Thank You For Being A Friend

You’d have to think that this is a joke.  A bunch of jokesters got together and joked it up until they decided to make a fake website and put their joke out there for all the world to see.  It may be a joke! I don’t think it’s a joke. Ladies and gentlefops… The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals

So much good stuff in there.  Like:

The most unexpected segment of this show’s fanbase was America’s young men. In the 80s, these were boys too delicate for sports, too awkward for girls, too “artistic” for labor-intensive work and too flamboyant for peer acceptance in high school. With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.

Or how’s about:

Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility– the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”

All links and bolding are in the original.

Erm, I grew up in the 80s. I watched Golden Girls from time to time.  I never went to any cheesecake gay parties to watch it, though.  Sometimes I get to thinking about what would make some nut write an article like this.  I will still allow that it’s one enormous joke, but if it’s not then I believe this is simply a personal experience retold.  I mean, in the fantastical reaches of my perverted mind I couldn’t conceive of a party where a dozen “teens and twentysomethings” watched golden girls, partied hard to cheesecake and gabfests, and then had an orgy.

This is Daily Cardinal-level stupidity (speaking of which, we never heard back from Kay Van Pay!)  This is an outrage! Or it could still be the greatest joke ever played on a christian news site!  Not sure!

94 thoughts on “Thank You For Being A Friend

  1. Twenty years late and a wheat penny short. I still check every .25 that crosses my palm and the last time I found one was 8th grade. It’s getting rare to even see an eagle these days. Let’s check my pocket:

    Oh great, Indy. Nice race car.

    Hulk STILL rules.

  2. Wow, good luck for me.

    A while back I read an essay by Michael Chabon while I was waiting to get a hair cut. All this talk about coins got me thinking about my youth and that in turn got me thinking about the essay. Well, I hopped on my goggle horse to try and find it and scored a major jackpot.

    Dude abandoned his website a long time ago, but the essay I was after is one of two writings that he left: http://www.michaelchabon.com/Michael_Chabon/Home.html

    It’s under bonus track #2. It’s good, not great.

  3. awesome- i asked for dude’s new book for xmas but didn’t get it (screw you claus) good job i’ll read this when i get home tonight

  4. all of my silver certs were from my days counting down the till at the Q.

    fools would rather have meat on a bun than a piece of paper promising them an amount of a specific metal compound relative to current market prices ALL. ERINKAYVANPAYING. DAY.

    her name is a curse.

    i out hated you. you suck.

  5. yo cal, i got my movin papers for mid march… i’m probably rolling down to the S Jizzle this weekend to get drunk… i could dogleg that shit heavy A1 style through your trash heap if you want to kick it. my coach is luxurious. greg, and your other girlfriend, and his other girlfriend will all appreciate the luxuriousness. they will also appreciate that either the smallest person has chosen to lay across the 3 people in the back seat OR the largest person, not including me, because i’m driving and it’s my coach and all… well, he has to stay home. TOO BIG.

    i read your book in about 10 separate 10 minute sittings starting from random places. all exactly the same.

    perhaps like taking a dave matthews band cd and skipping to a random song…. I FUCKING GET IT)(&#@^)(!*#^)(*#^ HE LOVES BOOOOOOOOOZE()&#^)&(!#()&!^#)(* IF YOU’RE A MONKEY ON STRING???????????????????????????????

  6. WHOA WHOA WHOA… from the wall creezy it would be heavy C3…. fuck around A1 and end up in the drink MOTHER FUCKER

    YOU SUCK SO MCUH@$^()&!^#)_&*(!#^(_*

  7. DON’T YOU FUCKING BITE THAT FUCKING MAILMAN*)(#%&)*!#%)*&!~#%)(&#^!()_*!$()*!^#)&*(!#)&(!#^

  8. fun thing to do: jump around house like ninja so as to not disturb any neehabours adjaciento.

    es MUY GUAPO()@#!^&)(!#%*()!#%(*)!%#^*()_)~

    NO MORE CAPTAIN)(!#^&)(!#*%^()!%

  9. bosley hair loss solution is RELATIVELY simple.

    relative to WHAT)!&#%^(!#&^?!#^?!(&#^!#^?^?&/??O@^&*

  10. Are you out of Captain and ham and angry about it or tapping out from too much Captain and ham.

    He called your house a trash heap. HHAHAHAHHAhhahaaaa

  11. Moving papers? Moving to… madison? Yes! YESH!!!!!

    Cal, you should move here too. We can get your old bartender job back.

    Don’t stop believing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Let’s eat grandpa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Holler if you want to play poker tonight. I have like 40 bucks. We could form a low limit team and crush like HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and Zach GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWENNNNNN

  13. Now, now, brown cow. The funds are up to $49.

    My new favorite tournament is the $1 turbo rebuy. It gets about 2-3 K players and about a million rebuys. Super fun demolition derby poker for the first hour and then the midnight bell tolls and Star Trek starts.

  14. willa the genious beast just pulled off a genious stunt….

    rach-o just left, and she usually runs up to the window and stands up so she can see over the porch rim to watch rach walk to the car… sometimes she runs full speed up to it, like today… only today, the glass slider door was left open to let in the beautiful fresh 60 deg sunny air… so instead of being stopped by it she flys paws first out on the porch.

    it’s the reverse of the classic walking into a closed glass sliding door…

    genious.

  15. i got a video of her doing ninja gaiden wall walking jump kicks on Q… serious skillz.

    one time she threw a ninja star at me… i was all, “where did you get that?!”, and she VANISHED.

  16. Exciting fighting style. Parker is standard ground and pound. Effective, but boring.

    He weighs 27 pounds right now. Toy class cuts off at 25. I’m encouraging him to cut the 2 pounds and fight as a monster in the toy class, but he thinks he can move up to sporting. So stupid.

  17. trying to hustle corporations for free shit… my favorite hobby next to insulting them. when i get to do both i can’t help myself. just sent this to petsmart corporate:

    comment about n2n dog crate at:
    http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3674772

    i recently bought this crate, and after owning others like it, i am extremely pleased with it’s design and construction. so pleased, i want to replace the other crate i own, so i checked the website to you see if you still sell it instead of driving to the store… i just wanted to point out that you have the crate in the image is assembled wrong and incompletely.

    the crate features sliding and locking mechanisms to connect the top and bottom pieces securely, leaving a flush line on the inside with nothing to scrape the dog, and nothing on the outside for a dog to chew off, like other crates with folding locks flaps. in the crate in the picture the inside seam is not flush… the pieces were not connected properly, and do not demonstrate the quality design.

    the door locks are also unique… most crates require an awkward pinching motion… this crate has simple pull knobs at the top that leave the door flush on the outside. an angled metal bar on the bottom of the door locks around a plastic piece on the bottom piece of the crate to keep a dog from trying to burrow under the door. in the picture you have the door on backwards…

    another fail safe feature that also serves a functional purpose is the included velcro flaps with tie down ring. they further hold together the top and bottom of the crate, and provide tie down points for use while traveling. using an old flap lock crate, i had the bottom fall apart on me while moving it with a dog inside. i don’t want to allow that to happen again. the unique sliding locks and interlocking seams on the n2n crate make this almost impossible, but adding the velcro straps that go through both crate pieces, and seal tight, make me extremely confident it will never come apart. you failed to install them on the crate featured on the website.

    if you would provide me with another crate free of charge, (i could pick it up at the store #61 located at: 1700 Willow Pass Rd. Concord, CA 94520), i would be happy to set it up correctly and provide a professional quality picture with a clean white background for use on the petsmart.com website.

  18. i just know their webmaster is a jackass. they use jsp… only jackasses use jsp.

    fucking java script camelcase zealot jackasses. “productId”… fucking first letter lower case, then first letter of any word after that capitalized and nothing else…. MOTHER FUCKER FOR WHAT?

    productId… yeah… real usable.. and you saved that byte of data. genious. Id. what is your Drivers License Id Number? mother fucker… it’s an ID. if you like lowercase so much, as i assume you obviously do by forcing everyone to lowercase the first letter of the first and seemingly most important word of EVERY MOTHER FUCKING THING THEY DO@#^*(&()!#*^&)&(!#^ then wouldn’t “id” make more sense? want to save space, as i assume you obviously do by foregoing the use of the underscore word separation character, then wouldn’t “pid” make more sense? wouldn’t ANYTHING make more sense? processID, ProcessId, ProcessID, process_Id, Process_Id, Process_ID, pid, pID.

    fucking IDIOTS*()&@#^)&(!#^*(_)

  19. how about a nude post entitled: “countdown to total victory: the story of madddddddddddd’s spoon”

  20. there are very few times i wish i had a tv. this is one. football on the radio sucks. crappy cbs seems to have adopted A2K. bs. stream that shizzle you biznatches.

  21. You know it woulda been pretty tough to find some place that was playing the game, cla. Maybe NFL.com has a “find a sports bar” feature like wwe.com and ufc.com.

  22. i’m not gonna crazy john it up at some random bar you %@W#%$#@%$. 1:25:03 half marathon this morning! (bitches)

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