Moo hoo ha ha

Ol’ Sheetsie is hurt again, and since they found it before Texas ratified his contract, the Brewers get stuck paying for the surgery and rehab.  Thanks a ton, Sheets, don’t let the door break a piece of your ass off on the way out.  At some point in his career he will fracture his dick, I guarantee it.

131 thoughts on “Moo hoo ha ha

  1. tried my best for the 25,000,0000,000th hand. had 16 tables going. hit hand 25,000,000,030. so fucking close. winner of the hand got $100,000 and 5 $10k live tourney buy ins, and the rest split $100,000.

    it ended up hitting a hi/low table, so the winner of the low pot split the $100k, and they both got the 5 $10k buy ins. it was a 6 handed table, but one of the dudes had just joined the table and had “wait for big blind checked” so they had the table frozen and he was already celebrating and saying how it was a “blessing from the sky” and other nonsense… then 10 min later they run the hand and he doesn’t get dealt in. fucking moron. POST YOUR 50 CENT BLIND = $25k min. dude did save the 50 cents though… so 3 people got $33,333.33 each and 2 got $50,000 and 5 live tourney buy ins around the world including airfare and hotel.

    30 fucking hands off.

    blah.

  2. and the server fucked up and auto-folded one of the dudes hand instantly when it restarted (they didn’t pause the player timers when they paused the table, so when they unpaused his timer was out… fucking morons), and he ended up having the best hand, so the ruling was they would treat the hand like all the players had gone all in pre-flop. he got lucky there… but all the players disconnected at least once during the hand because of so many people watching it. pokerstars has horrible network engineers. HORRIBLE.

  3. I’m surprised you chased this. What were your odds? How many tables go at a time? 30K? Strikes me as a “pfffffftttt!” kind of thing. Pretty crazy you got as close as 30 though.

  4. MILWAUKEE — The official estimate remains 4-6 weeks, but Brewers infielder Bill Hall believes he will return much more quickly from a dong injury.

    Hall suffered a partial tear to his left wang muscle during a private conditioning session on Thursday. He was strapped with resistance bands for sprint drills, and at first thought one of the rubber bands had snapped and hit the back of his leg.

    Instead, he was injured, and an MRI scan on Friday morning revealed the tear. But Hall said on Sunday that the injury to the muscle was less significant than originally thought, and he met with head athletic trainer Roger Caplinger to develop a plan for rehabilitation.

    “Once the muscle released and stopped being tense, it was [much better],” Hall said. “I’m walking on my own now with no trouble. Two days ago, I felt like I needed crutches.”

    Still, Hall will proceed with some caution. In 2007, Hall severely sprained his right ankle while playing center field at Pittsburgh, and was expected to miss about six weeks. Instead he returned in about 2 1/2 weeks and paid a price, slumping to a .185 average in August with only five home runs in the final two months of the season.

    He won’t attempt a comeback this time until he’s medically ready.

  5. they were giving away tons of money to every 1,000,000 and i tried to win all of those too… the prize was based on the table stakes and your VIP status, but for what i was playing i would get $1250 for winning the hand or $350 for just being at the table. i hit one of them before i even knew about the promotion, so i folded my hand and only got the $350. every time i’d try i’d get at least one table to within 1000, so i’d say my odds were better than 1:1000. they did it for 150 million hands and i never hit again, and 30 off was the closest i ever got after hitting.

  6. I saw a bald eagle on the way to work today– homeboy was buzzing a Culvers in Edgerton. A sign claims it’s the “world’s largest culvers.” I have no way to confirm. One time I saw a squirrel eat a french fry. Back in San Diego, I parked cars with a dude whose pug was carried off by an owl, but the pug was too heavy; the fall broke his spine. What did you see today, cal? A bald hobo? I think your lungs need a detox. Come on out to WI and eat some butter burgers and watch the eagles fly.

  7. Latest. Up. Ever. this is like the skeez catching the sunrise. on a full nights sleep i mean. this is like breathing water and walking on the ceiling. oh what a feeling… dancing on the ceiling… yo i got that album (cassette tape of course) for a girl in my class who had a birthday party. i attended and brought along the lionel richie’s dancing on the ceiling as a gift. it was in no way a “gag” gift either. back to me and the skeezer. skeezer: you complete me. sweet mother of mercy i wish this paper was done. somebody put me out of my misery. dancing on the ceiling. #1 whazzer. bald eagles – bull shit. i got the GOOD STORIES. all about lionel richie and grade school…. and telling good legal stories about the skeezer and his crew. if the skeezer had a crew who would they be? there would be one jock guy, all races would be accounted for. probably one girl who is in his crew too. i would be like a guest on the show from time wait, now it’s a show, crap. whatever. i’m so tired. i’m so tired. i’m so tired. wtf, i can’t drink any coffee either. oh by the way that cleanse is over. it was good. i cheated a little. so what! i mostly did it. anyway i can’t drink coffee because if i do i will be all crazed out and jittery and NEVER get to sleeep. at least this way i’ll sleep a little. shit i got nothing left. here is my plan: i will work for one more hour and do what i can. then it will be 2:00 here. ok then sleep til 6:30 and work on it until 10:00 when it is due. wish me luck friend, i love you.

  8. for a practiced runner you sure can be dumb concerning multi-variable dynamic systems. would your legs help you move forward if you didn’t use your quadriceps and sartoris and triceps surae and peroneus longus and tibialis anterior and biceps femoris and your skinny white boy gluteus (tensor fasciae latae) all in perfect harmony? i fucking DOUBT it. so why THE FUCK would you think the answer to your problems is JUST coffee.

    fucking THINK.

    you need tylenol PM too. or cocaine.

  9. Back when we were 12, I gave lawman a subscription to Mad Magazine and a handmade card: “Happy Bar Mitzvah” in pen and Alfred E. Newman floating on an ice berg, an image cut from my own Mad. There’s only one D, people, no need to annunciate. Cal probably read Cracked. I did too, but mostly for the boobs.

    Now Lawman and I are gay married and the government is trying to take away our son, moneypenny. DO NOT DIVORCE HIS DADDIES. I carried him in my large intestine for nine months before pooping him out behind a big rock. All three of us have beards and we are best of friends. I rank the beards whazzmaster, lawman, me. Whazzman’s is real thick like grizzly bear fur. Lawman’s is a Lincoln/Hassidic Jew hybrid. Mine–the bronze– is a scraggly Charlie beard that I’m thinking about flipping into a reverse shark mouth. Now answer us, cal: Love? Marriage? Greg in a baby carriage? Did she have a beard? Is she a “friend” on your myspace?

  10. dude i had to cancel the myspace, after i lost interest in lily allen it just didn’t have meaning for me. plus i ain’t got time. i have time for only three things online:

    1) email
    2) whazzmaster
    3) fantasy baseball (seasonal)
    4) waiting for ibrama ba to pay me back
    5) googling myslef and reading that broken light column (sweet!)

    “but… but…. you said THREE things…” SCREW YOU!

  11. hey my dentist told me that the number one tooth decayer in his opionion is ORANGE JUICE. who knew? he says the acid and sugar wreck shop on your teeth. i’m eating an organge now and i thought of that and i like to post everything i think here. so if you’re going to drink the orange juice, be sure to brush, homie. or at least drink some water or something don’t just let it sit there. floss!

  12. according to the dateline nbc special on white trash mountain men i saw last week, the #1 tooth decayer is mountain dew. more acid. more sugar.

  13. why not just have a spin-off league where you are REQUIRED to take steroids. i’d rather to go to those games anyways.

  14. So what’s up cal? Watch the video? How many stars? VASALINE AND WATER IS SLIPPERY. DONT HOLD THE SHORTS. WATCH THE BACK OF THE HEAD, GEORGE. What BS.
    I hope timmer is cheesed. He bet $60 on Penn str8 up when $60 woulda paid like $120 or so. In timmer’s defense, he was drunk on everclear and applesauce. I bet $20 SOBER. I am dumb. I also lost $5 on another match that’s going to get called a no contest cuz of a drug suspension. Freaking Karo “the heat” Parisian tested positive for hydrocodone, hydromorphone and oxymorphone. Seems like an interesting cocktail for sleeping, not fighting though.
    I wonder what happens in Vegas if a match gets called a no contest because of a failed drug test or cheating. Google could probably answer that for me, but I’d rather hear madd simply guess or hear what lawman THINKS should happen. Come on lawman. Drop some knowledge on us. I know you are eating crackers in your office right now.

  15. UFC 95 is free on Spike this Saturday. Shitty card though. Joe Stevenson vs Diego Sanchez is the only good fight, but is that really a main event? Still, I hope whazzmaster tivos it for me 🙂

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