So I was thinking about writing a single post about all the shitty things I’ve encountered recently, and I wanted to shorten it. Hmm, “shitty things”, “shitthings”, “shittings”. Shittings? Fuckin’ Rich Hall and his sniglets. I decided to abandon that tract and just list things that have annoyed me lately. I call it, Getting-Back-To-My-Blogging-Roots-ism.
In no particular order:
- I was reading Newsweek on the plane this morning and there was an article about how America’s relatively recent love affair with ‘anit-bacterial’ shit may not be good for us in the long run. Partly because of the old saw that it will create ‘superbugs’, but most of the article detailed how much good bacteria there is in our bodies, and declaring Total War on them would not be good for our health. Things were going along fine until it said that some bacteria in the stomach may actually be responsible for food cravings. In particular, on study found that a certain strain of microbe was responsible for desiring chocolate. Interesting. And what esteemed institute released the study? The Nestlé Research Center. Motherfucker, Newsweek, you’re now regurgitating research from a candy company? You got that follow-up study on the respiratory benefits of Crunch Bars versus Swedish Fish? Idiots.
- The Kansas City International airport can go to hell. Each gate ‘area’ includes from three to five gates, and each has its own security area. So when you switch planes at this hellhole you get off the plane, leave the gate, walk down a hallway, and go through the entire ridiculous sham of ‘security’ again before boarding your connecting flight. And until recently, there were no restrooms in the gate areas. So to go to the bathroom you to end up going through security again. Ugh. Just ugh.
- I don’t want to see Bee Movie and Jerry Seinfeld can go to hell. His dumbfuck show wasn’t funny either; it was a bunch of assholes being assholes to humanity. I can see why America fell in love with it.
- I don’t like it when people who aren’t me use my username. You, sir, are trading on my good reputation as a consternated, bitter man.
Still got an hour before this delayed Midwest Airlines flight boards here in fabulous and sophisticated Kansas City. I’ll amuse myself by watching the horde of people in Favre jerseys getting off the flights and running for the exit, their portly bodies and green-n-gold beaded necklaces swaying hypnotically. God save any KC native standing between an invading Packers fan and a bucket of hot wings. Or chili cheese fries. The end.