’t there. Funny, I work from home; I was there all fucking day. My cell phone has this feature where I know if someone called. No one called.

Friday night I stayed at spacebee’s, because I didn’t have to be back home until 1p (when the service window was supposed to start) on Saturday.

Saturday I awoke at 11a to find 3 messages on my phone:

9:30a – “This is charter, we’re trying to confirm your service call today. The tech will be there in 20 minutes.”

10:10a – “This is Bob, the charter (the worst motherfucking company on earth) service tech, I’m outside your building.”

10:20a – “Sir, this is charter communications. You were not home so we are canceling this service call. Call back to reschedule.”

(MISSED SERVICE CALL 2)

I was about 4 shades of fucking enraged purple. However, I also know that “customer service” reps these days are trained such that if you yell and scream, they just say “Sir, I don’t have to take this abuse.” and hang up. So I called up (CALL NUMBER 3) charter (the worst motherfucking company on earth) and was angrily saying how badly I’d been treated and how this and that (no swearing, no yelling) and the guy interrupted me, put me on hold, then disconnected me. Motherfucking fuckwads at charter communications (the worst fucking company on earth). My call back was picked up, handled by a lady in South Carolina. I was then transferred to the Madison office, I was then transferred to someone in the repair department. She informed me that I had missed my appointment on Friday (news to fucking me, I was sitting in my apartment the whole day) and the one that morning (never mind that they said “in between 1 and 5” and, where I live, TEN FUCKING O’CLOCK IS NOT BETWEEN ONE FUCKING O’CLOCK AND FIVE FUCKING O’CLOCK.)

In the end, after 60 minutes and 5 transfers or hang-ups, the repair department woman said she would schedule an appointment for me between 8a and 12:30p on Monday. So, I dutifully wake up this morning and start my now-tiring hobby of WAITING FOR MOTHERFUCKING CHARTER COMMUNICATIONS (THE WORST FUCKING COMPANY ON EARTH) MOTHERFUCKERS THAT NEVER FUCKING SHOW UP. At 12:56p I called (CALL NUMBER 4) charter (the worst fucking company on the planet) and inquired when a service tech would be at my home. I mean, they wouldn’t wait at my home for hours until I got there, but apparently I should wait all goddamn day. The woman (in North Carolina this time) looked at the service order and asked, “They aren’t there yet?” I responded “No.” She said, and I fucking quote, “Well, I suggest you just wait a little longer, they be running late. Call us back in an hour.”

Wait for it… wait for it.

(MISSED SERVICE CALL 3)

I just called back (CALL NUMBER 5) and was told that my appointment wasn’t for today! It’s for tomorrow, Tuesday! It says it right there on the order! It must be true if it says it right there on the order! What? They told me it was on Monday? No, no, no sir, I must have heard them wrong. It couldn’t be the fault of charter communications (the shittiest fucking service in the entire industry!) (and the employer of some astoundingly stupid fucking humans).

So what will I be doing to tomorrow? Sitting right here, HOLDING MY FUCKING DICK and waiting for someone at charter commui-fucking-cations (i.e., the worst company I’ve ever had dealings with) to walk in and say “damn, you don’t have any cable, phone, OR internet.”

Honestly, I haven’t been this enraged since The Steve Misrack (The Worst and Scummiest Landlord on Earth) Incident. This one is going down in the record books, folks.

70 thoughts on “Charter Communications: The Worst Fucking Company On Earth

  1. This is sad, but CSR’s either:
    a) are too stupid to do anything for you
    b) afraid to lose their jobs if they actually help a customer or
    c) don’t give a shit and just cover up whenever they screw up.

    While a lot of CSRs are stupid and shouldn’t have their jobs, I’m sure Charter doesn’t care. In fact, having worked as a CSR for a very brief period (1 month, I couldn’t stand the company) I can say that CSRs are not there for the customer, they are there for the company.

    If the company doesn’t care, the CSR has little reason to care. They are paid directly by the company, and only indirectly by you. Who do you think they want to keep happy to keep their job?

    You think you ever get to speak with the head honchos at the company? No, you get to talk to the lowly CSR who either doesn’t know shit, or can’t do shit because the company that pays them says they can’t.

    Simply put “support” for just about any company is a joke, there are only a few companies I actually appreciate their support.

    If you think Charter is bad, try asking Adobe a question about their license agreement, and get 10 different answers in one hour by people who aren’t lawyers but are pretending to be.

  2. i needed a digital cable card for my tivo and called comcast a week before it was delivered… they said i could get one at the comcast customer service location a few blocks from my house. awesome. the day it was scheduled to arrive i go over, and they tell me that they don’t have them there and i have to call for an appointment. i call back and they say i have to have it delivered by an install technician and the earliest appointment is 1 week away. i have always understood the role of the customer service rep and the customer and how the company plays us against each other to profit, so now my move is obviously to flip the script. i simutaniously kept a rep on the phone and another occupied with online chat for 4 hours while i played my poker tourneys. evually i got the appointment for 4 days out instead of 7 after they said it was impossible and i just told them to check again over and over for hours and they kept doing it. eventually i got a supervisor that said they wouldn’t check again and i asked for them to check again and they said it would never work and there was no appointments and they i would say that it has just worked an hour ago on this same call and i would like them to check again and they would say is this call over? and i would say please check for an appointment and they would say that they don’t do that and it wouldn’t work anyways and i would say that they just did and it just did, then they would ask if the call was over and i would say please check for an appointment… on and on and on. the whole time i’m cracking myself up and my wife is telling me i’m a bad person and i should hang up, and i explain the game to her and she says i’m evil and back and forth and back and forth. so all in all i took up 2 CSRs and 2 CSR supervisors time for 8 hours. that definately burned up all of the profits that i’ve ever generated for the company, so we’re even. cablecard works great.

    i saved the chat text if you want it.

  3. then dude would be like “once an appointment is made, it is impossible to change it” then i’m like “you just did that for me” then they are like “we won’t do it again” “so you just lied to me when you said that was something you could not do as the word ‘again’ implies it had already been done” …. silence… he starts to mumble… i bark over him “YOU ARE A LIAR”…. silence… he starts to mumble again…. again i interrupt “NO ONE LIKES LIARS”. he comes back right away this time as a broken man “you may not continue with this abusive language”, i’m on top “WHICH SPECIFIC WORD DID YOU FIND OFFENSIVE?” … half beat of silence, might as well knock him out, he’s got a flashy star upside his head and i know about pushing up and the b button at the same time. “ARE YOU DENYING THAT YOU JUST LIED TO ME? THAT IS WHAT A LIAR WOULD DO. ARE YOU DENYING THAT NO ONE LIKES LIARS? DO YOU LIKE LIARS? YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU ARE SICK. YOU ARE CANCER ON SOCIETY. iiiiiiii HATE you.” “this call is being terminated because of your continued use of a abusive language” “fuck your mother.”

  4. poor dude’s got a job in a call center and he’s got to deal with madd scientist and his abusive language. all because the sckeezer can’t get the right cord to plug in his tivo. sckeezer you are a problem.

  5. and etrade plunges back to 1.10… get dan akroid and eddie murphy on call to handle your short sell ticket writing.

  6. whazzmaster has slowed to a crawl! keep up your posts madd this ship seems to be sinking… however, in the meantime, i will let you in on my thoughts. i have been thinking about the chicago cubs and why i like their organization.

    1) wrigley field – i would suggest that wrigley field is the best baseball field in the world, I love the lack of ads, i love the ivy, i love the lack of mall shopping, no kids slide or clowns or whatever modern stadiums have to keep brats entertained. how about you watch the baseball game THEN go shopping? but whatever i don’t mind the shopping and crap in other stadiums, just prefer when they don’t exist, but if the people demand that shit then the people demand it. anyway, not in wrigley. another thing about wrigley, it is quiet. no blaring music.

    2) the day games. in 88 when they installed the lights they capped the number of night games they would allow, and i dont’ know what that number is but it is cool. when i lived in chicago i worked in various offices doing various temp crap for a month here and 3 months there and accross the board one thing was true: attending a cubs game was a completely legitimate excuse for not being at work. try that in san francisco.

    3) they have not been to the world series since 1908. they are the perennial underdogs and how can you not support the underdog?

    4) i used to like the w sox because in chicago they get no attention and cubs are the darlings of the media, but since the sox won the world series i’m sick of them. go to hell sox.

    5) back to the cubs, wrigleyville is pretty cool too. just wandering around the neighborhood before a game is great experience.

    6) your mom

  7. dude, where are the goldy pics of me rocking the video games? i think that would make a good new post.

  8. first of all I don’t get fairly any channels like fox and MANY fucking others my internet connection is nonexistent I have to use my dads even then charter the ugly retards that they are start to hijack (“intercept” says my computer) my network, the websites and computer’s data and against my will redirect me to their crappy ass website even though I never gave them permission (did I mention they steal my data) and I don’t use their internet (I use Linksys). even when I use that network they send me ad after ad of crappy cheesy propaganda they also kind of force themselves upon me (my condo has charter and they pretty much give us a discount {the condo people not fucking ass retards at charter} so unless I want to pay full price of bills I cant switch). #IFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEcharter. p.s. who name a company of rich small dicks bastards *charter* did someone say CHEESAY

  9. “(I use Linksys)”… you win the internets, kid. #POINTS.

    by the way, YOU’RE THE PROBLEM.

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