What was I talking about? Bluegill? Fuck that– s’all about TROUT now, holmes.  Two weeks ago Lawman and I went out to Salmo Pond and I hooked some bass while he brought in three nice trout.  He even gave me one to take home and cook and it was delicious.  I can’t wait to go out there again.

This weekend wasn’t it, though, as Spacebee and I went on another World Tour from Madison down to Aurora, IL and then back up to Racine for a Memorial Day Cookout & Beer Pong Spectacular.  That was fun games day/brat patty fest.  And speaking of brats, we also hit Brat Fest over at the Alliant Energy Center on Saturday.  Every year that thing gets a little more extravagent– this year they had carnival rides, two music stages, a gigantic condiment tent, and KAYAK RIDES.  Dollar fifty brats ain’t bad neither.

On the way home from Racine we stopped at Potowatami so Spacebee could turn in her silver key for a “chance to win” $100,000.  I’m quoting it because it’s stretching things like plastic man with his dick stuck in his zipper to say that that fucking travesty is even a contest.  In this “contest” they will announce a $1,000 winner every day at 8am and 8pm from now until June 19th.  The catch: you not only have to present to win the $1000, but you have to check in within SEVEN MINUTES or they will pick a new name.  Now, let’s just say you manage to sprint from wherever you are in the casino to where you have to check in.  You get your 1K, and then you get to pick from 3 magical fucking treasure chests.  One of them has a golden ticket, which gets you an entrance to the Grand Prize drawing.  Of course, you also must be present to win the $100,000 grand prize.  I don’t know, but presume, that you must claim it within 13 seconds if you are announced as the winner.  Of course, this is the same brand of Not-A-Contest Contest that we have seen so much from the Milwaukee Brewers (often in league with the very same sham casino).  Example: “If Dave Bush throws a no-hitter and the runs add up to 21 and JJ Hardy hits for the cycle in the 10th inning one lucky fan wins a $100 gift certificate to Dream Dance!”  Fuck you, Potowatami Bingo & Casino.

So, the Brewers suck this year.  I’m really, really leaning on the fact that they play 5 out of every 4 games on the goddamned road so far this year while the Cubs whup on Pitssburgh at home seemingly every other game, but who knows at this point.  The pitching rotation is a certified mess, the pen is already shitty, and up and down the lineup dudes can’t buy a hit.  That’s not a winning formula.  And now Melvin is picking up any old broke-dick dog free agent with a 102.7 ERA which should be a terrific solution to the woes.  I say someone coat a tack with roids and put it on Gagne’s clubhouse chair.  Or something.  I’m not even sure at this point.

Next week we’re camping up in Door County so I’ll be indisposed.  Either it will be a fun trip or I’ll be buried alive in a terrifying avalanche of spiders.  The former brings untold riches of stories and anecdotes; the latter brings horrific death and this story holding the front page in perpetuity.  Seeya, cowboy.

40 thoughts on “RAHHR!

  1. Pinned a flower to my floppy brown hat and took greg to Sex and the City. I’d have much preferred an egg salad sandwich, but it can’t all be about me. Can it? CAN IT?

  2. Deep Thought: All those assholes who used to sell car stereos and cell phones graduated to selling mortgages in 2004.

  3. and all the mortgage slangers of 2008 will be setting up fake companies in 2012 and defrauding investors with giovanni ribisi. they must be stopped. jails will not hold them.

  4. And the George Web workers will be slanging beef: the burger run hit, get your meat on.

    ps I love you

  5. Fake cal twas I, but I bet he did see Sex and the City just not with greg. About the floppy brown hat and the flower, I aint sure, but I’m wazzing from the Peet’s at Sundance and the bitches are lined up for the next showing and the weird hats are out in force.

  6. Deep Thought: When playing the computer in Carcasonne, it often “hornswaggles in.”

  7. 1. It was nice to see the Brewers stomp someone flat for a change– even better that it was a sweep. Better still that it was the Astros.
    2. Fuckin’ Cubs.
    3. The worst part about the mortgage slangers is that they won’t go to jail or anything. They’ll be selling Apocalypse Insurance and driving tricked-out hover cars long after we’re gone.
    4. I don’t like MLB2K7 for the Sexbox 360– why do I need to be able to control the direction and length of the batter’s dick hang? Give me one fucking button to do shit, not this 27 button, Zangief Spinning Piledriver combo horseshit. It took me 30 minutes to figure out how to throw a pitch that didn’t result in a home run. Kinda like Dave Bush– har, har.

  8. Jeepers, wouldja check out that guy’s poop? He’s suckin on poop again! Yo Sceizzer– where’s that hot cut of “Space Dockin'”?

  9. It’s late in Wisconsin– not so much in California and (DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMM) Seattle.

  10. i can’t get the right opening setup for it yet… “blast off” seems too cliche, orbit get’s me rhyming with norbit, and then i do a whole eddie murphy bit about coming to america and billie ray valentine and song loses complete focus of the art of making a seal so tight between a butthole and a vagina that poop could effectively be transfered. also i haven’t casted the stereotype for the woman yet… i thought about talking about her sari, and then actually being sorry for filling her uterus up with poop, but that didn’t seem geniune. i need some help.

  11. casted is when you cast in the 3rd dimension of the pasted tense. y’all don’t know.

  12. you ain’t paid no taxes, check the pressure on the gases
    your pussy where my ass is, about to transfer masses
    i know you leakin by yo queefin, but you need to get to keepin
    all that poop inside, so my couch ain’t ruified

  13. Deep Thought: When the compiler succeeds and the linker fails, you are in deep doodoo butter.

  14. Anyone know where we could find some 8oz butane fuel cartridges? In Madison? We leave for camping in two days so it’s unlikely I have time to order from someplace online. I kinda assumed it would be easy to find, but apparently it isn’t.

  15. Looked online, but the thing we need looks kind of like a spray paint can. All the butane that REI carries is the fat prtable canisters for ultra-portable stoves. I have no idear where my father acquired this ancient camping stove with its seemingly proprietary interface. Maybe I’ll just buy a fucking propane one.

  16. twitter is dumb. the functionality for the exact same “data” existed with blogs and rss feeds of condensed posts. the external javascript call opens up whazzmaster to cross site scripting attacks and annoyingly delays the page load. you should load your own javascript that calls the twitter javascript, or set up a cron job or callback function from twitter to cache the twitter sidebar in a local file that can just be dumped to output. the 1 update, 2 records / delete 1, delete both problem is obviously a single threaded system that was hastily made to work as a distributed system to meet capacity demands, but they didn’t think it out at all. i see it all the time… what good is a system is it’s responsive but corrupts your data? it’s WORSE than being slow or unresponsive. infinitely worse.

  17. i looked online for the butane refills and everyone that sells them are fancy cookware type places. i’d go to the mall and go to the fancy cookware store with all the pepper grinders and knife racks and cast iron pans that come with seasoning instructions.

  18. i can’t wait for the physics rant about the new bullet twisting movie! TORT TORT TORT!#%*()&!#

  19. 1. Can’t argue with your argument about the twitter shit. I like the idear of a cron job– I’ll rig up a little somethin’ somethin’ when I get back from camping.
    2. I plan on sending stacy out inot the world tomorrow to try to hunt down some butane cartidges. Specifically I need this (in fact, the stove in that picture is the exact one I have on my office floor).
    3. Whoa, Bill Hall wants to be traded!

  20. that was ME on libby hoeler’s phone
    #3, return of the dild-O

    you just wait on this bullet twisting… angie pitt would have you believe that thrusting your gun while shooting has tactiCAL applications above and beyond looking bad ass while you wax someone on the streetz.

  21. I have a two-burner campstove that runs on coleman fuel if you want to borrow that. It’s old, but it works very well.

  22. Moneypenny…try a restaurant supply store for the fuel you are looking for…it looks like the same canister used for omelete stations.

  23. Yo scientist– let me know if that’s better for you, performance-wise. It reads from the Twitter API hourly now and updates a local file that I include on the sidebar. If twitter is down (as it so often is) then the include file should just be a little stale. We’ll see if it works, I guess– wrote the updater in Ruby.

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