Foggy Madison plus Bonus Charter Hate

My trip to California for business and MacWorld has not gotten off to a good start.

The following was the mail I sent my group mailing list this morning:

Hi everyone—

I’m Zach Moneypenny. You may remember me from such projects as File & Pay, and The Winner of That One Halloween Contest. Well, thanks to (AL Gore’s ominous voice and accompanying Nobel Prize-winning PowerPoint slide deck) GLOBAL WARMING, in the last two days Wisconsin has experienced 55 degree temperatures, thunderstorms, tornados, and layer of dense fog kinda like San Francisco, except it never ‘burns off’.

The ‘punchline,’ as it were: My flight to California yesterday was canceled (along with all others), rebooked for this morning, whereupon it was again canceled (along with all others), and I was rebooked to tomorrow (Wednesday). When asked what I was supposed to do to get to Cali-for-nye-yae for business they offered me a cart, two oxen, and team of 5 stout men to forge a new overland route. I politely declined, as I can technically attend meetings via The Webernet.

Tomorrow morning I’ll make a saving throw vs. weather and see if I can board a mystical flying boat that will get me to my destination: Kansas City, WHICH FROM WHERE I will depart for all points San Francisco.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Midwest Airlines is not on my Happy-With list right now (betcha didn’t know I have one of those). I was supposed to be in Mountain View at noon on Monday. Here we are 4pm on Tuesday and I’m still in my miserable living room. I thought we lived in two thousand fucking eight, where marvels of modern science whisked you among the clouds except, apparently, when those clouds are very low to the ground.

So, if all goes well (it won’t) I’ll be in SFO at 11am on Wednesday, until next Wednesday the 16th. HOLLLLAR at a player if you see him on the streets (or in an airport bar).

Fucking Charter Fucking Communications Can Fuck Themselves

I know. I know. I. Know. Why would I get back into bed with the ass-raping fucknuts after what happened last time? All I wanted was HDTV so I could see the Green Bay playoff games on the fancy-pants TV that I’ve had forever now. They asked if I wanted a DVR for only a few more dollars a month. “OK, fine.” When the guy came to hook it up, he crammed the Tivo-sized unit into a small shelf in my entertainment center. “Is it going to work in there?” I asked, “Because I can move things around a bit.” He assured me that it would be no problem.

After two days the least surprising thing in the universe happened: there was a problem. The unit overheated, blew a gasket, shut down, and hasn’t restarted since. We weren’t able to watch the weekend playoff games, and when we called for someone to come exchange it the earliest was Tuesday (today). They asked us to be here between 5 and 7pm.

I think you all know how this goes. Second (or fucking 7th, I’ve lost track at this point) same as the first…

Friday [Ed note: it was Tuesday this time] comes and goes, no one ever shows up or calls (MISSED SERVICE CALL 1). I would later be told that someone came to my house but I wasn’t there. Funny, I work from home; I was there all fucking day. My cell phone has this feature where I know if someone called. No one called.

Fuck. Charter. Communications. Why in the Fuck can’t Madison have more than one fucking cable company; preferably one that does its motherfucking job without fucking people over with substandard equipment, fucking awful pricing, and motherfucking asshole shitfuck twat-faced cock-sucking cunt-sucking shit-eating motherfucking shitheel ‘customer service.’ Oh, and could we please get a goddamned motherfucking company that shows the football and basketball games of the team from the major college of the town and state in which they fucking operate? Fucking. Assholes.

68 thoughts on “Foggy Madison plus Bonus Charter Hate

  1. i’m glad you reenerated it. i saw that silver legacy commercial featuring “sindbad” and the blue man group… whazzman questioned the spelling, but i didn’t see it at the time. how do you book fucking sinbad and then run cable ads throughout norcal for weeks and weeks and spell the dudes name wrong?! WHO ARE THE ADVERTISING GENIUSES BEHIND THIS?!

  2. yo thumbs, i agree on fatherhood. i thought it would be a garbage show from the start… then i saw “fer schnitzel”, thought it was clever, watched the family struggle in a foreign land, watch snoop build and execute relationships in true character, and everyone EVERYONE leaves happier. it was good. then i see like 50 times now “snoop hangs out with david beckham” or something so uncreatively void of “kicking it”. it’s snoop and his kids playing with david beckham and it’s dumb. i don’t watch the rest. no punny title + overpaid broken spotlight fiending gay brit footballers is not entertainment on any level. you can’t complain whats on tv though when you have a money script on the desk. BT, homie. buy some film.

  3. open a cuttlefish pet store = you’re the richest person in the world.

    richer than cal after he starts lawyerin HARD.

  4. just sign up for community freedom gill… reserve a time slot online and pick up your gill at one of 3 neighborhood locations.

    snoops father hood is on again for the 80th time… they only have 2 episodes i think… that really is ridiculous. the episode is “Snoop It Like Beckham”. pfffffffffft. laaaaame.

  5. thanks bg! i just came here to report that i saw on the morning news that 1st and san fernando in san jeezy burned down “total loss”!! i hope the B&Geezy and cinnebar are ok.

  6. Happy Birthday! i got a mystery how about Cal and Madd… Mystery Under the Big Top! watch out for that Boa Constrictor Madd! jump through the fire hoop cal! ha ha! Cal and Madd… Mystery of the many “D’s”… an adventure INSIDE cal’s GPA! Cal and Madd… Ride in the Trunk

  7. we went uut for a baller dinner and stopped offf here to check in with work and drop off the lft overs an dget more boozed. cal, if you’re around we’ll be out tonight somewhere… probably with boobs.

    HOLEEERLRER. it.

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