The Wildcat Formation

Today’s science lesson: the Wildcat Formation.  I’ll be shamelessly using Wikipedia as my primary source for this paper; it’s the baddest source I ever saw (like Michael Jackson’s Bad or George Thorogood’s Bad to the Bone, not bad bad.)

The Wildcat Formation is a “variation on the single-wing formation,” used in high school and college football for years but currently showing well in the NFL as well.  It is heralded most directly by a direct snap to the running back.

One reason that the formation is so effective is that

the rushing play is 11-on-11 (although different variations have the running back hand off or throw the football). In a standard football formation, when the quarterback stands watching, the offense operates 10-on-11 basis. The motion also presents the defense with an immediate threat to the outside that it must respect no matter what the offense decides to do with the football.

The Miami Dolphins have had considerable success using the Wildcat, and even teams that don’t run it themselves admit that they have to spend extra time preparing the defensive plan to counter.

Check this page of search results for more videos describing and showing the formation in the wild.

Now onto other news… this piece of goddamned fucking nonsense has officially replaced Daniel Hinkel (he bought me a drink at the Karaoke Kid; not a bad fellow) in the pantheon of Stupid Shit Written for a College Newspaper (2009 Edition).  So in the interest of being added to yet another Enemies List somewhere in a Langdon St. efficiency, I give you Motherfucking (I Am Not Kidding) Erin Kay Van Pay:

According to Dr. Michael Farken of California’s Santa Barbara Regional Psychiatric Hospital, “Peen-Face” is a temporary physical condition that comes to fruition upon photographing a subject without their knowledge. It has serious consequences for the reputation of the victim. Peen-Face occurs when the subject’s mouth is open so far wide and in such a manner that it appears that a “peen” has either just been inside the cavity or is about to penetrate it. As the number of pic and run incidents increases, the number of Peen-Face cases increase s proportionally. Victims are typically in the background of the photograph talking, eating or playing beer pong. Lewd comments almost always follow the posting of pictures that contain this ailment.

Texas A&M freshman Sam D., 18, was shocked to find that moments after his buddy tagged a picture of him at a house party in which he had moderate Peen-Face, seven comments from three friends were posted accusing Sam of homosexuality. “My friends now think I’m gay. I was on the phone when [the picture] was taken… with my girlfriend.” Adds Sam, “Peen-Face has ruined my relationship and my life.”

Daily Cardinal: if that is supposed to be an attempt at humor, then you have failed spectacularly.  You now have XPAC Heat. I hate writing GET-OFF-MY-LAWN opinions about college idiots, but when you write something so spectacularly stupid that it will probably used as a punchline in the next Funny/Stupid/Epic/Action Movie in the franchise (punctuated by someone’s dick getting exposed/hit/falling off or a fart that blow dries someone’s hair/smells/causes an explosion) it stimulates my Old Man Ganglia and I start shaking my fist at no one in particular.  Stop.  Just stop. Please.

46 thoughts on “The Wildcat Formation

  1. haha peen face. long e. like penis. it’s like a penis would fit because your mouth has room.

    now i have something to call that.. hahahaha. peen face. ya’ll got some peen face.

  2. the new ipod nanos have a camera in them capable of recording video and then capturing the peeniest frames.

    we are living in a new world.

    NwO.

    xpac vs heel hogan.

    …. FIGHT!

  3. 6 months of emails to doylesroom: fruitless.
    1 day posting facts on his blog: fools called me first thing in the morning, funds back in my accounts, and a supposed check on the way via ups or fedex he is claiming i might have by tomorrow.

    if he’s lying that would be ultimate dick move… but for now i have to assume he is doing what i have forced him to do.

    i pretty much wrote a book over there.

  4. doyle had his lackeys on the thread threatening me with “malicious harassment”, “extortion”, “defamation” and “tortious interference”.

    good luck with that, assholes. i will CRUSH you.

  5. cal, you got that diploma yet? i can be your first big client like my cousin vinny, but it will be my friend cal.

    cal: doyle, did you steal from my client
    doyle: you could say that
    cal: i did say that. would *you* say that?

    BURRRRRRRRRRRN^#(*&!#^)(*&

    CAL FTW

  6. me cho, me have new suitcase
    me see yo moderate puss face

    HOLY CHRIST… FUCKING JEENIOUS(!#*^&)*^#& PEEN INSTEAD OF PENIS, BUT THEN WHEN WE NEED AN MINIMIZING ADJECTIVE TO ATTACH, LETS USE A LONG 3 LETTER ONE WITH SOME CADENCE WE CAN PLAY OFF OF!

    SO IRONIC! A 3 SYLLABLE MINIMIZING ADJECTIVE! MORE LIKE MAXIMIZING FUNNY!

    MODERATE!

    YOU AIN’T ALL THE WAY PEEN…… YET!G)(#^&!)#(^&!#)^&(!#^)(&!#^)(&!#^)&(!^#*()$@&*()@$&)*(UUSR

  7. early rape in the tourney. i am sad.

    AA2K vs A2T9… pot raise and pot re-raise preflop. KQ3 flop, check check. J turn… check check. 2 river, he bets 600 half pot, i call. nice hit jackass.

    next hand… NEXT hand, i have AA38, donkey that doubled up on first hand by riving 6 out boat raises, i re-raise pot. flop AK2. shove it in, and he was raising with the good 345. poof the 4 comes early on the turn, and the board doesn’t pair river, and i’m out with 1000+ fools still fucking clicking buttons and being stupid cause they are still playing and i’m not and they suck.

  8. i said nothing the entire tournament other than when i immediately sat down…

    “all ladies”
    “what are the chances?”

    they let registration go for 60 minutes after tourney starts now, so they do the first break 30 min in… which is super retarded… but that point like 20+ hands in i went through my hands and saw i had only got an ace 3 times… and those 3 didn’t have a card above a J or below a 8. i was thinking about complaining in the chat, but i didn’t. the very first hand 1 dude raises big, and someone else re-raises big and the first guy puts in 3rd big raise and is called… flop 298 with 2 clubs. the fist raiser who pretty obviously has AA with a good low (might have been counterfeited, but AA3 or AA23 is still money)… bets the pot which is like 1400. guy i’ve never seen before who eventually busted me puts in the all in 5k each raises which is immediately called. all in pot on 1st hand. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. so first guy as advertised has the AA36 with the A6 of clubs for a nut club draw, low draw with counterfeit protection, and working aces. and for my eventual assassin: A28T… he has bottom 2 pair… no low, and a few runner runner straight draws.

    TURN: BRICK. offsuit K. 3 more outs to the guy that has all my sympathy in the world… all in hand #1, and you were right all the way, but currently behind and only 1 card to come, but you got turbo spread… HIM ME!

    RIVER: 2. and my guy is up to 10k on hand 1. i ran mine up to 5500 by the break even though i had weak hands… i just play 2346 better than most people. then first 4 hands after the break i have monsters every hand… AA33, A23Q, AA2K, AA38… it’s like pokerstars was reading me thinking about complaining about not getting any aces and just locking me in a closet and making me smoke the whole carton.

    the first one had some action before me… limps and raises and i think 1 guy might have called the raise… i pot it and take it down. the next one i actually folded thinking i would never fold this in a normal tourney, but really i would, but maybe not in a turbo… but i was just sure i was up against and AA and a A2 and maybe both… and even though i had A23Q it was cheap enough to fold with the 3 way all in imminent. i was sort of mad about how weak the fold seemed…. A23Q is what i’m waiting for… had Q2c too… they turn up, A2KK and AA3J… wow i’m smart i’m thinking (remember what happens in the next 2 hands… yeah, i’m sitting here thinking i’m so smart for folding A23Q preflop).

    so the next one, again a raise, i pot it again to 420, i don’t care if they fold or call or raise. they call. sweet. but the danger board… the KQ flop… early position pot raiser that doesn’t re-raise when you re-pot him… that can be a lot of KK and QQ or AJT hands as well as A246, AA9T, or random dumb shit like 358J double suited, but probably not.. he had 3400 left and would have to put 420 in… and because he raised from such early position i gave him credit. there were 2 spades on the flop too and i didn’t have any. so again i’m thinking, how can you not pot it here??? YOU ARE PLAYING SO DUMB AND NOT HOW YOU NORMALLY PLAY!#%@$ but again, the situation was different and i concluded it was right to go check check to keep the pot small and hope the board pairs or i pick up a low draw on the turn… anything else if he bets i might fold. turn J… extra scary card… now those 9T, and AT and JJ24 and AKJ are now ahead when i had them on the flop… but i can still beat those A244 hands. that’s it. river i have decided i’m calling whatever he bets… probably beat, but he has a strong reason to bluff, and because i kept pot small it would be no bigger than 17-19% of my stack. i think he bet about 14-15%. he had nut spades too, so i lost the minimum unless you think i can fold river. well, lost minimum, but still pissed, now i’m down to like 3800 and feel like homo when i was just buying EVERYTHING a the BB&B just last week. but wow… i’m been complaining and 3 great hands… could have been worse… would have been quartered in that other one if i called with the A23Q… so i eventually concluded that i’m a genious and bound for glory, and WOW AA AGAIN! WEEEEEE. and the donk is giving me action! he was up to 17k, then back to 13k. he is going to double me up. right here. i know it. puts me back a cool 7750… way above average. i knew this guy would make me rich. pot pot pot, eventually get like 1400 in preflop and he makes the call. BOOM. hit that ace, and my emergency low is live… only really worried about 34 calling and chopping. A345 might be in, but i doubt it… way to weak for the 3rd pot sized raise… gotta have that A2 or AA, or A3 with big pair… this fucker had 3458 and hit his dream flop… which considering my action he has to realized i had his outs, but whatever, they still come giving me top set and committed to the hand with the live low and now flush draw… he raises all in… i have the best hand RIGHT NOW, and will always have lots of nut outs on the turn, so of course i’m still thinking ship it unless he has 34 or 35 and hits chop. he flips and needs the 3, 4, 5… i have a 3 so there are 2 left, and 3 each of the 4 and 5. 8 outs. and even if he hits the 4 or 5 i can hit another 4 or 5 to chop the wheel or any pair the board to chop the high boat. fucking 4 on the river and i already know the board isn’t pairing, even though that draw of mine is much better than his draw that he just hit…

    board does not pair.

    closed the game and got back to work.

    erased the time i had marked on the fridge calendar.

  9. the news isn’t that he played, it’s that he won… men enter those all the time… so that author that says that the point of the artiCAL is that men are better than women is ignorant at best… but it’s certainly what the sexist organizers deserve.

    the WSOP had a lot press about their womens event recently, but i forgot everything.

    same shit with “ladies drink free” nights at bars… dudes think they should get free booze too, and of course in the eyes of the law, they get it, but a bar that gives EVERYONE free booze isn’t going to stay open long and then everyone gets nothing. litigious assholes deserve to be stomped. the bar changed their night to “skirts night” where anyone in a skirt gets free drinks… but to a feminist, i’d think “skirts” would be borderline derogatory, but who cares. so of course dudes would come in wearing skirts, but then the bar tenders would stop everything when they asked for a drink, and attempt to humiliate them…. but really think if a guy who wants free booze so bad that he’ll wear a skirt in public cares if someone points and laughs at him?

    PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT.

  10. and didn’t pigskingangster forgot to pick week 1, and now it says “ARI” but with a line through it and red, and green bay already lost but those picks are still gray. so weak.

  11. after card player realized their inability to keep me and other players posting cashout problems quiet, they just shut off all comments for doyle’s blog…. i’m guessing by his request. i called them today and support hung up on me. i kept asking them over and over “ARE YOU LYING TO ME? YES OR NO?” and they’d start off babbling “sir… i will” and i’d cut them off “ARE YOU LYING TO ME? YES OR NO?”

    they wouldn’t say no.

    a computer called me from utah today giving me a tracking number for a package tomorrow, and i’m not expecting anything else, so that might be it. we’ll see if it clears or not though…

  12. yeah, about 10. pretty much every poker forum… usenet groups rec.gambling.poker, tilt and stars message boards… multitabling and filling the chat box… going to tables pros are playing at and filling their chat box… i think i might have been paid. we’ll see. have to wait for it to clear.

  13. and after that hope they don’t cal up and play lawyer with some extortion or defamation lawsuits… during the discovery period i’d do my best to put that old man in jail for life, and they know that… so prob nothing to worry about. either way he’s a dick.

  14. yahoo sports where clicking on “MAKE YOUR PICK” doesn’t let you make your pick… instead you have to click on “edit” on the other side of the screen.

    GENIOUS.

    fuck you yahoo.

  15. That’s how I play Tecmo Bowl: fuck kicking.

    I let whazzmaster talk me into a punt at the end of the beard game with cal and look where it got me.

  16. movin on upppppppppppp…. to the google north siiiiiiiiiiiiide…. to the number 1 position in the skkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyy-y-y-y-yyyyy-yyy-yyyy-y

    MOOOOOOO-O-OOO-OOOO-OOOOVIN-ON-UPPPPPPPP-P-PPPPP

    deluxe apartments and such.

    ERIN.
    KAY.
    VAN.
    PAY.

    ERIN KAY VAN PAY. suck a toe.

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