Happy Birthday, Whazzmaster

Can’t wait for the end of today– we’ll be Eye-oh-way bound and wwhazz told me about the hotel we’ll be staying in tonight.  I’ll titilate you with a patented TripAdvisor™ customer review:

Scary Place. Good location. My wife and I were here for our anniversary and the “Americas River” music festival. We were immediately taken back by the outside, old, like something out of “Taxi Driver”. The inside was the same way, not dirty, just Scary ? Like walking into 1972. Strange odor in the lobby like one of the older Vegas hotels…Baby Powder smell ? ? and these two native american manequins on the couch ? ? ? and a couple of “transient” residents hanging out in the small lobby area. Just very wierd. We checked in, and took the rickety elevator to our room. It was like walking into my grandmas house when I was a kid. The decor and furniture was very old, a carpeted bar ? The couch was like something I would have had as a hand me down in my 1st apartment (in 1981) it was really that old ! I really felt like I was in a scary movie Everything gave us an uneasy feeling. We never even disrupted the bed, we went downstairs to tell them we weren’t staying. The owner was in the lobby (also kinda strange) he told the clerk to refund the charge on our Visa. That never happened and we disputed the charge with the credit card co. The hotel is claiming a 48 hour cancellation policy. Don’t stay here unless you have no choice.

I repeat: I cannot wait to stay overnight in this establishment.  Here’s a rough draft of how I see the night proceeding:

  1. Check-in
  2. Inspect the “two native american manequins” for authenticity and traces of magic
  3. Take off my hoodie, put on long-sleeve shirt.
  4. Walk to the casino
  5. <– edited –>
  6. Dinner, preferably involving shrimp
  7. <– edited –>
  8. Return to the hotel dripping in bling (including one piece shaped inexplicably like the St. Louis Arch,) sporting a tattoo of Frank Norris and Annixter standing back-to-back buddy movie style and waving a .38 I got from a pawn shop.
  9. Take “two native american manequins” hostage
  10. Sleep
  11. Check-out, tipping my hat to the owner and asking him to please refund the charge on our Visa.

We’ll make revisions as necessary (can Scientist still fly in to Dubuque International Airport in time?) but I see no reason why we won’t leave as millionaires, nay, skrillionaires.  Ball small?! That’s how you get a herpe on your foot.  BALL and you’ll be sportin’ a skrillion dollar grill in no time.

7 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Whazzmaster

  1. We can also bowl the Cherry Lanes, maybe put some money on it: Me and lawman vs you and timmer. Or me and timmer vs you and lawman. or me and you vs lawman and timmer, but we get to toss bowling balls at them while they roll.

  2. i shit you not, i watched taxi driver last night. you are all going to die.

    i can not make it, i will be sitting on lava, drinking rum, eating a pig. my phone might work. T-EX-T me details that must not be forgotten. i will keep them safe. using the lave.

  3. Oh my god- the Canfield was terrific, my review will be forthcoming at my earliest convenience.

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