First Annual Crooked Lake Ice Fishing Derby

Fun weekend up near Oxford, Wisconsin. Springer invited us up for an experimental run at an ice fishing weekend on Crooked Lake (full picture gallery here) where his family has a summer place (double-wide with all the trimmings). Lawman, wwhazz, and I hit it up for ice fishing, drankin, and gambling. Upon arrival we got right to baiting and fishing. Thirty minutes in lawman had already hauled in a bass (though it would prove to be the first and last fish caught that day.)

First (And Only) Catch of the Day
Catch of the Day

The saddest thing you’ve ever seen is a bootless whazzmaster in sneakers navigating the 4 inches of slush on top of the foot of ice. I held out against the cold for about 2-3 hours, and then as the temperatures fell in the afternoon I had to retire to the trailer for heat and food. It probably went from high 20s to 20 below from 3:00p to 8:00p. On a mid-afternoon jaunt into town for bloody marys we stopped at the local TruValue hardware store where I procured heavy duty boots and new wool socks, and wwhazz brokered a deal for 3/8″ slingshot ammo. I had the horsradishest-bloody mary of all time, which perked me up since I was still hungover from a Friday Night Intuit Essen Haus Extravadanza.

We returned from town ready to cook dinner and watch the Badgers drop one to Purdue at home. As our 15 pounds of purchased perch burbled away in the turkey deep-fryer manned by two stout fellows, wwhazz, lawman, springer, and I took turns shooting beer cans with the wristrocket and BB gun.

Outdoor cooking
Outdoor Cookin’

Shootin cans
Beer Can Bingo

Throughout the evening I backed the house in a rousing game of blackjack. I am nothing if not efficient in my dealing; HOLLLARIT Joe’s Casino, got any openings? As we drifted on to sleep well past midnight the wind howled and temperatures dipped even further south. Morning saw us bright-eyed, bushy tailed, and eating a Magmuffin at Maggie May’s Cafe. It was goddamned delicious, and I recommend it without hesitation or reserve.

Thanks for the weekend Springer; I will take you up on a summer getaway back to Crooked Lake for more fishing, booze, campfires, firearms, and bloody marys. And Foxtails.

90 thoughts on “First Annual Crooked Lake Ice Fishing Derby

  1. Shoulda went with the baby doll.

    Cal, what is up with baseball? Can Brian play? What about dinger league? I say you put up the prize this year. And it better be good, like a toy helicopter or a magic t-shirt or a free will. Is frenchy banned for sucking or should we let him in?

    Also, how come your friend never paid me for football? Do I need a lawman?

  2. cal, do you think the clouds will be gone for the lunar eclipse tonight? last one until december 2010!

  3. yo i’ll bother that jerk about the football winnings. i hope big b can play along with us i’ll let you know. skeez rain tomorrow.

  4. that’s cool. our place has 10′ ceilings. if these things even remotely work and don’t instantly break, whazzmans has to buy some. otherwise you’d be the guy living in the rose bowl who didn’t own a football.

    the heretofore uncombined next step (on the commercial side): better range on the controller, multiple angle remote video. then up to 16 channels. then “tools”, like a magnet on the bottom to capture an enemy flag, with a release mechanism. with sensing flag stands that alert everyone when the game is won. then after all of that, make them bigger for better control as things get windier. then an optional “anti-crash” mode that will detect other helicopters, and take over control to not allow them to crash. program separate moves based on relative position that will expect the other plane to make the move it would make if it was in their situation. avoid situations which would create circular reference. buy a strip mall location and a vending machine. get rich.

    i’ll call it “mega fly”

    investors, please direct inquires to my legal council cal.

  5. fucking *7* days to ship that shit here. UPS ground New Jersey to San Francisco… that should be 5 days. i bet it’s you midwesterners and all your fucking snow. why don’t you melt it? if you had a nuclear reactor you’d have energy left to sell as well as millions of gallons of boiling water and steam which you could pipe through the city streets to keep their temperature above freezing. keeping the substrate at a constant temperature would also eliminate contracting and expanding which is the main cause of cracks and potholes. to balance society, all crack and pothole repair crews will be taught how to run a nuclear plant, and safely pipe the bi-product through the city. then, take city lawyers that used to decide which bids to accept to fix the cracks and potholes, and make them learn how to fix cracks in the new pipes. call the system “sentricity”.

    inquires to cal.

  6. wait… actually maybe TRYING to create circular reference is the best way to avoid a crash… if it truly goes on forever, they could not have crashed.

  7. cal, i need some legal clarification… i’m watching cops, and these dudes go on myspace, pretend they are a 13 year old girl, tell the dude to go somewhere and then arrest him. chris matthews isn’t that creative. anyways, they charge these dudes with “attempted lude act to a child”. those laws were created to protect children, but where is the child victim? the police set up a sting to exploit a law that grants harsher penalties in light of a child victim, but there is no victim… even if all the evidence says that had there been a will participant present, a lude act would be performed…. but there wasn’t, and there wasn’t. can you break it down for me? cops shouldn’t be doing this… i would be a ton more ok with it if the cops had warrentless taps on everyones internet and actually intervened in a real situation and came in and arrested the old person and detained the young person to hopefully be taught a lesson. when it’s all made up, but you still claim he was going to statutory rape someone that only exists in fantasy land… that just isn’t right.

  8. like if a cop went online and was like, “i’m suffering from cancer. i need someone to come kill me. i’ve tried to commit suicide many many times, but can’t do it. the pain is overwhelming. please help me end the pain.” and then someone shows up… could you charge them with attempted murder? shouldn’t the cops be pretending to be the older people and then meet the young people to teach them? what if this guy was actually doing just that? like he was showing them how easy it was and that they are putting themselves at risk. but then you show up and poof jail.

  9. i want to drive from new york to la, and eat nothing but french toast. i’d call the journey coast to coast french toast.

  10. what if you were a preacher and went on the streets and asked a question to people passing by “would you like to buy some drugs?”… and then if they say yes, you give them a speil about how they need to respect god or whatever bs… could that person be charged with intent to distribute even though no drugs ever existed? does a question like “would you like to buy some drugs” imply that you will fulfill that service if the person responds positively? these assumptions of implication are far reaching and certainly not beyond the scope of doubt. fucking cops. i hate cops and mormons and north koreans.

  11. Come on cal, answer the question.

    Mdd, you going to film your trip for a TV show or just do it and not tell anyone? (except us)

  12. uh. I don’t know. sorry, i can tell you what constitutes a battery though. intentional harmful or offensive contact. does that help? maybe sean will know. like, if you threw your french toast at wwwhazz’s face and it hit his face and it stuck then that would be a battery. if you missed him because he ducked then it would be assult because he had apprehension of the flying french toast, but if he didn’t even see the french toast that you threw, and he had just bent down to pick up his mini chopper, and because of this move the french toast missed him completely – then that would be nothing.

  13. what if i chucked the frech toast through a door from 20′ away… i couldn’t hear wwhazz coming, but right as the toast reached the door, then like a person walking into a doorframe, wwhazz walked into the doorframe and BOOOOOF! toastface. is that battery? i didn’t know he was going to talk by the door… i was throwing the toast into a garbage can in the next room… or at least trying to until i was rudely blocked. can i sue him for toast battery? what about toast buttering?

  14. wow, seriously though the last thing would be nothing? like if i shot at a deaf person, trying to kill them, and they slipped and i missed them, and they got up and didn’t know anything happened, but someone else saw it all, but never told them… is it still not a crime? that is dumb.

  15. I think an accidental hit would be reckless endangerment. But that’s just what I think the term means. Cal, do you powder your face and wear a white wig when you are in class? Is it still raining? I had poached eggs for breakfast, but my mind was on french toast? Maybe lunch, I said to myself. Maybe lunch.

  16. logical law always leaves vast loopholes surrounding suicidal maniacs. what if i was just out chucking toast (so pretty much any day ever) and wwhazz see’s my toast, apprehension is kicking it, and he move’s his face towards the toast that wouldn’t have hit him otherwise. is that still battery? dude is just a nutcase… i didn’t mean to hit him… he walked in front of my mid-air toast on purpose. don’t taze me bro

  17. what about the computer salesman who enabled the would-be predator? perhaps there should be a waiting list for computer purchase to limit their liability and the risk to all the imaginary victims that might get not met. can you propose new laws in law school? can you propose to greg in law school?

  18. whoa it’s an explosion of posting. but here’s the thing. i don’t really know any of this stuff so where is the LAWMAN when we need him. help us lawman!

    but that thing about chucking toast just randomly… you can’t do that. it’s called “general” intent rather than specific intent… but it’s still intent… you INTENDED to throw the toast… so you are toast. it’s like if you just start spinning your arms and moving around and you’re like: if you come near me it’s your fault i don’t want to hit you but if you get hit what can i do about it? that’s general intent…

    but yeah… if wwhaz just happens to duck and you miss it’s nothing. that said i haven’t taken crim law… it’s probably a crime, but it’s not a tort!

    um something else i can’t remember. oh yeah we read a case about a guy who shot at a wolf and then it turned out to be another guys dog. and then the shooter guy was liable for the cost of the dog or whatever… and the shooter guy was like wait- i thought it was a wolf… i INTENDED to shoot a wolf. but the thing is it doesn’t matter — because he INTENDED to SHOOT.. so if he kills your dog he is liable. or something. how boring.

  19. what if you have a gun. you really really want to shoot it, but stupid people are in the way everywhere… so you try your best to find an open spot. you indend to shoot an open spot, but then the suicidal maniacs sense a spot where you could shoot, so they jump in the way right before you shoot. he specifically intended to NOT shoot them… and did it the best that he could, but the crazy people expected him to do it the best he could, so they got what they wanted instead: fat tort. it’s like spinning around, saying your please and thank yous, avoiding people like you would when you’re normally walking down the street, but they are running AT you… if your arms didn’t hurt them, they might even hurt you with the contact. in fact they might hurt your arms more than you hurt their skull. law is dumb.

  20. cal, in office, how would you address the current abortion situation? right now women outnumber men MORE THAN 2 TO 1 in abortions. as a gender, we can do better than that. as men.

  21. in under seige, right after george bush gave and address at the decommissioning of the missouri, when steven segal says, “look at the money they are spending on this photo opportunity”… is he being sarcastic? it seemed like a dumb thing to say.

  22. true… but he was more a soldier forced to be a cook because he punched out his old commander. and he always said “lowly cook”… did he really believe that? he seemed to care about his cooking an awful lot. locked in a freezer he told his capturer to take his pies out of the oven, but he could have just wanted to prevent a fire. he was obviously good at being a cook, there is a market for cooks, so why say “lowly”? again, sarcasm or a man full of himself? is there a difference? under seige… thanks for the truly realistic exploration of the elite soldier forced to a be a chef. later seinfeld would make a show about making a show about a man hit by a car driven by another man who would be forced to be his butler. you did it best segal. and you did it with busey in a dress. you see those, segal? WE. HAVE. SHELLS. FOR. THOSE.


  23. and even still… “look at the money they are spending on this photo opportunity” doesn’t imply anything. you can’t figure it out by looking at it. maybe there is a stage in town that is permanently set up that way, so it cost next to nothing. he must think that looking at it will be worth while to me. if he doesn’t, he is a person that would waste peoples time, and being a person that wastes people’s time through the implication of others wasting money, then he’s a moronic dick. so if it’s worthwhile, why? why not say “worthless photo opportunity” then? or “stupid photo opportunity” or “gay ass photo opportunity”. WHY, STEVEN?! WHY LOOK AT THE MONEY BEING SPENT? i mean, it IS a photo opportunity… IT’S THE PRESIDENT! GEORGE BUSH!

  24. my choppers come tomorrow. so excited. i remember, as a kid, some kid on my block had this toy chopper on a tether to a controller that would just make the thing go up or down. i was impressed. i’ve been waiting 20 years for that toy to mature.

  25. cal, do you ever notice that this city can be ridiculously quiet? i’ll be walking down a busy street and hear the person a block up breathing. it seems to happen quite often, and i’ve never really noticed it anywhere else. how can so many people be so close to each other, and out and doing things, and be so quiet? are you quiet?

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