Holy Fuck I Hate Charter Communications

When last we talked about the subject, I hated Charter because they turned off my internet access for a week and then told me it was my fault. I hated them a bit more in the early summer when the ‘introductory rate’ on my cable/phone/internet package expired and my bills went from $110 to $140+ per month. We luckily escaped the phone/internet Charter hellhole when our apartment building installed in-unit internet access jacks. They contracted with a local ISP that had some kick-ass rates: $250/year for internet and $250/year for phone service (including all-you-can-eat long distance.)

All this to say that I now only have to pay charter $54.99/month for the most basic cable possible. No DVR, no HD, no premium channels. I keep wishing that I could get DirecTV and not have to deal with the most hellish company put on god’s green earth. Actually, I really wish that I could just fucking pay for the 5 channels I that I ever watch (NBC, FOX, ESPN, Cartoon Network, and Spike TV).

It’s not only Charter fucking dumbfuck customer service, or the fact that they charge you many times more than compeititors for the same product AND dumbfuck customer service. As some of you may know, the Big Ten Network recently launched, which by contract carries some of the football games. You woulda thunk that the first priority for the BIG TEN NETWORK would be to get contracts in all of the cities or towns where a FUCKING BIG TEN SCHOOL IS. Big Ten Network knows this, but Charter “Fucking” Communications didn’t like the price so told them to fuck off. What that means: I can’t watch the Wisconsin/Ohio State game this weekend because it will be Big Ten Network-only. That ain’t the punchline, though. I happened to read the Daily Cardinal yesterday and they had a quote from dumbfuck central: Charter Communications:

Charter Communications, Madison-area cable provider, has tried to negotiate the network as part of its line-up, but no deal has been reached since the network’s launch in August.

“Our position is that we are more than willing to carry the network, but due to the high cost of the network, we cannot put it on expanded basic where it goes to everyone and have everyone’s bills impacted by it,” said John Miller, a Charter spokesperson.

According to Miller, BTN ranks as the third highest costing service on Charter’s lineup, which he said might be the reason Time-Warner and Comcast also do not have contracts with BTN.

Mike Vest, media relations manager for BTN, said there are currently more than 30 million households that receive BTN.

“We have more than 150 distribution agreements with cable providers, plus DirectTV and DISH Network,” Vest said via e-mail, stressing these agreements are evidence that BTN is willing to negotiate and “strike a deal.”

HERE’S the punchline: I got a letter from Charter Communications today and it reads, “Charter is committed to providing you greater value – with enhanced programming, more choices, and superior quality for your entertainment services. The following price adjustments reflect the increased value of these services and will take effect on December 1, 2007.”

You motherfucking shitheels.

I will now be charged $59.99 for the most basic cable package. No DVR, no HD, no premium channels. The fucking asshole-eating fuckwad rimjob motherfuckers want me to pay $5 more per month for exactly nothing. Oh! Thanks a lot for adding MTV3 to my cable lineup! It’s really expanding my fucking entertainment value, you giant pieces of shit.

Eat shit and die, Charter Communications. You’re dead to me.

80 thoughts on “Holy Fuck I Hate Charter Communications

  1. is lara a spamming computer or a living breathing human being? if you are alive lara, i apologize for the above. the new atmosphere album is called “when life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold.” i don’t know if it’s out yet but it’s a good title no?

  2. almost love cal. did you just get up too? another stupid perfect day here. did you know people are dying in the midwest?

  3. lara, it’s cool if you don’t show them… either way. you probably don’t want to… maybe you have reasons, maybe you don’t… but it’s totally cool. they sure would distract me from the evil corporations for a little bit. it’s cool though. come to think of it, charter communications isn’t that bad. they are ok. i am completely undistracted. charter is a strong word… like a declaring something really really important. like charter is way important. more important than your boobs. way more. how could i have been so wrong? lara, how could you be so right? are you there lara? hold me?

  4. what happened to consuming something after it is given to you? is the title a knock at veneerism or an endorsement? what is slug’s favorite condiment? ketchup? horseradish? grey poupon? what about his favorite spice? what is slug’s favorite flavor or crystal light? does he buy his crystal light in powder concentrate or liquid form? does he buy lemonade flavored crystal light? can i get that new album on vinyl? is it gold? oh, that’s cool… it’s just that tech n9ne is dropping red vinyl, and it would be cool if yours was gold considering the title, but black is still how they normally run it on the streets i suppose. the minneapolis streets. where lemons might be given to you. bring paint.


  6. Oh no! not the buuundllle! My neighbor bundled Charter, so now everytime they go out, she has no phone, no internet, and no TV…

    Also charter breaks crap and says it was us too. And today i descovered that they change our internal router password, so we can’t make a server that does… anything.

    They’re very unreliable. Their commercials make me laugh. “Fastest, and most reliable”? MY F***ING A**!!!

    Ah, but that’s not all, in the area we live in, Charter is the only.. internet.. we can get…

    Yesterday, i wondered, “why has no one bought out Charter yet?”. Then i realized, “why WOULD someone buy a business that people wonder how hasn’t been destroyed with homemade explosives, and raped by little furry animals.

    Just last week, they came to our house because we called them. After attempting to diagnose the problem, they practically told us, “we have absolutely no idea what’s goin’ on”.
    I’m pretty sure that if someone tells you that, then like a 4 year old says “well, it’s probably your stuff because my toys (computers, servers, etc.) are the best! 😛 ” then they probably shouldn’t be working on your stuff.

    So there is my conclusion on Charter Communications… Summed up; they blow. Don’t waste any time with them. They never get the job done.


  7. i’ve grown to sort of like charter


    i have 100 Mbps internet… that’s insane. it works. it has gone down twice in a year and only for an hour or so each time. each time i got a $10 credit on my bill after calling and complaining.

    also, i have HD like whoa

  8. i also hate charter enough to google “i hate charter” which led me to this post. charter sucks all around and i wish they would just not be a thing anymore. it’s bullshit that in my area charter is the only internet provider. free market my ass. i hate charter. i hate charter!

  9. this is most certainly a free market…. you are free to participate in government auctions to buy space on telephone poles to run your own wires to every house in your city, and negotiate broadcasting rights with 100s of different channels, and then deal with deadbeat customers and bounced checks and all the other accounting issues that come with recurring billing to thousands and thousands and tens of thousands of homes.

    so, why don’t you do it?

    because you’re a pussy.


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  11. They are the fucking most retarded “internet” company ever. And I use that in quotations because that’s exactly what they don’t provide you with. For the last almost 2 and a half month straight my internet shuts off for hours a day for no reason what so ever. Sometimes for just a few minutes sometimes up to 10+ hours a day. It’s the most frustrating ordeal I have ever had. Charter should be sued for ripping people off. Not only that but I constantly hear they are “working on” the internet but it never completely gets fixed. I would unserstand it going off every now and then. But not every fucking day for hours on end that’s just ridiculous. “Get charter it’s smarter” Yeah no, quite the other way around. All and all fuck you charter. I am sick of your bullshit.

  12. yooooo joe!

    we had hours of phone talks about my internet and they insisted it was fine. finally we cancelled and the disconnection dude solved the mystery– it was connected wrong. too little, too late.

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  15. Piece of crap Charter mail won’t work. I am on the road trying to get my mail and the green log in button is dead. This kind of crap is ongoing…

  16. Charter is allowed to commit Legalized Robery. They can charge just about anything they want to.
    They come up with a new way at least once a year. I am now paying them $140.00 a month and they want me to pay for a Damn box for each of my old TV’s Fuck Charter! I hate you Bastards!

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