The Canfield: Epilogue

Real looking, eh?
Real looking, eh?

This weekend we’re heading up to Pittsville to an ol’ fashioned turkey hunt and (for those of us that don’t hunt or have guns) fun-time extraordinaire.  To tide the weary masses over until such a time as I have a picture of myself holding a dead turkey, I present you with a (stolen from Facebook) picture of the aforementioned Native American mannequins that reside in the lobby of The Canfield Hotel.  Their eternally unchanging countenance reflects the deathless quality of the establishment itself, or if you get off on antonyms, they illustrate the momentous changes of the region since the days the Sac people (led by Black Hawk) freely roamed the cliffs and valleys of now-northern Illinois/southwestern Wisconsin/northeastern Iowa.  Finally, if your proclivities run to the ‘hipster douchebag’ then you’ll be delighted to know that they are “fucking insane” and “not to be missed.”

Shouts to Kate for getting me this image via Spacebook.  See y’all this weekend.

39 thoughts on “The Canfield: Epilogue

  1. I’m working on an effigy of me.

    I’m going to make it humble by shooting it in the head (both) with lawman’s law bringing shotgun.

  2. just burned a hobo… from 60 feet away on the bridge back from the pier while he’s on the lower level….

    him: i don’t like you
    me: i can’t understand you
    him: i don’t like your dogs i don’t stutter
    me: maybe no stutter, but you’re slurring the shit out of everything
    him: i don’t like you
    me: you like telling people that… so you like AND don’t like things… wow.
    him: you are an idiot.
    me: i’m 3 idiots. your moms face is an idiot.
    him: i didn’t say one word to you!
    me: you said a few….

    he smirks to himself, fumbling his turn at parley… i caught him in his seemingly fool proof lie about the number of words he has literally spoken vs the amount he is implying he has spoken. he’s stumbling. weak. i must humble him…. i wait for him to compose himself and start make a sound. only then will my opportunity present itself… he is already dead.

    him: b…….

    i begin to jump as high as i can. i kick my legs and throw my arms all over the place monkey style and scream at the top of my lungs in a condescending tone : “I’M CRAZY TOO! I’M CRAZY TOO! I’M CRAZY TOO!”

    i own you hobo. you are NOTHING.

  3. Cal: do you wish with all your black heart that you were coming to Pittsville this weekend for the festivities?

    I’m going to Milwaukee tonight to see the live Michael and Michael Have Tour show with LosDogg and his lovely fiance. We will then spend the night with my sister, her beau, and their bouncy baby Levi. That is all.

  4. dogs did nothing… like i said, we are barely in shouting range wandering along when i hear some scream in my direction and i look over and he’s yelling at me.

    a few things i forgot: he had on a bright pink hoodie. i said “nice sweater, lady” and “just jump off, pussy”.

    2 things i helped him with there… and one would solve ALL his problems.

    i am HERO

  5. and in context, the day before a hobo starting running towards rach-o saying he was going to kill her and the dogs with a machine gun.

    so again, fuck you cal. fuck the homeless. i’ll kill you all.

  6. my favorite jeans are levis. levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com levis.com

  7. one time when I was with gmx, a homeless guy asked me for change right after I used an atm. I said, “no, sorry”. I noticed he was asking everyone in line for money. I told the guy that people who just used an atm only have 20’s or larger on them and probably aren’t going to give you that much. I told him he should hang out near a laundromat where people are going to have a bunch of quarters on them. He told me to fuck off. As we were walking away, gmx was like “did you just tell that guy how to be homeless”, and i was like “yeah, I guess I did”.

  8. those levis links will give you the ad every time. make sure and click it and eventually WM will own them.

  9. the machine gun hobo was scooped up by the coppers after rach-o dimed him out… maybe we got on some hobo rat list.

    maybe cal wants to help the hobos get the machine guns they would use to kill people?

    maybe after we help them all, the whole world can be as glorious as the YMCA / CVS pharmacy hobo mecca intersection in san fran?

    GLORIOUS!

  10. my vengeance factor is 10.

    leave me alone = i leave you alone 10 times as much

    spew hate at me and i will make you regret it

    i will CRUSH you

    help me, cal.

  11. dude was like 50, white (skin / hair), bald all the way back, but long on the sides… classy.

    basically carl from aquateen hunger force, wearing a pink hoodie tried to step to me while i’m strolling the pier with my lady.

    defend him again cal.

  12. dude that was a fake cal! i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate fake cal! you dicks didn’t even realize either… i hate you all

  13. who is the fake cal? it’s not me, the real cal… so who is it? some jerk lurker. jerk! yeah you! you smirking jerk lurker!

  14. 1) you bastard. low: seriously, eriously, caleriously, low.

    2) no dude, i am super glad i get to stay in the library all weekend instead of checking out the pitts. can you idiots beilive how long i’ve been in stupid school? can you imagine what kind of debt i’ve racked up? don’t bother it’s depressing even if it’s not yours. madd i’ve been in school ever since you lived here… hell, before you lived here.. seriously, sucky.

    3) fjdklajfkdlajfdlajfkdlajfdlkajfkdlaj

    4)levis

    5) i’m out of here

    6) good lord i want to be out of school it’s not even funny anyomore

    7) question: is arlo still running that bloggy blog blog? i’ll have to check in over there

    peace i’m out of here… check this out:

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2d12830728/a-very-terry-christmas

  15. the bart makes a stop in my backyard… walnut creek station. it’s crazy that this thing actually seems to work now… back in 2000 the bart was just a fairy tale excuse for all the seemingly go nowhere construction everywhere. now the fucker is zipping by every time i just forgot i lived next to a train.

    WALNUT CREEK STATION! WATCH YOUR DICKS@#)%(@#)^

  16. unless the first cal was the real cal and the new real cal is really the fake cal. or maybe there never was a real cal.

  17. The wagon leaves at 4:00. We will be traveling at a grueling pace with bare-bones rations. If I-39 is flooded, I suggest we caulk my Corolla and float it across.

  18. y’all done fucked up now… let 2 of the hardest mother fucking turkeys in the same mother fucking forest at the same mother fucking time……………………..

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