I heart New York

Spacebee and I have returned from our long sojurn into the deep, sometimes durrty, South. Florida was wonderful, except that we couldn’t get there on time, couldn’t fly in to the right city, it rained a lot, it was cold the first few days, and our return flight almost got diverted to Memphis (where they make you eat coleslaw on your BBQ sammiches).

On the Plus Side, however, we did enjoy some incredible mini-golf tournaments. The mini-golfing was free at spacebee’s parent’s resort and it wasn’t some jank little course. It was pirate-themed, and I got my picture taken with an incredibly busty she-pirate statue. In any case, most of the time the Tournament Stakes were that the loser had to buy the first round. With 5 people ordering incredibly expensive drinks, it was in your best interests to not lose that tournament. After the tourney we would retire to one of the seven pools for some R&R (and pizza) (and booze). Pictures will be forthcoming.
We also had time to go to the happiest place on earth: Disney’s Animal Kingdom. I agreed to go because I figured, “well, it’s part zoo, so it can’t be all bad.” In fact, except for the brief (refreshing!) rain showers throughout the day it was pretty swell. My disappointment in all things Disney was upheld however, when we went on the Kilimanjaro Safari ride and they couldn’t just leave well enough alone. I was happy seeing all these animals just mixing it up out in a giant field somewhere, but then they contrived some story about ‘catching poachers’. Dude, just show me the animals. I tire of your attempts to make every attraction a heart-pounding adventure thrill ride.

I had a blast one day when spacebee’s brother-in-law and I hit a golf course while the rest of the clamoring hoardes traveled east to the Ocean and Beach. It was kinda sorta expensive, but then we were in the middle of Orlando. We drank more than a 12-pack between us on the course and it was affecting my shit like whoa. I’ve had a beer or two during eighteen, but not seven or eight. Fun though, and in the bar afterwards I had a bloody mary. Then it was off to BW3 for some boneless wings and NIT basketball action (an oxymoron, I know) and even more booze.

Finally, on Friday just spacebee and I went to Typhoon Lagoon, a Disney water park. That was very fun; there was practically no one in the park. Our plane left at 7:30p, so we were only there from 11:30a until about 4p. In that time, however, we were able to run all the way to the top of each water slide and jump right on (sometimes multiple times in a row). It was so fun I didn’t even care that I had to pay $10 for BBQ onna bun for luncho.

We got jerked around a little at the airport but made it safe and sound back to O’Hare (and only an hour late!) We stayed at spacebee’s parent’s house in Sugar Grove for the night, but had to kick it early to get back to Madison cuuuuz…

My parents came up to visit this weekend. First things first: holy moses. They’re on Weight Watchers and look great! My dad’s lost 40 pounds or something! Dude’s skinny now. We had a chez awesome dinner at the Magnus, and breakfast the next day at the Pancake Cafe. In the meantime we caught up and drank two bottles of wine.

So now you’re all caught up. I’m looking forward to getting a little bit of that pig. Slice off a shank or something, lawman, and we’ll cook it up ourselves, secret-like. We’ll drench it in some kind of sauce from BW3 and go to fucking town. Spicy Garlic-covered hog shank. Yum.

Finally, this is funny.

80 thoughts on “I heart New York

  1. cal, why don’t you add a few hours to your journey, go up to lutsen and say hi for us while you’re there! yeah for grandma’s–a biggie in the world of midwest marathons!

  2. i have very little time i’m afraid, race is on sat and after i gotta hightail it back to mpls to fly out sunday morning but if you’re free that day drive down and we’ll get lunch! i should be crossing the finish line somewhere around 10:30. Duluth might be a zoo but it would be cool to see you guys

  3. dude…it’s an auto-drive bullshit. why couldn’t cal make it process on time. boo cal. boo.

    i saw something on the homepage that the draft won’t complete until 11:59 PM PT on Sunday, Apr 1. that kind of sucks if you want to make a trade or reconfigure your team before the season starts.

    boo cal. boo.

  4. this is why i bet on cal. he has the power. cal, will you be near the grand canyon this weekend?

  5. cal, you know grandma’s (the sponsor of your little run) is a pop dance club in the basement of 7 corners, right?

    my artificial cal robot says that is worse than rock n’ roll.

  6. sometimes the beers at grandma’s are $1, and sometimes they are $5. it sucks when they are $5.

  7. cal, what are your thoughts on sportsmanship? like if you were winning a marathon by like 20 minutes, would you slow down a bit? if you were up by 31 dingers, would you trade the good doctor for the astro’s #9 hitter?

    i thought the whole point of sport was to do your best, but i’ve read 3 seperate stories today about people pissed about sporting teams running up the score….. doesn’t that mean the same as playing very very good?

    people are dumb.

  8. did you see that new york chick from vh1? don’t touch her though… she durrrrrty

  9. No, and double no. We got super-duper-double drunk in the Marriott bar for St. Patty’s Day and woke up too late the next day to actually “go into the city.” We did watch the Badgers lose to UNLV in the teeny-tiniest Rock’N’Roll airport lounge in all of LaGuardia International Airport, though.

  10. cal, have you seen clips from nick swardsons new show yet? dude plays an agent, and it is funny. real funny.

  11. chuck reminded me a lot of recent anna nichole interviews…. she was on methadone coming off a heroin addiction. chuck being in a pain based industry might have found himself in the same boat… who knows. dude was fucked up though

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