Scientist Breaks Off Diamond Jo
Scientist Breaks Off Diamond Jo

Hoo boy.  Dubuque, Iowa ain’t never seen the likes of us before. And they must be glad we left; we won a lot of money.  From Friday afternoon until Sunday morning the madd scientist, the lawman hisself, and I could not go near a craps table without BREAKING IT OFF.  We did it with points. We did it with come bets. We did it with hard ways.  We did it sober.  We did it drunk.  We did it while hungry and while groaning from the meals we had just eaten.  WE COULD NOT LOSE!  We also found a new gambling home in Dubuque. We had previously been faithful patrons of Diamond Jo’s;

The cap and trade system worked well for the hotel room, and on that note I have to again commend the Hotel Canfield for their affordable rates and gentle understanding about dudes playing loud heads-up poker at 5:30am.  We were able to get a suite and a second room for two nights each for a grand total of $330.

We had great burgers at Paul’s Tavern, and a semi-nice dinner at Champagne in the Mystique Casino.  The  service was great there, but the food was kinda sorta only Ok.  Wwhazz got booted out of the poker room on Saturday night.  It was a perfectly natural misunderstanding.

After I retired early on Saturday night the boys went back to Diamond Jo and broke that fool off again (see top picture).  They just couldn’t be stopped at winning money, however they COULD be stopped at finding food.  Seriously, it’s very hard to get a bite to eat in Dubuque after 1am and the world record blizzard earlier in the day didn’t help things.

Epic Macdonalds
Epic Macdonalds

So, as I hear it, the boys walked through the still-open drive-thru of the nearby McDonalds. Alas! They were turned away and told they needed to be in a car.  Never ones to be denied, these stalwart heroes of modern mastication acquired the necessary tools and sped back through the same drive-thru minutes later.  Their take, rendered in pixels to the left, was 10 McChicken sandwiches, 10 cheeseburgers, and 60 Chicken McNuggets. Also: several large fries.

Upon awaking Sunday morning I had a delicious breakfast of mcnuggets and la croix.  We said our goodbyes and then headed out of town…

…IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY! Instead we headed back to Mystique to “wait out the bad weather” and had by far our best craps session of the trip.  I mean it was serious unloading.  We won money. HOE-CHO! CHICKEN DICKS! It was all hitting us.  We could not be defeated, but we could be yelled at by our wives so ultimately the trip had to end and we started the slow trip back north.

Until next time, Dubuque…. CHICKEN DICKS STICKS!

233 thoughts on “SEBEN! HOE-CHO! CHICKEN DICKS!

  1. ♫ I’m dreaming of a CAAAAALLLL CHRISTMAS just like all the christmasses i used to know…. folks dressed up like eskimoes, errbody knows some something something something to make cal’s champion season bright… bellmen glisten and madd’s unborn children listen, to cal because he is the kiiiiiiiiiing, everybody sing, a toefurkey and some misletoe, help to make ca’ls season bright…. cal is heaven, madd got kicked out in week sevennnnnnnnn…. and may all your football pics be riiiiiight ♫

  2. ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

  3. La la lala *sigh la la la la al *gasp* la la la la *fart*

    Let’s get some 99 bets going or some trubbed craps. I want to roll up that 20.

    Wish it were wednesday!!!!!

  4. Faaaaaaart! Just for that low blow I’m going to savora lombardinos dinner in your honor tomorrow, cal.

    Stacy addressed your Xmas card to Cal Hedling, and didn’t realize til way later that it wasn’t your real name. You have been subsumed by video golf completely and utterly in the mind of AT LEAST one person!! Congrats!!!

  5. Football update for cal:

    It’s bop and showtime in the final. Showtime also won the regular season.

    Frenchy took 12th and never paid.

    Oneil missed the playoffs.

  6. whoa The Brothers BOP locked in high football drama! who else made the poffs? you? brian? greg? oneil was a rookie you cant expect such heights from a baby footballer. i hope showtime sticks it to him! let me know how it turns out!!! effing frenchy what a ^&%^&%* i’ll get greg to bug him what a b.

  7. last i heard frenchy had his arizona palace foreclosed on.

    Eb&D 2 episode marathon starts at in 40 min. haven’t been this involved in a show since breaking bad.

    next saturday night i’m running a season 2 marathon.

  8. The deadbeat frenchy is a different frency. A greg pal.

    Playoffs seed were…

    Showtime and Shabbos (a Brian friend that also didnt pay)

    Timmertime and a dude from the concourse

    Pimps and the badmotherfuckers (a bop friend that plays dinger and wants nards’ baseball spot)

    Greg, Brian, oneil, me all sucked eggs.

  9. lefty has mellowed out a lot since having to live with that flexing asshole righty and having to watch his back constantly before eventually pinching him in half.

    2 snails are also still going strong including my favorite: lil’ shorty. he’s small, but he gets shit done.

    me and lefty are pals now… i scoop him up in my hands to clean the tank and he’s cool with it. to attempted pinches. no fear. lefty is so fucking hard.

  10. jess, you are the best. i just bought 2 cases of old style in honor of rach-o’s uncle who turns 50 this week and refuses to drink anything else. i set them on the whazz machine on the trubcam for decor.

  11. BG saying “take the packers -3” is mind-blowing… i hope you start interjecting some dealings with your various bookies.

  12. if the badgers lose the rose bowl i’ll shave vertical strips down each cheek to facilitate drainage of my tears…

    also to facilitate the most badass neck chops and goatee combination ever grown

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