1000th Stupid Thing No One Reads

The 1,000th Post
The 1,000th Post

I’m proud to announce that after 8 years, 3 months, and 12 days we’ve reached the 1,000th post to whazzmaster.com.  From its humble beginnings as a clearinghouse for my rants about tater tot packaging, to the towering heights when Old Man hung out talking trash with people he had never met, to its present-day state of sleepy sniping between the Madd Scientist and Cal, whazzmaster.com has endured.

Without this dumb thing I’d be completely unaware of the present state of theoretical economics, and I would never have seen Brock breakdancing nor would I have seen an online battle rap conducted over thousands of miles.

I started a website in 1997 (Chaos Central), turned it into a Perl-driven ‘blog’ (the word wasn’t invented yet) in 1999, and rewrote the whole thing using PHP in 2001.  When I had the opportunity to pick a domain name there was only one that occurred: I’m the master of whazz (courtesy of my then-newly purchased Golden Tee machine), hence whazzmaster.com.

I’m pleased as punch the way I was able to stay in contact with my Madison pals through this dumb thing, and I continue to marvel that more than one person (me) ever comes here and expends the energy to yell at people and post links to videos, pictures, and items for sale.

Thanks for a G of fun, here’s looking forward to 2012 when we get to celebrate whazzmaster.com’s 10 year anniversary.

159 thoughts on “1000th Stupid Thing No One Reads

  1. listed as “limited availability” at the target down the street… should i buy them out and send them home with your chauffeur?

  2. my expereince with limited availablility was that it equaled no availability. if wwhazz refuses to go to sun prairie i’ll call your target and possibly take u up on that offer. i’ll keep u posted. do you like the lights madd? wwhazz doesn’t get boners over special xmas lites but i do.

  3. actually, i think we have to exact same ones on the bush in the front yard… like 3 strings of them. we had them on the tree, but they clashed with other lights in the room, so we switched to colored lights that weren’t spheres.

  4. Zach came up with a great plan for friday: as soon as we get to Dubbs, we hit the casino and gamble. The results dictate where we eat dinner. Vegas Economy ™

    Make a quick score? Save me a seat at Champagne.

    Take a quick hit? Have Paul fire up his crazy wood burning hamburger machine.

    Take a devastating blow? Mark time until the free hotdogs at 3pm on Saturday.

  5. hmmmm it sounds like wwazz has visions of sugarplums dancing in his head. the cornfield adventure has him feeling fine: now is your chance. ask for anything you want! zero swears! zero anger! just OK. get a new dog (a real dog this time?) JAMAICA CRUISE. you are low-balling with these lights. THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. You know, after taking the time to review the case, I’m happy cal will not be along this weekend. He would have ruined it.

    I’d take greg though.

  7. Leave your troubles on the other side and cross the mighty mississip on a great iron bridge. Rushing waters, scream of an eagle. And then, you are there.
    Dut, dut, dutdut, dut, dut, daot.

    What can’t ya do?
    At the Canfield.
    Said, what can’t ya do?
    At the Canfield.

  8. Saw 5 bald eagles fly over the beltline on my way home from work.

    It means either really, really good luck or one of us six on the trip dies.

  9. Karma points up: on my way into target, I took an old ladies cart back to the cart holder for her. On my way to deliver the cart, I saw a different grandma set her purse on the ground to load her trunk. I had a feeling that she was going to forget it, so I watched for a bit and, yep, she got in her car and left it there. I ran back and knocked on her door and gave it back.

    Also, I had to go to a different target to pick up our x-mas cards. Awesome news: the cards say “ishing you a merry x-mas.”

    No w had both an effect and an affect on belly.

  10. Glad we didn’t bet: dude logged on and swatted an either -20 or -19 on rancho. He was driver putting for -21 or -22 on hole 18 but that didn’t work out. Still a fine round, above whatever expectations we would have bet.

    Or am I glad? The next two courses were tapped out.

    Best thing about Coconut? Quitting#$%%^&*&^&*T*!!

    And a quote from the session: “Sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get caught in the storm”

  11. 5 bald birds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Lucky or sign of doom?

    Helping old ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Karma pays me back this weekend or I’m an idiot for not just keeping the purse?

  12. the magic of the canfield has made a new man out of whwhzz. in christmassses past he would have:

    1) overturned the cart

    2) taken the purse – used lotto tickets! klenex! change!

    3) shot the birds

    4) declared that due to typo there will be no christmas in this house.


  13. nfl.com has the BG/CALzilla matchup as “beatdown” vs. “relative gimme”


  14. LAst I heard they were “stuck” at the casino and wwhazz was calling to get permission to gamble 100 more dollars. The storm was really bad so I’m sure they really were stuck…but I wish it was at the canfield instead. I’m wondering if they are going to be able to get home today in our little go cart. It’s a mess out there.

  15. We were in fact stuck at the casino! Trip report: we broke this city off ten ways from Sunday. News report: the metrodome roof collapsed. Consensus is that Bus Cook did it to get another day off for favre.

  16. i got home to a 5′ snow drift covering my entire driveway…. rachel was very correct in her freaking out. no exaggeration… 5′ of snow over the entire driveway, and it’s taller than me in the front where the plow came through and made shit worse. i wanted to buy a snow blower a month ago and rach-o shut me down hard. then i brought it up again a week later and was like “I AM GOING TO BUY A SNOWBLOWER” and another big fight about us not needing one. so now of course the entire town is sold out of them and we’re stuck. so we called a dude who will charges in 3 categories: under 5″, 5-10″, 10″+… 60″ = 10″+ SUCKER. he was supposed to show up last night… but said he’d come today if he couldn’t make it. he still hasn’t come. i’m guessing he saw the driveway and peaced out.

    so mad at my wife. we don’t need it?*()!#%&)!(#&!#)&(^!)*( R U JOKIN’ ME?()#&!%^)&(!#^*)(_!#^

  17. One lane was (sort of) plowed and the other was death ice. I spotted a driver in my rear view making a run on the death ice and wondered aloud, “what is this idiot doing.”
    Moments later a gigantic beard sailed past.

  18. i didn’t earn any comps at all… i fell into a couple drinks sitting behind you at blackjack but that’s it.

  19. fun memory: craps dealers at mystique in no uncertain terms: “you guys have made your mark”

    CHICKEN DICKS!!)(#&^*()_!#^

  20. More on that robot:

    “The machine can climb stairs, open doors, defuse bombs and deploy its water cannon like a 12-gauge shotgun.

    It can also, as evidenced by events that unfolded Friday on the shoulder of westbound I-94 near 19th St., approach two potentially dangerous suspects holed up in an SUV, transmit instructions from a hostage negotiator sitting safely in a nearby truck, and punch out the rear window of the suspects’ stolen car.”

    So it comes with a super soaker? Soooo disappointed. Can it plow a driveway?

  21. i left the canfield alone… as i entered the lobby through the stairwell, the lady behind the desk, whom we checked in with, looked over at me and slowly shook her head…. SIDEWAYS)!#(^!)#(^* NOT UP AND DOWN AS TO VALIDATE MY SWAGGER… she might have simply been discouraged that she would never be me, but i’m pretty sure she was hating. I DID NOT PAY FOR JUDGEMENT)(!&#*&^!#(%**^(%#)(%8675309eeeeeeeiiii-ine

  22. i saw a special on those robots… they didn’t even build their own… they just went to the police equivalent best buy and got one off the shelf. in the demo i saw it was breaking windows and dropping tear gas. first comes police state, then comes robot police state. REVOLT.

  23. yo cal, i said the same thing… rachel is freaking out like “I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ON MONDAY” and i’m like “worst case scenario i get home at midnight and i still have 8 hours to shovel… CALM DOWN” then i got home… it would take a lifetime to shovel. i know i have exaggerated about my 5 foot dick in the past, but there is seriously 5 feet of snow… the whole length. we have a row of pine trees and they served as a natural wind break to build a mountain of snow.

    also, i have a job with responsibilities… you wouldn’t understand.

  24. wait, cal has a job now i think… i apologize for the employment jab…

    i will attempt a more applicable insult in the near future.

  25. i picked my team, i picked my team!!! Go ________ ________!!!!! I can’t wait to see who cal picks. Yesterday I was a human snow blower and today my body feels like i really did get squashed by calzilla. does anyone care that only 10% of the world picked PIT to win and I was one of them and they not only won they crushed the bengals.

    did rach-ho get to stay home from work today cause of the five foot high snow bank?

  26. no, she overlooked the fact that my go-kart was already free.

    the bank was way over 5 feet… taller than me… look, i could not believe this on the phone either as there was only a few inches of snow on the ground, but eau claire got 19″ last night and somehow 3 times as much fell on our driveway… the entire thing… no drift, just a SOLID snow. 5 feet.

    rach-big-ho was expecting a package delivered… i told her there is no way any mailman is going to deliver it with no shoveled path to the door…. he just showed up… i thanked him a million times and he said “i shouldn’t have”. he really shouldn’t have. now i have to drop twankies for christmas. thank you nice mailman guy. UPS had dropped off a package for me like 30 seconds before… i didn’t get to thank him as he was already back in the truck before i got to the door…. so just as i sat down the doorbell rang again and i was like, what does that UPS guy want now? but it was the mail man… i think the mailman saw the UPS guy trudging to the door and didn’t want to get showed up.

    my order: gas for my airsoft guns… it used to be a gangster canister covered with images of hand guns and rifles. on amazon it showed the old canisters, what showed up was “green gas” covered with pictures of green leafs and marketed as “an excellent propellant for home tools”. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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