A Modern Tale

I’ve been playing Fallout: New Vegas a little lately.  A very little.  I grabbed a strategy guide when I picked up the game and there is a problem when, after 10 hours, I am not past page 3 of the main storyline.  The reasons I hate the game are encompassed neatly in a Short Story from my play yesterday.

I am on a main quest to find out who shot me in the head and left me in a shallow grave in nowheresville.  I stop at a giant fiberglass dinosaur to ask the sniper living in its mouth if he saw a guy in a 70s checkered sportcoat come through. He says he has! I probe for more info, but he says that before he tells me anything he wants me to do him a favor.

Apparently an old research station to the west is spouting out ghouls that wander in to town.  Dinosaur Sniper asks me to go clean up the facility and in exchange he’ll tell me about my friend in checkers.

Sighing, I make my way to the research facility where I am immediately beset by a pack of fast (FAST!) slavering, undead ghouls.  After murdering the monsters, I fight my way into the building where I am surprised to be addressed by an intercom on the wall.  I am instructed to make my way to the rear of the building to talk with a mysterious man.  On the way I keep getting ambushed by moaning zed-heads.

When I arrive at a locked-down section of the building, I am disheartened to meet the voice from the intercom.  It is a talking ghoul named Jason. He glows in the dark.  He is very friendly.  He apologizes for the members of his flock that have wandered into town, but they had gone crazy.  Him and his crack staff are holed up there because THERE ARE DEMONS IN HIS BASEMENT!

He asks if I would be so kind as to go down into the basement and clean out the demons.

Sighing again, louder this time, I go to the basement and turn on my night-vision.  I skulk around the basement for awhile and don’t see anything, until I burst right through a door on a demon having lunch. His name is Davidson.  He is friendly.  He starts talking to me about how the ghouls are evil and I’m being used in their plot.  He asks if I would help him…

I blew his fucking brains out on the basement floor, as well as two of his henchmen that tried to stop me in my grim task.   FUCK THIS GAME I WANT QUESTS TO RESOLVE NOT START AN INFINITE RECURSION!

Main quest > Side quest from main quest > Side quest from side quest from main quest > Side quest from side quest from side quest of main quest = Completely Stupid

Just play Borderlands instead. It is awesome.

274 thoughts on “A Modern Tale

  1. searching youtube for “golden tee replay” yields only 1200 results… at $5 a pop that is $6k… not that much. i wonder if upload speed is the bottleneck, and if that bottleneck was removed if they would still charge… how much did they have to invest to enable this feature? SELL ITS STOCK. BUY 2K MACHINES. EDDIE MURPHY, GUY FROM GHOST BUSTERS WITH THE DICK NOSE, OH RIGHT, DAN A…. ACK… AK…. ACKROID?

    YOU KILLED IT IN NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!

    IT’S THE SAME SONG!@#(*%&!#)(&!#^)

  2. i am doing the opposite with my whazz game… i’m practicing the thunder. i never really got it, but now i can add the 10-15 yards by slamming my palm into the ball. my only problem is 1 in 3 i screw it up and usually if thunder would help, a screw up is unplayable.

    also practicing spinning hooks…. watched some youtube videos… basically you pull back, but before you swing you get the ball spinning a ton perpendicular and supposedly that adds a lot more spin to hook shots.

  3. i always did my long shots by trying to strike the ball as low as possible and shape my hand and fingers and torque through the contact exponentially building force to spin the ball… but the sensors are looking for initial contact it seems, so it’s really about hitting the ball with force… generated force is also used, but initial force is calculated much earlier than i had thought.

  4. world champ steve sobe demonstrates… he calls it “hammer” shot… come down hard just behind top of the ball… i added 10-15 yards with this technique, but it destroys the palm.

    it’s like tom cruise in DAYS of THUNDER… stop burning out your tires… lets do 9 holes your way and 9 holes my way…. PUT STEVE SOBE IN THE WALL!#%(*^!#%(^*!#%&*(

  5. That’s how timmer drives. He gets power but I’ve seen him bruise his palm. Moneypenny thinks this drive wrecks the whazzball.

    My new world view is play soft and stay calm.

    What I need to work on: hitting it through tiny openings and bending it around trees.

  6. the spin of the ball interacts with the wind to create more change of direction… controlling the spin is the entire game… the second they added the backspin button, they might as well have added dials for backswing and forward swing with a “swing” button.

    when golden tee live! was released, golden tee died.

  7. you want the ball to reach critical spin right before it hits the ground… that is entirely dependent on wind. timmer is a master of this lost art. i am forced to respect him.

    cal sucks.

  8. blizzard outside… not going to madison tonight. i’ll be in raycilla saturday, and maybe stopping in madison on the way back on sunday if there is a whazz tournament.

    i’d be interested in a $5 bet on every stat… final score, fairways hit, eagles or better, number of putts… all $5 each. perhaps more.

  9. BG saved her NWE… probably playing that. also saved the PIT… also could play CLE… very strong style with a long term outlook… she’s been there before. obvious player to beat. i must respect her ability to survive.

    cal sucks.

  10. $405… good no call. i hate people that are like “if it’s worth $100 it’s worth $110… whatever i want it”. enough idiots like them and eventually we’re paying 200,000 yen for a stick of butter.

    BUTTER)*&(!#%*)&(!#%)*(!^#

  11. it would be smart of bg to play NWE or PIT and go for the guaranteed no tie win. lots of tough choices for everyone else.

    burning cleveland is a smart play too… smart enough to potentially all tie lose? YES YES YES YES

  12. tom delay: “The criminalization of politics undermines our very system”….

    you stay classy, tom delay.

  13. “if i were a criminal, then i couldn’t be a politician? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? I’M A POLITICIAN! i **CAN’T** be a criminal… WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!#^)(&#^ IT’S SIMPLE LOGIC)*(#&^)(&!#%^)(&#^”

  14. Cal must be so fucking pissed about scrolling this far down just to read about how pissed he is to scroll this far down.

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