Pabst Farms Totally Kicks Ass!

I think I’ll keep following up on this as long as the Journal-Sentinel continues reporting on it. I realize that the majority readership of this blog doesn’t necessarily care about an enormous commercial development in Oconomowoc, but I think it sums up nicely the poor decisions going into a lot of real estate development in Wisconsin. I’m starting to tire of good farmland continually being concreted over so that yet another Best Buy, Wal*Mart, Target, Kohl’s, or Pic’N’Sav can go up. I am irritated that in order to build mixed-use communities, America finds the need to build a set of condos and then open up a mega-mall next to them.

So I should really separate my irritability over the entire Pabst Farms concept with my utter disdain for the idea of a gigantic upscale mall that is a short drive from other, existing huge malls yet built for people to flock to from all over southeastern Wisconsin. I don’t suspect any of this would outrage you, dear reader, because frankly I’m the sort of weirdo that only gets really mad about weird stuff like this. So, I invite you to share your reactions even while I guess most of them will amount to, “Calm down.”

On with the show.

Remember when I said:

I’m sure there will be all sorts of backpedaling and reassurances by the Must-Replace-Farmland-With-Malls-At-All-Costs folks that those assholes and their Hummers will have a Chili’s to go to on Wednesday nights in Oconomowoc.

Yeah, it was yesterday. Well, the JS already has a reassuring article about how totally kick-ass Pabst Farms is, even if those jerks from General Growth Properties totally were jerks and canceled their plans for a 1.5 million sq. ft. shopping mall!

At 1,600 acres, Pabst Farms is bigger than Shorewood. Most in the news this week have been 184 of those acres, where General Growth Properties planned, then backed away from, a 1.5 million-square-foot retail complex including a mall, multiscreen cinema and two hotels.

See? JERKS! We’ve got 1,416 acres of awesomeness even without your Jerk Faces!

In the coming days, I think I’ll post on how the continuing housing crash (another place where the cheerleaders won’t stop cheering, even after the game is over and the star quarterback wrapped his Ford F150 around a lightpole on the way home from a party) likely spells doom for the 1,200 planned residences.

33 thoughts on “Pabst Farms Totally Kicks Ass!

  1. the marketing motto of bakersfield: “life as it should be”. you can rearrange the letters to spell SHITEE.

  2. Mysterious, I’ll grant you that.

    Looks like spacebee acquired two tickets to the Packers/Bears game at Lambeau this evening. Face value, from what I hear.

  3. I wonder what stupid phrase, object, myth, person, circumstance, foretelling, animal, or weather pattern Cubs fans will use as an excuse this year. Anything but blame the horrible, horrible $300 million dollar players they retained. Seeya next year, Carlos “dick move” Zambrano!

  4. this saturday michael ian black and michael showalter are doing a show in at the new ivar theatre in hollywood.

  5. just saw a commercial for “quit smoking” with this gem:

    “have you tried everything to quit smoking? patches? gums? LASERS? even injections?”

    shit cracked me up right there, but then it got better. the product is 2 eraser sized magnets that you put on either side of the cartilage part of your ear. so far this commercial has my attention and i’m still laughing… then they explain WHY it works… the magnets work “acupuncture points” somehow without actually puncturing anything to “release the same feel good endorfins that smoking does!”

    look. shit like this usually pisses me off, but this is just blatant. this isn’t a real ad. it is paid propeganda that might be coming from a handful of different interest groups… but at the same time, maybe a handful of idiots will shell out the $20 or whatever and more power to them anyways. either way it made me laugh.

  6. user testimonials “i started smoking 30 years ago and it just feels sooooooooo good *pause* to finally be a non-smoker”

    either this is from the cigarette companies to reinforce psychological dependance, or the government or anti-cigarette companies who are using extremism and corporate greed standards to drive home a point.

    “now that i’ve quit smoking with zero smoke, i feel like i can accomplish anything” so now you smoke without magnets on your ears. congrats.

    this product is a joke, but it’s funny. stupid smokers.

  7. “patches and gums cost 100s a month and can still leave you addicted to THE nicotine.”

    not nicotine… THEEEE nicotine. you need it. smoke it. fuck these magnets. take a smooth drag from a refreshing pack of newport 100s. mmmmmmm.

  8. the website is fucking zerosmoke.ORG

    DOT FUCKING ORG! a domain reserved for NON-COMMERCIAL ORGANIZATIONS. THEY RUN FUCKING INFOMERCIALS AND SELL MAGNETS THAT SUPPOSEDLY HELP YOU STOP SMOKING THROUGH THE ART OF ACUPUNCTURE WITHOUT PUNCTURING ANYTHING. GOD DAMN THAT IS FUNNY.

  9. now that i know about the feel good endorphins, i want to smoke all day. besides, quitting smoking sounds expensive… it’s cheaper to just smoke, so i’m going with the economically correct choice.

  10. Actually for those of you who think you know what you are talking about (but really- are just very ignorant), I’m happy to correct you with this tid bit of information:

    Zerosmoke is an over- the- counter product based upon auricular therapy. Two tiny bio-magnets (bio-magnets are magnets for the body— not the fridge) are placed on the ear and used to stimulate the body’s natural response to nicotine rather than using chemical components such as pills, patches and gums. There are no ill side effects associated with this product and the magnets are covered in 24K gold to prevent allergic reactions.

    The magnets are worn for three to four hours a day for six days. There is no need to quit cold turkey – smokers have the option to decrease or eliminate smoking while wearing the magnets during those days. On the seventh day users may be able to quit smoking with no cravings but should continue wearing the magnets for an additional 20- 25 days to complete the cycle. After completion, the desire to smoke may be gone.

    The concept is based upon auricular therapy, a form of acupuncture without the use of needles. Auricular therapy has been used in addiction therapy for over 35 years. In fact, 1,000 rehabilitation centers incorporate acupuncture into their programs.

    In November of 1997, a consensus panel of the U.S National Institutes of Health gave conditional approval of the practice of acupuncture. They included an evaluation of those studies, which supported the use of ear acupuncture for pain relief and addiction treatment.

    Sooo… for those of you who think Zerosmoke is a scam and love to blog about it… here are the facts. Zerosmoke has worked for several people and will continue to help people kick the habit. Next time, get the facts first.

  11. If that Jessica post was real (which I’m pretty sure it is, given the comment metadata), then zerosmoke.ORG hires ad firms to go out and troll blogs and websites looking for negative comments, then attempts to ‘correct’ them. Fuck you zerosmoke; I could just delete that comment but I’ll leave it here as a hilarious indication that somewhere, someone thinks that correcting a negative post on whazzmaster.com is a constructive use of time. Jokes on you, Jessica. Idiot.

  12. Actually, I use zerosmoke.ORG products myself. Not only have I stopped smoking, but I no longer have a zombie problem.

  13. jessicunt… if i still these “magnets” on the fridge… would they stay? buy stay, i mean cling. by cling i mean use the physical properties of “magnetism” to form a weak bond. by jessicunt i mean you are a cunt.

    7th day and everything should be just fine… just like jesus. maybe jesus was a magnet? if jesus was a magnet, would he stick to the fridge? if jesus was a fridge, would magnets stick to him? what about zerosmoke magnets that utilize a form of magnetism only understood by marketers and chinese scam artists?

    wow… 1000 (a completely arbitrary number, but hey 4 digits!! well… 4 digits in a completely arbitrary base 10 system, but hey, we have 10 fingers! well… 8 fingers, 2 thumbs… but 1000!) rehabilitation centers do something! you must be proud jessicunt. my wife works in rehabilitation centers. she actually knows about all 1000 rehabilitation centers. that was a lie. there are way more than 1000 rehabilitation centers. i’ll make a guess that there are over 2000! maybe even over 2048 which would be 12 digits in base 2! WOW. i just wonder why the other 1048 (at least) rehabilitation centers don’t incorporate acupuncture into their programs… maybe because of the whole 35 years limitation you put on your claims. that is like… almost 50 years! half of 100! 3 digits! (base 10).

    after using your product the desire may be gone… isn’t it true that after using your product the desire may not be gone? isn’t it true that if the desire was not gone for a single person after using your product that one could still correctly state that after using your product the desire MAY be gone? jessicunt, do you like wasting people’s time more, or just extorting their money through truisms intended to exploit hope and fear?

    so your product TOUCHES a spot that when PUNCTURED does something. that is like… ALMOST the same! conditional approval is almost like FULL ON approval! i bet if you took those conditions away, it would be REALLY REALLY close! i bet that if your product had ANYTHING to do with acupuncture and whether or not it had any effect on anything, that this might actually be worth noting. i’m leaning towards you enjoy wasting time. perhaps MORE THAN ANYTHING! maybe.

    hey smokers, if you WANT to quit, and you BUY zerosmoke, and you DO quit… maybe it worked because you WANTED to quit, and you did. MAYBE zerosmoke didn’t MAKE you quit… maybe you just quit. maybe.

  14. ZERO SMOKE ZEROSMOKE ZERO SMOKE ZEROSMOKE Zero Smoke ZeroSmoke ZERO SMOKE ZEROSMOKE zerosmoke.org ZeroSmoke.org ZEROSMOKE.ORG quit smoking stop smoking stop smoking magnets quit smoking acupuncture magnets zerosmoke is a horrible horrible entity that is unwelcome in any dimension where my quantum state implies physical existence and self awareness. gee, i hope the search engines don’t send your potential clients here, jessicunt. you better correct me again to make sure they understand why it’s the correct (perhaps ONLY) (maybe) choice for them to send you $20 for magnets that won’t even stick to the fridge. suck my bio-dick.

  15. smokers: if you send me $20, you can call me every time you feel like smoking, and i will suggest you don’t do that. for $40, you can call me every time you feel like smoking, and i will cheer while you smoke and encourage you to smoke more than you normally would. either way, i can GUARANTEE that something may happen.

  16. coated in 24K gold to prevent allergic reaction… uh oh… what if the coating wears off? will i die? is it possible that i would die after the coating wore off? jessicunt, could you explain how the coating is applied? is it possible that this coating could wear off? i am very scared to use your product. i am going to smoke to calm down.

  17. is over- the- counter the same as over the counter? dashes are- fun! could you tell me about the counters that zerosmoke is over? do you mean the counter of the internet behind which legal recourse MAY be difficult? it’s just $20, though… right, jessicunt? they won’t come with torches. the internet is inflammable because it is coated in mandarin oranges.

  18. are there no ill side effects, or just no ill side effects associated with the product YET? it seems to me that if someone knew there were ill side effects, but also knew they weren’t documented yet, but they still wanted to make $20, they would make the honest claim that an association between the product and ill side effects does not as of yet exist in the public domain. if i was confident that ill side effects didn’t exist, i would make the much more powerful claim that the product has no ill side effects. associations is fun to say though. god, i love smoking.

  19. what is the bodies natural response to nicotine? can the change of a quantum system to outside stimulus be measured and compared? hold on, let me use my transporter and beam to the nearest Z class planet and ask someone.

  20. jessicunt, aren’t you worried about suggesting to smokers that there is no need to quit cold turkey? if there is no need to quit, why is there a need for your product? actually, the surgeon general would suggest there IS a need to quit. smoking will KILL you. you NEED to stop. you will DIE. jessicunt says you don’t have to… makes me wonder how jessicunt really feels about you.

  21. and that US NIHA report you referenced was related to acupunctures effect on knee osteoarthritis…. SUPPPPER close to gold earings that make you stop wanting to light plant material on fire and fill your lungs with the resulting gases. if only i could stop smoking these expensive knee braces… it’s costing me 100s a month. of DOLLARS.

  22. “smokers have the option to decrease or eliminate smoking while wearing the magnets during those days..”….. wait… if they still have the option then what did the product do? i thought the product effected the ability to act on that option… does it not do that? does it not do anything? will the gold coating eventually wear off over an infinite time frame? i’d really like to use those magnets on the fridge… i have some pictures i’d like to put up, and they were taken in goldy gold land, so a gold magnet is like almost JUST what i need. smoke break.

  23. get the facts! zerosmoke may do something! before you do ANYTHING, GET. THE. FACTS. the products sold at zerosmoke.org MAY DO SOMETHING. that is an undeniable fact. know that fact. know that fact FIRST. before you know the fact that the bio-products sold at zerosmoke.org may not do anything KNOW THE FACT THAT THEY MAY DO SOMETHING. you NEED to know that FACT. you DO NOT need to quit. WARNING: do not buy zerosmoke.ORG products if you do not really want to quit. that may be silly… because then you’re walking around with shit stuck on your face. shit that might not even maybe be doing something.

  24. hey jessica, i recently tried lasers to quit smoking. it didn’t work. do you have anything else i could try? more powerful lasers maybe? magnets? no no… not like for the fridge. special magents. i only have 2 $10 bills…. so $10 would be great, but if it costs $20 i could probably swing that. i gotta go smoke. god i hate smoking… i wish i had the option to not do it. sigh.

  25. wow… 6 ratings for your product on amazon… all but 1 received the lowest rating… then “smokefree susie” gave it the highest rating and helpfully included the zerosmoke marketing pitch. i wasn’t skeptical at all until i read this

    Raymond A. Flournoy says:

    “It is so obvious that this post is from someone who works for the zerosmoke company that it is laughable.”

    could it be true? could a company making and distributing medical devices pretend to be their own customer on the internet specifically to sway would be customers from believing the flood of negative opinion? if it was, that would make me sad. so sad i would want to slowly end my life through the build-up on lung tar. i’m just glad cigarettes are sold over- the- counter. all good things are.

  26. i want to stop smoking. how to stop smoking. i want to quit smoking. how to quit smoking. stop-smoking. quit-smoking. stop smoking aid. fda approved means the magnetism is REAL!

  27. thomas tilden. i made that name up. i’m gonna see if there is a tomas tilden out there who will come to whazzmaster and post. thomas tilden. tom tilden

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