Put Some Stank On It

We’re headed towards cliff, my friends.  Always a terrifying experience to be aimed headlong over the edge, but when the cliff in question is of one’s own making it can make you question how you got here.  May the First ends some things and begins many; it will mark the triumphant end of No Booze April (lost 12 pounds), I’ll be jetting to San Franseezy For Sheezy to talk nonsense to a large gathering, it will officially be The Summer of Love, most weekends my activities will be preordained, Prince Fielder might hit a home run at some point, Joe’s Casino may open several times if any shambling hobos amass outside her doors, I’ll finish that Cah-razy 1949 Frank Norris book I stoled from wwhazz, my first attempt at programming a video game may get finished, and much, much more.

Wwhazz’s thoughts on my impending San Fran trip: wait outside the library and mug Cal when he emerges.  Like, not fake “hahaha!” mugging, but really push him on the ground and take his money.  Maybe cuff him on the side of the head if he doesn’t give up the goods.  “He’ll know it’s me!” I yelled.  “Not if you wear ladies pantyhose over your face,” he calmly replied.  I don’t think I’ll do it though: (1) he likely knows tai-chi or some other oddball marshal art that would render my attack ineffective (2) what if Greg is with him at the time (3) what would I rob him of? Forty cents, a MUNI pass, and his gilt-framed picture of Greg?  Not worth the trouble.  However Cal, if on the nights of May One, Two, or Three you wish to meet me at McTeague’s for a steam beer then I will assent.

I really, really wish I could have a little video camera that caught maddd’s reaction when he opened the MINI-CHIP set.  Did you think something was suspicious due to the small package size?  Did you think you were getting full size chips right up until you opened the case itself? At what exact point did you know you’d been played for a fool by Jokerstars?

I really, really wish I could attend both the Top Hat Guitar Hero Affaire and Wwhazz’s Ho-Chunk Adventure this weekend but alas I’ll be visiting my poor family a-way up in Door County.  I fondly imagine that the Top Hat Affaire will end with someone smashing the GH controller into the Fancy Booze Tray.

Here’s a Bachelor Party Update: date not confirmed but likely August 7th, cookout at wwhazz’s house including various lawn olympics (bags, ladder ball, washers), poker tournament to follow, Joe’s Casino to follow that, Thunder Road tourney to follow that, Air Hockey tourney maybe to follow that, bars to follow that stuff.  Put some Stank on it, friends– comin’ out! Watch your dicks!

52 thoughts on “Put Some Stank On It

  1. Somewhere there exists a complex equation that involves variables x, y, and z. Define x as your age (in years), y as the number of days per week you’re drunk, and z as the average number of hours your hangover lasts. This equation computes whether you have a drinking problem. I didn’t need a supercomputer to grind out the answer: yes.

  2. Brewers won 20-0? Some mf is angry. If they score 21 one lucky contestant wins Potowatomi, like the whole casino.

    Cal, do you know the total for this last series? 36-1. Suck on that. We winning the WS for sure.

  3. poker after dark has been hilarious this week. phil hellmuth and chris ferguson vs 4 qualifiers, one of which came from a charity event that was won by a 29 year old full time pro who won a world series bracelet in 2008, who seemingly gambled a bunch just to maybe get to play a winner take all 6 man turbo on tv vs phil hellmuth and chris ferguson and 3 other schmoes…

    so dude who can obviously win at tournament poker is tied for chipleader with 5 left… chris ferguson is a chump bitch and went out like a lady. it’s like 55k to 55k to 25 to 20 to 15 or some shit… 2 big leaders and then slide. phil hellmuth is all worked up and intimidated and talking all kinds of trash and this guy plays perfect 6 man turbo strategy. so he gets QQ on the button and the other big stack has 88… they get into a dick fight… get all in preflop… BOOM. 8 on the flop and dude is left with like 50 chips. then the torture begins and he wins like 5 all ins in a row to get back to have just over the big blind… he has A8 and goes all in, and gets called by AQ. then the flop AQ8… ridiculously coincidental torture… seeming rigged for Qs and 8s… then the turn: BOOM. 8. and phil folded the other 8 so it was a 1 outer. then river: BOOM. A. and the hero is out.

    then just now, the hero slayer called all in with 66 vs some other dudes 88, and now he just hit a 6 on the flop.

    JOW RIGGED JOKE()*#@^&)&(!#^

    NBC late night. check local schedules.

  4. helllllllo BROOKLYNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN what’s up dude! speaking of my muni pass greg’s and the mayor went and upped the damn price to 60 bucks, it’s hardly worth it to buy a pass now. jfalkfjda;fldajfkdla;jfd;akjfdsaklfdjsalkjd;ljfkslafjdsakljjkjkjkjfdkjfd

    friends and neighbors and whazzers i will hereby will graduate from my lawfully wedded law school on MAY 18TH. how do you like them apples? next up: summer spent studying for the bar. all of june, all of july GONE. POOF.

    MAY 3 works for me homie! i have a paper due at 5:O0 but will surely enjoy a steam beer and some polk gulch indian food after i turn that sucker in.

    maybe i can convince greg to come down off his high horse in city hall and join us. you too skeezer? come on back dear friend, enjoy a steam beer with your old pal cal!

    your old pal,

    cal

  5. while brainstorming mounting ideas for the labbs new trubalizer (excluding the loreful ceiling mount which is reserved for home owners and other such flauntingly responsible types). the minimalist in me just wanted a stable pole that the projector would sit atop, and be allowed it to tip and lock in place…. so i look around (it IS a labb afterall). BOOM. literally. a boom mic stand. take the BOOM off, and it’s a sturdy pole with a standardized tip. the trubalizer has a standarized camera tripod mount.

    oh world of worlds… is it possible you sell the standard to standard connector i desire with a locking 1-axis joint?

    THANK. YOU. CHINA. it is sold for people that have a lot of BOOM sitting around and want to mount cameras on them instead of a tripod.

    jokes on them. the trubalizer pretends to be a camera. “mount me”, it screams.

    and now the classic test of engineering philosophy… weight limit on the adapter: 6 pounds. weight of trubalizer: 6 pounds.

    who wrote the specs, geordi la forge or montgomery scott? well… beam me up a pile of no fucking clue. are we talking over 6 pounds = it will not work, or 6 pounds = guranteed no problem.

    a mystery is afoot. i tend to trust the chinese on shit like this… leveraging established standards.

    cal, if it doesn’t work, can i sue?

  6. end of the week poker after dark hilarious end too… ends up being the hero slayer vs phil hellmuth heads up… hellmuth has the guy 111k to 9k. nearly 12:1… right now the hero slayer is chipleader.

    he’s an angry german.

    delicious.

  7. THE RIOT! I’M RIOTING! SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

    Neuman (Cubs/Bears fan): Thanks suppan, davis, & bush
    Me: How’d your bears first round picks work out for the draft?
    Neuman: Low blow

  8. vodka redbulls ran me down last night. this time i puked out of a ford escape. gangster.

  9. 2010: booze wins. booze wins.

    fuck the cubs. fuck WGN and their HD unavailability on charter. fuck their broadcasting of the HD feed in SD with the WGN-HD logo… SHIT AIN’T HD, WGN. LIES)(!&@%^)&(^#@

  10. Sister Bay Bowl is one of the top five best spots on the planet. The first being, of course, my living room.

  11. Here is the story: he was in SF a few months ago and forgot that you live there. Shows where you stand.

  12. I spent last Friday whazzing around Reedsburg in a little red truck with Ewhazz.

    We ate hot dogs, played with a tree frog and then he had to leave to coach JV baseball.

  13. That stuff about SF is true. Maybe that will teach you what it feels like when you forget what city people live in.

  14. Pokerstars really screwed me on Sunday. Not ready to blame the jows cuz I suspect jesus played a roll in all this.

    Played the 3k player point turbo takedown and was set to win the 60K and an Audi (or at least 80 bucks for 5000th place.

    Doubled up when my 1010 miraculously held against 22.

    Dropped back to buy in when my AQ lost when 58 shoved on a 5A10 board and hit an 8.

    Fought back to a couple thousand over average when my AK lost when AQ shoved on a AA3 board and turned a Q.

    LAME

    I did win $30 at ho chunk though. Played 4-8 limit Omaha hi low. Pretty exciting stuff. It was a kill and the kill activated if you scooped a pot over $60. Killing made it 6-12.

  15. yeah, that’s becoming standard game… 4-8 with half kill. the high and low are considered separate pots, so if you win both, that is 2 in a row. KILL!*#)%!(#%&

    only problem is: with $4 rake+ and all the scooped pots, and the much slower play, the house is KILLING it more than anyone. propping + teaming = all of the old fuckers at the table.

  16. horrible fucking day. got the new $200 lamp for the trubalizer, shit still overheats and shuts down after 20 minutes… i try to take it apart to diagnose and i broke it.

    so now for my efforts to save $500 by finding a deal on a used item, i’m $500+ in with NOTHING to show for it.

    kill me now.

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