Today is Flag Day, you undeserving ingrates. A million years ago George Washington and God shook hands and agreed on the following:
- America is Great
- No more than 5% of US presidents will fall to assassins
- You can find low, low everyday prices at Wal*Mart, at the cost of the nation’s soul
- The flag will be composed of a circle of thirteen stars on a field of blue, and alternating red and white stripes.
- Except when a dumbfuck state like Texas comes along and joins the Union, then secedes and tries to destroy the Union, and finally is absorbed back into the Union.
- You can burn the flag to make a political statement, or alternatively you can threaten people who do that with jail time to make cheap political points with the hoi polloi.
So run a gigantic (300 sq. yds. or larger) flag up a flagpole and wave a smaller, cuter flag about in the breeze all day long. I guarantee you’ll go to Heaven if you do.